Thank You Lord, For Terminal Cancer

Thank You,  Lord , For Terminal Cancer-I always start my blog on Saturday and finish it
on Tuesday. This past Saturday morning, I fully intended to write about
something else. But, while I was waiting for the nurses to get me up, this
title crossed my mind. It came as quite a shock. However, upon thinking on
it, I realized it is true. But not the initial diagnosis of cancer. As long
as there was potential that doctors could help me, I was rather antsy,
waiting for them to do something. I know that cancer is not something to
dilly-dally with. Now, though, that I know that the cancer has spread and, I
assume, I am beyond medical help, I am more relaxed. For this blog, I will
use term "terminal cancer" even though, up to this point, nobody has said it
to me and I know it is a medical term, not a God term.

I thank God for terminal cancer because it has made me closer to God and His
word (the Bible) than I ever have been before . Because of all the time I
have had to spend alone with God, I always felt like I was pretty close to
God. And I have been. But, since the verdict of terminal cancer, it has been
different. At first, I clung to the Lord out of sheer desperation. Everytime
fear and panic tried to come in, I would turn to the Bible to settle me
down. If I was using my computer, I would look up on Google bible verses for
cancer patients which always encouraged me. If I was in bed and couldn't use
my computer, I would rehearse scriptures that I am standing on. At times,
all I would do is praise God. It is hard to be fearful and despairing and
praising God at the same time. Now, though, it is different. Fear and panic
still try to come but not as often. My life is in God's hands and whatever
happens will be the best thing for me. My hunger level for God is still way
up there, though.

I thank God for terminal cancer because it has taught me to really live one
day at a time. If I let myself think about what may happen in the future, I
just get discouraged and depressed. This truth about not worrying about
tomorrow really hit home to me one afternoon. I was listening to a song
which says, "Pray about everything. Don't worry about tomorrow". I have
listened to that song many times but, that afternoon, it just really hit me.
Not to ever think about what might happen tomorrow or farther down the line
and that is what I am trying to do.

I thank God for terminal cancer because it has given me an eternal
perspective. Up to the cancer, especially the terminal cancer, my focus was
primarily on getting healed in my lifetime. Now, even though I know I will
be healed, I also know that it could be during my lifetime or it might not
come until I get to Heaven. I have learned to be content with either. I have
come to understand that, no matter what we go through,it pales in the light
of eternity.

I thank God for terminal cancer because I find church more exciting to go to. I
have always enjoyed church, don't get me wrong, but over the years, going
to church had become pretty routine. Something I did on Sunday. However, I
find that I am more excited about going to church now. Part of it, I am
sure, is that while I am at church, I am not tempted to think about things
that I don't want to be thinking about. But I find that now, I am excited to get to
praise God with lots of other people.

I thank God for terminal cancer because of the peace it has given me. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I felt anything BUT peace. However, once I read the report that the cancer has spread, I felt more at peace. It was somehow comforting to know that my life is out of the hands of doctors, humans, and in the hands of God. For the most part, I am at peace about it but it is a peace that I have to contend for. Quite often, fear and discouragement try to come in and I have to get my peace back. Whether it is reading encouraging Bible verses or meditating on what God has said or listening to praise music.

I thank God for terminal cancer because I feel more thankful for little things. I am not sure how somebody with cancer at the stage I am at should be feeling but I thank God each day for another day of feeling quite well. I am also thankful for all the things that distract me from things I don't want to be thinking about. Things like grandkids (no better distraction), various outings or visitors, either to talk or read.

I know. All I seem to write about is the cancer. Unfortunately, that is the big reality in my life right now. Aside from God, that is. I honestly never write anything in these blogs that I don't truly believe. It is just that sometimes my emotions get in the way. However, emotions are just emotions. They come and go. Anyway, after years of feeling like I was going around in circles with nothing happening, at least now something is happening.