Very Hard, Very Easy

  Very Hard, Very Easy-I lead a difficult life. I don't think anybody
would dispute that. However, in some ways which I shall mention later in
this blog, it is relatively easy.

First, I will mention some of really hard stuff in my life. Not being able
to move has not been a whole lot of fun. I first felt the paralysis coming
on in ambulance on the way to Edmonton when I first had the stroke. I was
terrified. I came out of the coma only to discover that my fears had come
true. It is so long ago that I can't remember my initial reaction, though I
imagine that I was pretty upset. However, after years of not being able to
move, I have gotten rather used to it. But, I will mention a few extra
frustrating times for me. One is not being able to raise my hands to the
Lord in church. That is something that I have always wanted to do. Another
really frustrating time for is when there is a power outage. When the power
comes back on, my computer doesn't and I can't reach over and turn it on. A
really hard, frustrating thing is when there is a fly or mosquito hovering
around me and I can't shoo it away.

One of the hardest things, both past and present, is my inability to speak.
It is really hard to be listening to a conversation and would like to put in
my two cents but I can't. I have the speech board but it is so slow that I
don't use it too often unless I need something. Besides, it is often hard to
make people understand what I am trying to say.

Another hard thing was being diagnosed with cancer. I admit that my first
thought was that it is not fair after all I have been through. But I have
come to terms with it and am trusting God to work it out in a way that is
best for me and for His glory. Right now, the hard part is not giving in to
the symptoms.

Since the stoke, everything has been hard on me emotionally. Aside from
health issues, I lost my husband and had to let somebody else bring up my
kids. I lost most of the friends I lost my career. Now, I have been
diagnosed with a deadly disease like cancer. But, praise God, He has helped,
and still is helping me to cope.

A couple of other things that make my life hard is that it is tedious and
lonely. The same thing done at the same time day after day, month after
month,year after year, gets more than a little monotonous . There are
exceptions but they are few and far between. My life is also lonely. Lonely
because I am alone a lot. At least, peoplewise. But I am never truly alone
because God is always with me.Perhaps the loneliest time for me is when I am in a crowd. People are
chit-chatting all around but, because I can't talk, I can't take part in any
of conversations.

I have to admit, though, that in a few ways, my life is very easy. I have no responsibilities. None. Nada. No job to go to, no house to keep or groceries to buy, very few bills to pay or children to raise. Because of no responsibilities, my life is pretty stress free. Tedious and lonely but not a lot of stress. Any stress I may feel is usually brought on by myself.

Carrying it a bit farther, I don't have so many things to distract me from God. For sure, I know that responsibilities can, and often do, distract people from God. But I also know that people can get distracted from God by so called "fun" things. Because I don't have so many "fun" things in my life, I also have less to pull me away from God.

Much as I don't like it, having others do everything for me does make life pretty easy. My meals are all made for me. My room is cleaned everyday. Somebody drives me to church and other places. My finances are taken care of by a friend. My computer tech keeps my computer in tip-top shape and always comes to my rescue as soon as possible. when I have trouble. Though I would much do things for myself, I really appreciate all the people who do things for me.

My conclusion in all this is that, despite all the difficulties in my life, there aspects of my life that are pretty easy. All in God's plan, I am sure.