Good, Bad, and Ugly

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly-Upon reflection, I realized that my life can
be summed up in three words. Good, bad and ugly!

First, the good. No matter how it looks or feels, there are good aspects to
my life. The first way that my life is good is that, because I have so much
time, I can spend more time with God. While other people are rushing around,
getting ready for work or other commitments, I can leisurely get up and,
once I am on my computer, spend until breakfast reading the Bible and
fellowshipping with God. In the afternoons, while other people are still
busy
with whatever, I can lie in bed, listen to praise music and talk to God.

My life is also good in that I don't have so many things to distract me away
from God. Really, what do I have? No job, no family and not a lot of sources
of "entertainment". Of course, my computer could become a distraction from
God if I let it. But I don't let it. At least, not very often.

A third way that my life is good is that, because I can't do much of
anything on my own, I have had to learn to depend on God for things that
other people take for granted. Things like an itch I can't scratch so I have
to pray for the itch to go away. Or if I need a nurse, I often pray for one
to come. I could mention many more examples of praying to ask God to help me
with things that I can't do on my own but, I trust, you get the picture.

One more way that my life is good is that I see me being stuck in Long-term
Care as a way that God is protecting me from a lot of the pitfalls and
temptations that Christians "out there" struggle with. Things like marriage
problems, major financial difficulties, temptations for greed or gluttony or
whatever. Even from the mild persecution that Canadian Christians go
through. Most of the nurses are not Christians but they never, ever give me
a hard time about my faith.

However, there are plenty of bad things in my life. One thing is all the
time that I have. I know I mentioned the good aspect of having so much time
but it is also a challenge to find things to do to fill up the long hours
everyday. My days generally start around 6 am and don't end until after 10
so that is a lot of long hours to put in. Especially times when I can't be
using my computer.

This life is boring, mundane, tedious and routine with little variation. I
understand a place like Long-term Care has to have routine but it doesn't
make
for a very exciting life.

I lead a lonely life. For two reasons. First, I am lonely because I am alone
most of the time. The nurses don't have a lot of time to spend with me.
Aside from meals, getting me up and putting me to bed, I seldom see them.
Unless my computer acts up and I need help. But I am never really alone. God
is always with me. The second time I feel really lonely is when I am in a
crowd and can't take part in any of the conversations going on around me. To
be
honest, I would rather be alone with God than in a crowd because I feel so
left out.

Then there is the constant pain and discomfort. It is not something I like
to talk about but it does wear on a person. Thankfully, I am seldom in
severe pain but my neck is always stiff and sore, it seems like there is
always one part of my body or another that hurts and every little thing
causes me pain. A lot of things, at least.

Then there are days best described as ugly. There are days that I am glad
that I don't have the ability to speak or, out sheer frustration, I would
say something rude and sarcastic. Something I would regret later. There are
other ugly days that I cry all day. Everything makes me burst into tears. I
can't cry quietly so it must be really annoying. It is for me. However, the
good thing about my ugly days is they don't last . The next day, I usually
feel a lot better.

So there you have it. The good, bad and ugly of my life.