I wish

  I Wish... -It dawned on me the other day how often the phrase "I wish"
is in my thoughts. I suppose that is an indication that I am not very
satisfied with my present situation. The truth is that I am not at all
satisfied with things as they are. However, I am trying, not always
successfully, to be content with letting God do things in His way and His
time. This time I will share some of the "I wishes"in my life.

On thing that "I wish" a lot of the time is that there was somebody that
really understood what I am going through. Of course, those people who spend
more time with me have a better understanding of what my life is like. But
even they can't fully understand. Only Jesus can do that. One thing that I
have done in the past, and probably shouldn't have, is to wish every person
in the church had to spend one day in Long-term Care, as helpless as I am.
Even that wouldn't fully reveal what life is like for me but, I suspect that
it would open some eyes.

Every single time that I am using my speech board with somebody and they
either can't spell or understand what I am trying to say or both, "I wish"
that I could speak in the usual way.

When I am using my computer and the power goes out, my computer turns itself
off. The problem is that, when the power comes back on, my computer doesn't
so I have to wait until somebody can turn it on for me. At times like this,
"I wish" I could just stretch out my arm, push the button and turn the
computer back on.

I admit that I do lead a lonely life. Especially in the afternoons when I
rest in bed and can't use my computer. Then, sometimes, "I wish" that there
was somebody who could spend time with me in the afternoon. On the other
hand, I do understand that, with most people working, it is pretty hard.

Often, at mealtimes, "I wish" that I could feed myself. Then I could eat at
my own speed. Or I wouldn't have to wait to get started like I sometimes do
when the nurses are busy.

At church, there are lots of times "I wish" that I could raise my hands to
God. This is especially true when we are singing a slow, worship song. There
are other things "I wish" at church as well. "I wish" that I could sing to
the Lord properly. "I wish" that I could clap and dance like other people.
"I wish", when the time comes, I could move around and greet people instead
of waiting for them to come to me. Etc.

I will be honest. I have days where it is simply too much for me and
everything seems so bleak and endless. Days like that, often "I wish" that I
had never been born. Out of control emotions, of course.

Not too often , but once in awhile, "I wish" that I had never had the
stroke. Then I can't help wondering what my life would have been like. But I
don't indulge in thoughts like that very often. My life is what it is.

After I decided to write about this, I paid more attention to what I was
thinking. It surprised me how many times in a day I think "I wish". This is
just a small sample. But I know all too well that "I wish" won't change
anything. Only God is going to do that.