I Am Free

 -Years ago, our church had our own camp at Moose Lake at the end
ofAugust. Of course, I couldn't actually camp with the rest of the people but
I would go out for the evening service. One time, the speaker paraded me in
front of everybody and told them that I was more free than most of them.
Obviously, he wasn't talking physically. Back than, I was far from free
physically and, as the years have gone by, I seem to be "seizing up" more
and more with more aches and pains. Still, though, when I felt to write about
this, I had to go to the Holy Spirit for some ideas what to write about.
These are a few ways that I am free.

I am free with time. Because I am not tied to a job or other time-consuming
commitments, I can do whatever I want with my time. Within my physical
limitations, of course. Hopefully, I have the sense to use my time the way
God wants but that is not a given. God is not going to force anybody to do
what He would like them to be doing.

I am free with money. Whenever I read that scripture about not anybody owing
anything but love, I always think that that is almost impossible in this
modern world with everything so expensive that it is almost a necessity for
a loan Because of loans and mortgages, most people are not all that free
with their  money . But, for me, once my rent is paid along with a couple of
minor bills.I am free to do what I want with my money. Because my rent
includes food, I don't even have groceries to buy! Again, hopefully I use it
wisely on what God wants, not on my own selfish desires.

I am free in my thoughts. Because I know that the Bible says that nothing is
impossible to God, I admit that sometimes my thoughts run free, imagining
some of the far-fetched things that God might do. Most of them will probably
never happen but I suspect that God would rather that than have people limit
Him in their thoughts. Again, because I don't have so many other commitments, I am more free to focus my thoughts as God. It I don't let emotions get in way.

I am free in the choices I make. When we become Christians, we are all free to choose as we want. God won't make choices for us. But, because I don't have the time or money constraints of other people , it is probably easier for me to make choices for God. Another thing that keeps me making choices for God is the simple fact that He is my only hope. A doctor may fix up minor ailments only God can restore me to perfect health. So I would be downright stupid not to make choices for God. But, if I want to be stupid, I guess it is my choice!

I am free to praise God. Not that I can sing and dance like others but I am free to praise God in my own way, anytime, anywhere. I have learned to talk to God in my mind so I can be praising Him at all  times.  CAN but, for me, too often emotions get in the way. Or I listen to the nurses talk. However, I do think that being alone so much is more conducive to praise than if I were always busy and around a lot of people.

In conclusion, I will just say this. When we first become Christians, God makes us totally free but, whether or not we remain free in all areas, is up to us. 

What I Have

 -When  I listen, both here in Long Term Care or at church, to
people talking about "fun" things they are doing or places they are going, I
often have to fight off feelings of envy. One way I can do this is by
thinking about all the things that I do have.

First of all, and most importantly, I  have Jesus.  Even
though I know that many people know Jesus, He is a special friend to me. No
matter how bad my circumstances get or how out of whack my emotions are, I
know that He will always give me what I need when I need it. However, I have
learned that a lot of things that I think are needs are, to Jesus , really
wants. That is not to say that I never get wants but the Lord is a good
enough Father to only give me things that are for my own good.

I have church. True, there are many times that I feel that I don't belong
because I can't be part of the activities that are planned. But I am blessed
to go  a church that teaches the Bible and I am able to receive that
teaching
along with everybody else.

I have freedom from a lot of things that tie other Christians to this world.
Not necessarily bad things but things like bills, mortgages, jobs, raising
kids and even cooking and housework (hallelujah). For sure, I would love to
do some of these "ordinary" things but I also have to admit that not being
able to has given me more time to develop an intimate relationship with God.
Like I mentioned before, so much time is both a blessing a curse for me. I
have to count it a blessing when I have the sense to spend it with God.

I have come to understand what life is like for seniors and especially
seniors in a facility like this. Anytime that we can come to understand
people in a different age group is, no doubt, a good thing. Before the
stroke, I had no understanding of elderly people. To be honest, I never gave
them a thought. But, after so many years in Long Term Care among elderly
people, I have a lot more understanding and compassion for them.

Finally, I have the hope of Heaven. When I listen to other people talk about
where they have been or are going, I often think, "I wonder how many people
have been where I have been". Years ago, probably 25 at least, I had an
incredible experience. But I have never shared it much until now.
I am not sure why but, by now, the details are fuzzy and I don't want to be
asked a lot of questions I may not be able be able to answer. Back then our
church was much smaller than it is now. One Sunday, it felt like Jesus came
up to my wheelchair, lifted me out and carried me to Heaven. There I didn't
see any others, just Jesus and me. It was like Jesus was giving me a
personal, guided tour. The truth is I didn't see that much. Just enough to
"wet my whistle", so to speak. Like I said, the details are fuzzy but I do
remember seeing the place I will be living in and the streets of gold. Just
before I came back, I remember sitting on the knee of Jesus and telling Him
that I didn't want to come back but being told I had to. Next thing I knew,
I was back in my wheelchair at church. I also remember the incredible peace
I felt after that experience. Like nothing I ever known. That euphoria
lasted about a week. Until all the negative circumstances in my life started
to crowd in again. That trance or vision or whatever has helped me to remain
steadfast all these years. 

My Blog

-When, several months ago, I was presented with the idea of either
going on facebook or writing a blog, my initial reaction was, "Not on your
life!". For personal reasons, I have chosen not to to have facebook and, to
be honest, I wasn't even too sure what a blog is. However, I did have enough
sense not to outright reject the idea without praying about it first. So I
took it to the Lord and I really felt to go ahead and write a weekly blog.
So, reluctantly, I agreed to a blog.

But, then, there was the question of what to write about. Again, I went to
the Lord. I felt to start with my testimony. That was easy enough to write.
Since then, anything that I have written has been inspired by the Holy
Spirit. Admittedly, I haven't always wanted to write what I wrote.
Especially stuff that pertains to myself. I am quite a private person and I
felt that I was exposing too much of myself. But I made myself do it anyway.

As for actually writing the blogs, that is pretty easy for me. Writing of
any kind has never been a problem for me. Very rarely do I have to stop and
think about the words that I want to use. The words just come as I am
writing. Once in awhile, the inspiration for what I want to write about
doesn't come until the last minute. However, more often, the idea comes a few days before
the actual writing so I have a few days to think about what I want to say.
Though it never comes out exactly the same as I thought.

After writing blogs for quite a few months, I have come to understand that
there are certain benefits arising from them. First, as I mentioned
previously, it is an act of obedience to God. I was reluctant to write a
blog but I did it anyway simply to obey God. And each blog is an act of
obedience because I only write what I believe God wants me to. If I ever
don't have anything from  God, I simply won't write the blog. Every time I do
something that I don't want to do because I want to obey God, it makes me
feel good.

The second benefit is that it is a medium which I can use to tell people
about Jesus. THE most important thing we, as Christians, can do is to tell
others about Jesus. But, not being able to speak, I was at a loss how I
could do that. My speech board certainly wouldn't do. If I wanted to talk to
someone about Jesus, that person wouldn't even know how to use my speech
board. At times, I have wondered if I am using my not speaking as an excuse
not sharing my faith. Now, though, I have no excuse.

Thirdly, the blog has let people get to know me a bit and, hopefully, get to
understand a bit more what life is like for me. I readily admit that, at
first, I didn't much like talking so much about myself and I only did it to
obey God. Now, though, I understand that it was necessary to lay a bit of a
foundation.

Then there have been some benefits to me personally. I admit that it was a
stretch for me to open up about myself. But I have a sneaking suspicion that
is exactly what God intended. Thinking about what I am going to write about helps to put a check
on my helter-skelter thoughts as I focus on Jesus and positive things (most
of the time) instead of all the negative stuff around me. I don't get
depressed when I am thinking about what to write in my blog simply because I
am not feeling sorry for myself. And the blogs help me to pass time. I am
always looking for anything to pass time. Just thinking about what to write
eats up some time, especially when I am in bed and can't use my computer.
The actual writing uses up even more time. It takes me so much time to write
anything that I can easily write for a couple of hours and still have a blog
half written.

In conclusion, even though these blogs started out as a simple act of
obedience to God, I know that I am getting benefits from writing them and,
hopefully, others are getting some benefit by reading them. 

If I Were Rich

  If I Were Rich-One day, while I was waiting for my lunch to be served,
outof the blue the the thought came to me, "What would you do if you
became rich?". To be honest, I have never wanted more money than I have
right now. I have plenty for my needs plus a bit extra. I also understand
that, without health to go with it, money is kind of useless. Mind you, I am
certainly thankful that I have enough. I can't even imagine financial
concerns on top of all my other "issues".

The one thing that I know I would do is buy a handibus for Long Term Care.
Now, when they take these people on outings, they have to use the town
handibus which is not always the most reliable. If they had their own bus,
they could take these people when and where they want.

Once in awhile, I joke around with the nurses that, if I suddenly became
wealthy, I would hire my own private nurse and cook. But it is just a joke.
Or at least I think it is!

I would like to think that I would that I would give most of it away for"
the furtherance of the gospel". However, I have another issue in my life
that may have some bearing on what I would do if I suddenly came into a lot
of money. When I get healed, the money that I am getting at present will be
cut off and, then, I have no idea where the money will come from. But, I do
know that God is not going to heal me without also making provision for my
needs to be met. So I have always been content to leave it up to Him. But,
if I suddenly had lots of money, I know that I would have to fight the
temptation to put it in the bank so I have it when I need it. Unless, of
course, there was enough money to both live on and to give away.

I have come to two conclusions from all this. The first is that, when we
have any kind of major decision to make, be it how to spend my hypothetical
wealth or something else, it is wisest to to go God first and find out what
He wants you to do and then to do it. It would be a lie to say I had
mastered it all the time but I am trying to get better at consulting God
before rushing into a decision. The other conclusion that I have come to is
this. None of us can really know what we would do in any given situation
until we are actually in that situation so it is kind of futile to
speculate. 

Appreciation

Appreciation-One positive thing about my current situation is that I have
learned to appreciate certain things a lot more.

One thing that I never really thought much about before but sure am thankful
for is my eyesight. I use my eyes a lot. Especially for communicating. I
need my eyes to use my speech board  and I wouldn't even be able to use my
computer to communicate without eyesight. I often tell the nurses what I want by merely
looking at it. The time would drag by even slower for me without eyesight.
Now, at least, I can read, both Bible and other stuff, write e-mails and
watch tv. I don't even want to think about what my life would be like
without being able to see.But, on rare occasions that I do, I sure appreciate
the way it is right now.

I appreciate my hearing, something else that I took for granted. Once in
awhile, my ears get plugged so I get a small idea of what it would be like
not to be able to hear. Still, though, even when my ears are plugged, I can
still hear a little bit. I can't even imagine going to church and not being
able to hear the sermon or the music. My day-to-day life in Long-term Care
would be even more difficult. What would replace all the time that I spend
listening to music? I can't imagine having a lot of conversations with the
nurses, except when it is necessary. It would simply be too difficult for
them to make me understand.

I appreciate that I have a sound mind. Because the stroke I had was
basically a blood clot at the base of my brain, I have occasionally wondered
if there was potential for brain damage. Anyway,, I appreciate the fact that
I have a sound mind. I always think that it is better to have a body that
doesn't work with a mind that does than the other way round. Every so often,
people come to Long Term Care with perfectly healthy bodies  but their minds
are shot. It is pretty sad.

I appreciate friends. Both those that go out of their way for me  and the
ones that are praying for me. I so appreciate the time people spend with me.
And I also know that praying is the most important thing that we can do for
other people. No doubt, all the prayers are helping me to endure.

I appreciate the nurses in Long Term Care. I get good care, I am sure other
people do too, and I certainly do value the friendship that I have with most
of the nurses but one thing that really impresses me is that they genuinely
seem to care for the people in Long Term Care. Elderly people don't always
have a lot of people to care for them so it is so nice to see that the staff
does.

Most of all, I appreciate Jesus. I appreciate that He died on a cross so I
don't have to go to hell. I appreciate that He gave me hope of healing in
this lifetime. I appreciate that, because of Him, I am never alone even when
there are no people around. I appreciate the strength that Jesus gives me to
cope with each day. And so on and on and on.

Advantages of Being a Christian

   Advantages Of Being A Christian-Of course, there are a multitude of
advantages to anybody but I was thinking of some advantages specific to my
situation.These are a few of them

The presence of God makes it easier to go through difficult situations. While
it would be nice if Christians never had to go through tough times, that is
simply not true. In fact, it sometimes feels like just the opposite is true.
As for me, since I have been a Christian, it has been pretty tough most of
the time.    I often think, " What would I do without You, Lord?" To be
honest, I have no idea. I can't imagine anybody going through this and not
knowing the Lord. I am just thankful that He is always there to give me the
strength to endure.

I lead a lonely life, partly because I am alone a lot but also because
communication is so difficult for me. But, being a Christian means that I
always have the Lord to talk to. And He can read my mind (though sometimes I
wish I were otherwise) so I don't need words to talk to Him. He talks me as
well through His  Holy Spirit. Or, at times, I will just feel His Presence,
like heat in my belly. That seems to happen a lot when I am in need of
comfort. So, though I may be away from people, I am never really alone.

I don't sleep a lot. Once in awhile, I manage maybe 6 hours of sleep but,
more often, it is 5 or even less. I know that I don't need as much sleep as
somebody who is working but I still wish that I could sleep more. If for no other
reason than to help pass time. Some of my nights seem  endless. That is
another advantage of being a Christian. When people are all sleeping, I
still have the Lord to talk to and He never sleeps!

Being a Christian improves my quality of life right now. It is far from
great but I know that, if I wasn't a Christian, it would be a lot worse. By
now, the people who I knew before would have forgotten about me so I
would be stuck here 24/7. And probably no visitors either. But, because I am
a Christian, arrangements are made so I can attend church 2 or 3 times a
week plus a variety of other church functions. I also have special Christian
friends who take me different places. I know at times, especially when it
involves stairs, it would be easier to leave me out but they seldom do and I
really appreciate it. I was thinking that I wouldn't even have my computer
as Christians set that up for me as well.

Being a Christian has given me hope, both for life on this earth and after I
die.  It is the hope of healing in this life and fulfilling whatever plan
God has for me that is the main thing that keeps me going. I vaguely recall
the few months after I ended up in this condition but before I became a
Christian. What a dark, hopeless time that was for me! Thankfully, I only
vaguely remember it.

The other hope I have is that of Heaven after I die. Because of it, I have
no fear of death. Why would I when it just means going to live with Jesus?
To be honest, I admit that I am almost envious of genuine born-again
Christians who pass away. No, I am not suicidal.  I know it is not my time
to go and that God still has a plan for my life on this earth. It is just
this, at times, the thought of "no more pain and,suffering" are mighty
appealing!

These, then, are just a few ways that being a Christian is helping me to
cope with a really difficult situation. 

A Long Time Ago, Part 2

  -This is merely a continuation of my previous
blog dealing with my "prior to Cold Lake" life. When I was 11, the ranch was
sold and we moved into the city of Medicine Hat. Back then, Medicine Hat was
far from a large city but it was still quite a change for a family of
"country bumpkins". Somewhat similar to the Beverly Hillbillies, though I
don't think we were quite that bad! We moved into a rambling, big old house
with lots of interesting nooks and crannies.  Though not a modern house, it
was a big improvement over the one we had lived in up until then. At least,
there was electricity (We even got a black-and-white tv) and indoor
plumbing. Thank goodness, no more outhouses!

I started grade 6 in a city school. Thankfully, it wasn't a large school or
I am sure I would have found it even more intimidating. After maybe 3 or 4
kids in my grade, it was quite something to be in a class with all the kids
in the same grade. I never really fit in, in fact took some teasing, so I
ended up shy and withdrawn which lasted right through grade 12. But, even
though I was never the most popular kid in the class, I always did have a
few close friends. As hard as it was for me to adjust to a city school, I
can't help thinking that it was probably even harder for my sisters who were
in junior and senior high school.

At this point, I will interject that,for this first couple of years after
moving to Medicine Hat, my sisters and I faithfully attended the Alliance
church. It wasn't far from where we lived so we could easily walk there. But
when I was 13 I decided that I wasn't going to church anymore and I didn't
either until I started going to the church I presently attend.

After graduating from high school, I want to university in Lethbridge. I
finally came out of my shell a bit and had a good time. I did some goofy
things, like most university students. My studies always came first, though.
I had to pay my own way though university so I couldn't afford to fool
around too much.

How I ended up in Cold Lake was rather unusual. Makes me wonder if God was
involved somehow. After I graduated from university with a B. Ed degree, I
could not get a teaching position, even though I applied all over. So I was
substitute teaching in Medicine Hat and living at home. In December, I would
guess, the superindendent in Bonnyville phoned to say that they needed a
grade 5 teacher in Cold Lake starting in January and would I be interested.
Cold Lake??? I had never heard of such a place! My sister did know that
there is a military base here but that it all. Apparently, he had called the
university in Lethbridge  and they gave him my name. I have always wondered
why, if they wanted somebody right out of university, they would call
Lethbridge and not the U. of A. However, I needed a job so I came to Cold
Lake, started teaching before I was officially hired and have been here ever
since.

There you have it. For what it is worth. A summary of my "prior-to-Cold
Lake" life.