In Everything Give Thanks

In Everything Give Thanks-One day, when I was waiting for them to bring my
supper, the phrase "in everything give thanks" kept rolling around in my
mind. I got to thinking that "in everything" means wherever I am, whatever I
am doing and whatever kind of mood that I am in.

First, let's deal with the places that I need to be giving thanks to God.
The most obvious one, of course, is church. It should be relatively easy for
me to thank God amongst other people who are thanking and praising God as
well,. Most times, it is but there are times that I have to make myself
thank God. At times, through tears.

As soon as I get up in the morning, the nurses put me on the computer and I
start reading the Bible. It is pretty easy to be thankful when reading about
what Jesus has done and is going to do for me. This is my favorite time of
day.

Then I get taken to the dining room for breakfast. The dining room, be it at
breakfast, lunch or supper, is not a place that I am as thankful as I should
be. Even the grace that I do is usually just a hurried thanks instead of
really thanking God for the food that He has provided. I keep reminding
myself that a lot of people in this world don't have food nearly as good as
this but, too often, I still find myself complaining about the food.

After breakfast, I go back to the computer. This time, it is mostly to
write. Mainly e-mails. My thankfulness during this time is rather hit and
miss. Sometimes I do express thanks to God. Especially when my music evokes
thanks to God. At other times, through, I concentrate so much on what I am
writing that I don't express thanks to God or, even, pay attention to my
music.

After lunch, I rest in bed and listen to music. I have learned to listen to
the words of the music and concentrate on thanking God or my thoughts will
wander all over the place and I end up feeling depressed. Christian music is
a real blessing for me as it help to keep me in a thankful attitude. Until I get up for supper.

In the evening,after supper, it is back to the computer. This time,though,
it is mostly to watch tv. By evening, I don't have the energy for much else.
I mostly watch some kind of sporting event. Years ago, the Holy Spirit told
me be praying for those players. So, at the start of each game, I do try to
remember to pray a general prayer for players on both teams. Once the game
starts, though, too often I get so interested in the game that I forget
either to pray for those players or give thanks to God.

One habit that I have had for years is that, once I am in bed for the night, before I pray about other
things or go to sleep, is to thank the Lord for different things during that
day. Admittedly, some days are pretty slim pickings but I can usually come
up with something. When I am awake at night, I do begin thanking the Lord at
times but, too often, I get frustrated because I can't sleep.

I think that it would be redundant to mention giving thanks in everything that I do as I have already covered pretty much all that I do. I will just say this. Even though God is in my thoughts most of the time, it isn't always the giving of thanks. I do my share of griping and complaining.

Finally, "in everything give thanks" must also mean whatever state my emotions are in. It is relatively easy to be thankful when things are going well and I am feeling "sunny". But things change and my "sunny" turns  to depression and discouragement or anger and frustration. Then it is not so easy to maintain a thankful attitude.

As I was writing this, I realized that I need, more often, to make a CONSCIOUS decision to thank God no matter where I am, what I am doing or how I am feeling. I say conscious because there are times that thanking God is about the last thing I think of or feel like doing. But I can make myself until it becomes the automatic thing to do. 

Ways That I Depend on God

Ways That I Depend On God-The Holy Spirit inspires all of my blogs but,
every so often, I know that I  absolutely have to write about a particular
subject. This is one one of those times. I just know that I have to write
about ways that I depend on God. I am not too sure why but I do remember the
Holy Spirit telling me that God didn't call me to understand but to obey.
So...

The first, and foremost, way that I depend on God is for my ultimate healing
in this life. No doctor can restore me to the health that I had before the
stroke but Jesus can and will. My only part in my healing is to make sure
that, out of frustration and fatigue, I don't give up.

But, I also depend on God for other, what I call my little, healings. If I
complained to the nurses whenever I have some kind of pain or discomfort, I
would be complaining to them most of the time. Instead, when I get a
toothache or earache or some other ache, I chose to pray and the pain
usually goes away. However, I have found that the pain will sometimes try to
come back so I have to stand against the pain, in prayer or by speaking to
the pain to get out of here, until it is gone for good. To be honest, a lot
of times, the nurses never know the pain that I have been in. As I was
writing this, I thought of the times when they were feeding me, something
got caught in my throat and I felt like I was choking. I just thought the
name "Jesus" and it went down. This hasn't happened in a long time, though,
as everyone is pretty careful that I don't choke.

I also depend on God to help me with other things as well. Because I can't
do anything on my own, I have to depend on outside help. If another person,
nurse or visitor, is around, I will get that person to help me but there is
not always another person around. Then I have to depend on God. There are
times I need a nurse but they don't hear me calling. But, if I pray , one
will often come. It is really quite amazing the "small" things that God will
do help me. One time, I got too hot at night. But, because I can't just
throw off the blankets, so I prayed and, all of a sudden, there was a cool
breeze in my room. Not too long ago, I needed my birth certificate. But I
didn't think I had it and I wasn't sure how I could get. The thought kept
coming to me to look in my wallet. So I asked a nurse to look in my wallet
and, sure enough, there it was. These are just a few examples of the
"little" things that God does for me because I can't do anything for myself.

I definitely depend on God for the strength and courage to face each day. What I face everyday day does take strength (mostly mental) and courage. In myself, I know I don't have what it takes. Left on my own, I am pretty sure I would either dead or mental hospital by now. But, thankfully, God has not left me on my own. I really have no idea how He keeps me going but, somehow, I keep motoring along.

I also depend on God to remind me of things. I have always had a good memory but I am now at the age that, from time to time, it needs a bit of jogging. Because I can't do anything, I can't write it on the calendar or, in this age, put it in my phone. When I want to remember something, I simply ask the Holy Spirit to remind me and He does.

I depend on God for companionship. I spend a lot of time alone so it is wonderful to know that He is there all the time for me to talk. Even if they wanted to, there are plenty of times that people are not able to be with me. It is nice to have a companion who is with me at all times. Even in the middle of the night.

Finally, I depend on the Bible which is God speaking to me through the written word. I depend on all the promises God has made in the Bible, including healing. I depend on the Bible to cheer me up when I am feeling down and depressed. I depend on the Bible to keep me company when I am feeling lonely. And I depend on the Bible when I feel restless and don't know what I want to do.

As much as anything, I found this blog encouraging to write. It encouraged me to focus on the ways I can depend on God. And it encouraged me to recall some of the neat things God has done for me in the past. 

Good, Bad, and Ugly

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly-Upon reflection, I realized that my life can
be summed up in three words. Good, bad and ugly!

First, the good. No matter how it looks or feels, there are good aspects to
my life. The first way that my life is good is that, because I have so much
time, I can spend more time with God. While other people are rushing around,
getting ready for work or other commitments, I can leisurely get up and,
once I am on my computer, spend until breakfast reading the Bible and
fellowshipping with God. In the afternoons, while other people are still
busy
with whatever, I can lie in bed, listen to praise music and talk to God.

My life is also good in that I don't have so many things to distract me away
from God. Really, what do I have? No job, no family and not a lot of sources
of "entertainment". Of course, my computer could become a distraction from
God if I let it. But I don't let it. At least, not very often.

A third way that my life is good is that, because I can't do much of
anything on my own, I have had to learn to depend on God for things that
other people take for granted. Things like an itch I can't scratch so I have
to pray for the itch to go away. Or if I need a nurse, I often pray for one
to come. I could mention many more examples of praying to ask God to help me
with things that I can't do on my own but, I trust, you get the picture.

One more way that my life is good is that I see me being stuck in Long-term
Care as a way that God is protecting me from a lot of the pitfalls and
temptations that Christians "out there" struggle with. Things like marriage
problems, major financial difficulties, temptations for greed or gluttony or
whatever. Even from the mild persecution that Canadian Christians go
through. Most of the nurses are not Christians but they never, ever give me
a hard time about my faith.

However, there are plenty of bad things in my life. One thing is all the
time that I have. I know I mentioned the good aspect of having so much time
but it is also a challenge to find things to do to fill up the long hours
everyday. My days generally start around 6 am and don't end until after 10
so that is a lot of long hours to put in. Especially times when I can't be
using my computer.

This life is boring, mundane, tedious and routine with little variation. I
understand a place like Long-term Care has to have routine but it doesn't
make
for a very exciting life.

I lead a lonely life. For two reasons. First, I am lonely because I am alone
most of the time. The nurses don't have a lot of time to spend with me.
Aside from meals, getting me up and putting me to bed, I seldom see them.
Unless my computer acts up and I need help. But I am never really alone. God
is always with me. The second time I feel really lonely is when I am in a
crowd and can't take part in any of the conversations going on around me. To
be
honest, I would rather be alone with God than in a crowd because I feel so
left out.

Then there is the constant pain and discomfort. It is not something I like
to talk about but it does wear on a person. Thankfully, I am seldom in
severe pain but my neck is always stiff and sore, it seems like there is
always one part of my body or another that hurts and every little thing
causes me pain. A lot of things, at least.

Then there are days best described as ugly. There are days that I am glad
that I don't have the ability to speak or, out sheer frustration, I would
say something rude and sarcastic. Something I would regret later. There are
other ugly days that I cry all day. Everything makes me burst into tears. I
can't cry quietly so it must be really annoying. It is for me. However, the
good thing about my ugly days is they don't last . The next day, I usually
feel a lot better.

So there you have it. The good, bad and ugly of my life. 

Canada

Canada-One day, I was thinking what a blessing it is to live in a country
like Canada. Unfortunately, too often, we take it for granted. I know that I
do. This blog, then, is primarily just to express my appreciation for the
truly wonderful country that God has given us.

First, I am very thankful for the freedoms that we have in this country.
Never having lived in any other country but Canada, I know I can't really
understand what it must be like to live in a country that doesn't have the
freedoms that we, as Canadians, take for granted. What must it be like to to
live where you have to be so careful what you say for fear of being
arrested? Or not to be able to openly go to church to praise God?

I thank God that Canada is a peaceful country. Again, I have no concept of
what it would be like to live in a place that is at war and constantly being
bombed. When I was a small child, I remember my parents talking about WW II.
No doubt, they had certain privations to endure but it still wouldn't be the
same as actually living in a place under attack or occupied by the enemy.
But I am also thankful not to live in an aggressive nation that gets
involved in a lot of conflicts. With the high-powered equipment that they now
have for war, it is scary that young men from any country have to be
thrown into combat.

Canada is a prosperous nation. That is for sure. Unfortunately, I think
that, too often, we get caught up in comparing ourselves to other Canadians
who have more than we do and forget the many people in poorer countries who
have a whole lot less. We have an abundance of and a large variety of foods.
Contrast this with people who eat rice, rice and more rice. Still, too
often, nothing satisfies us . Too often, I find myself complaining about the
hospital food. Then I have to remind myself that there are lots of people in
this world who would think they had died and gone to heaven if they ever had
food like I get. Same with clothing and shelter. By Canadian standards, it
may not be the best. But, in the eyes of so many people in this world, we
are incredibly wealthy.

On a personal note, I am thankful for our health care system. Of course it
has flaws but, I sometimes think, if I had been born in a less developed
country, there is a good chance that I would not have even survived the
stroke.

I am glad to live in a country that supports Israel. I have read the Bible
enough to know that God is on the side of Israel. I figure that it is like
this. If God backs Israel and Canada backs Israel, doesn't it mean that God
backs Canada as well? Just a thought. Anyway, hopefully, Canada continues to
support Israel until Jesus returns!

In conclusion, I have no idea how God choses who will live where. I am just
awfully glad that He chose to put me in Canada! 

Cheery

Cheery-Because writing my last blog was emotionally draining for me, this
one will be a bit more "cheery". Not that there is an abundance of "cheery"
in my life these days. But I can think of a few things.

The very first thing that comes to mind when I think of "cheery" are my
grandkids, Even though I don't get to see my real grandson in person,
watching the little imp via skype never fails to bring a smile to my face.
But I do get to see my "adopted" grandkids frequently and, even when I think
that I will never smile again, they can always get a smile out of me or,
sometimes a hearty laugh. However, it is not just my grandkids that bring
cheer
into my life. It is all small children. I love to watch them. They are so
genuine and innocent in all they do and say.

The second "cheery" thing in my life is laughter. I have figured out that it
is pretty hard to be laughing and "down in the dumps" at the same time! I
don't spend a huge amount of time around the nurses but when I do,
especially at meals, I often have fun laughing and joking around with the
nurses. At times, I admit, we laugh so much that we are literally in tears.
Of course, it doesn't happen all the time but, when it does, it adds a bit
of "cheery" to my day.

Another source of laughter for me can be at church. There are the times, of
course, that the Holy Spirit comes over me and causes me to laugh
uncontrollably. More often, though, my pastor will say something so silly
that I have to laugh, whether I feel like it or not. I have a sneaking
suspicion that he does deliberately, especially when he sees people in the
congregation who a looking "down".

Visitors are another "cheery" in my life. Sometimes, they are a source of
laughter for me. I have a friend who, when he sees that I am feeling "bummed
out", will always say something really stupid to make we laugh. Other times,
visitors provide a "cheery" in my day simply by being there, to talk with me
or, maybe, to read to me.

One other thing that I find "cheery" is when I get to go on outings. The
majority of my outings are to church or church functions. However, I also ,
quite often, get to go other places as well. Sometimes out to eat, sometimes
shopping, sometimes other events of various kinds. No matter where I go,
those outings are a "cheery" time for me.

When I looked up the meaning of "cheery", one word used in a couple of the
definitions was optimistic. I am optimistic about at least a couple of
things. I am optimistic about a better life-both after I die and here on
earth. All born-again Christians are optimistic about Heaven. We are all
looking forward to that. What a glorious day that will be! But I am also
optimistic about a better life before I die. My healing is coming and, when
it does, my life will be a whole lot better than it is right now. The other
thing that I am optimistic about is that my children will become Christians
and start living for the Lord. It may not look like it right now but I know
it is coming!

Cheery-ho! 

The Stroke

The Stroke-I never, seriously, thought about writing about this as I didn't
see much point in it about and it would just conjure up some painful
memories.
However, one day, the thought came to me that I should write down as much as
I remember about when I initially had the stroke in case I ever want to
write a book about my experiences. Even though the stroke occurred over 30
years ago, I can still recall some of the emotions that I went through.

It was July 24, 1983. I was alone with two small children, 4 and 2, because
my husband was working out of town. Around 4 am, I woke up feeling really
dizzy. So dizzy in fact that I had to crawl just to check on the children.
Not knowing what else to do, I phoned the hospital. I mentioned that I had a
bad sunburn from being on the beach the day before. I wondered if I had been
silly enough give myself a sunstroke. I was told to take a cool bath. So
there I was. Sitting in a cool bath at 4 something in the morning with my
head spinning like a top! That didn't help so I phoned the hospital again
and was told that I had better come in. I called the lady who babysat my
children while l was working. She came and stayed with the children and her
husband drove me to hospital. They admitted me and, even though I was not
able to go back to sleep, it felt wonderful just to lie down as I was so
dizzy.

The next day I spent being poked and prodded and having my blood pressure
taken over and over while they tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I
believe that somebody did mention a stroke but it all went over my head. I
was convinced that there was nothing seriously wrong with me. Even when,
around 4 pm, they decided to send me to Edmonton I wasn't very concerned. I
figured that I would be there for a few days and then come back.

However, in the ambulance on the way to Edmonton it finally dawned on me
that this might be more serious than I had thought. I could feel the
paralysis creeping slowly over my body and, frankly, I was terrified. Just
as we reached the outskirts of Edmonton, I started choking and having
trouble breathing. When we pulled up at the Royal Alexandra Hospital, the
last thing I heard somebody say before I slipped into a coma was, "Hurry up.
Get her inside".

That coma lasted until early in September. Obviously, I don't remember
anything about that time. All I know is that I was on a respirator, had my
stomach cut open (I still have the scar) so they could feed me directly into
my stomach and I was given a 50% chance of surviving. My
memories of when I first came out of the coma are pretty blurry. No doubt, I
was still groggy from the coma. At first I had my days and nights mixed up.
I would sleep all day and cry with pain all night. I must have driven this
nurses, and probably everyone else, bonkers! I really did think that it was
all a bad dream from which I would soon awaken from. Eventually, though, the
pain lessened and my head got clearer. I had to accept that I could no
longer walk or talk and I was being fed through a tube up my nose and into
my stomach. In time, they started feeding me real food. They set me up with
a wheelchair and gave and taught me how to use a speech board. (The one I
have now is a copy of that one) The doctor said I would learn to walk and
talk again which I was determined to do. My son turned 5 while I was still there
so we had his birthday in my hospital room. While I was in Edmonton, my
husband was driving, with 2 small children, from Cold Lake every weekend.
One memory I have is that, one time when they were making my bed, I was
sitting in the hall. The elevator opened and out came my husband and
children.

On November 25, three days before my daughter's third birthday, I was sent
back to Cold Lake to be closer to family and friends. I settled into a
routine of having my husband and children visit every evening. On weekends,
my husband would take me home and look after me himself. Much nicer than
being alone in Edmonton all the time. One thing I remember is the cook
making ice cream sundaes for me. I had lost a lot of weight (at one time I
was 80 pounds ) so they were trying to fatten me up. This lasted until April
of 1984 when I was sent to the Glenrose Hospital for more therapy. That is
when things went wonky. At least from a human perspective. Probably not from
God's.

Despite the trauma I went through, I do see God's hands in a couple of ways.
First, by me not going into the coma right away. I don't even want to think
what would have happened if I had gone into the coma right away when I was
alone with two small children. Secondly, I believe that God had a lot to do
with me living at all. The doctor told my husband that one reason I survived
was because my heart and lungs were so strong from all the exercising that I
was doing at the time. It was only maybe 6 months before that I got the urge
to get into shape so I think God was preparing me for what lay ahead.