I Will NEVER Give Up!

I Will NEVER Give Up-Looking back over the years since t stroke, I see that
there have been plenty of times when I would probably have given up had it
not been for my stubborn streak. That stubborn streak has made me determined
to stick it out, no matter how bad it gets. I believe God put that stubborn
streak in me because He knew that, eventually, I was going to need a LOT of
determination. I wish I always used it the right way!

When I first had the stroke, giving up never occurred to me. I was still
young and had a lot of living to do. It was a shock to find myself unable to
walk or talk but I was determined to work hard to recover as quickly as
possible. The rehab and speech therapy were not a lot of fun. But I plugged
away at it.

That is until things didn't go as planned. I still don't really know what
happened. All I know is that I had pneumonia and while I was recovering, I
ended up in my present condition with no hope of any improvement whatsoever.
That year or so was the worst year of my life. I would have given anything
to be able to give up and terminate my life. Fortunately, I didn't know how.
That period of time was the only time during my long ordeal that I have
truly wanted to give up.

Then came salvation. Glorious salvation! All of a sudden I wanted to live again. The first while of my salvation I was too excited to even think about giving up. However, as the months turned to years, many years, and I just seemed to go round and round without getting anywhere, I admit that, every so often, the thought would come to me that this is too hard and I am not doing this anymore. At times, the one thing that kept me from quitting is my fear of hell and my fear of doing anything that might make me go there.

Now, I am facing the most difficult "challenge" of my life. At least, since I have been saved. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I did think of giving up. It has been long, hard ordeal and I am just plain tired. It was so tempting to do nothing and let nature run her course. But I knew I had to keep fighting so, like it or not, I was prepared to go through whatever cancer treatments the doctors prescribed.

However, after waiting and waiting, a report came back that the cancer has spread. It pretty much boils down to either I get a miracle from God or... But I have never felt less like giving up. I know God can do anything and He can remove this cancer from my my body anytime. I am doing all I know to do by speaking confessions to kick the cancer out of my body and by reading scripture verses for cancer patients. Aside from that, all I can do is be still and trust God to to do what He thinks best. At times fear and panic try to overtake me. Then I turn to the scriptures that I am standing on to get me through this situation. I find that I am turning to God even more now. But, for the most part, I am at peace because I know that God is in control, no matter what happens.

I am not sure what the point of this blog is. Maybe it is to let people know that I am not giving up, no matter what doctors say, and to encourage others to do the same. Remember that it is not over until it is over.