What I Have

 -When  I listen, both here in Long Term Care or at church, to
people talking about "fun" things they are doing or places they are going, I
often have to fight off feelings of envy. One way I can do this is by
thinking about all the things that I do have.

First of all, and most importantly, I  have Jesus.  Even
though I know that many people know Jesus, He is a special friend to me. No
matter how bad my circumstances get or how out of whack my emotions are, I
know that He will always give me what I need when I need it. However, I have
learned that a lot of things that I think are needs are, to Jesus , really
wants. That is not to say that I never get wants but the Lord is a good
enough Father to only give me things that are for my own good.

I have church. True, there are many times that I feel that I don't belong
because I can't be part of the activities that are planned. But I am blessed
to go  a church that teaches the Bible and I am able to receive that
teaching
along with everybody else.

I have freedom from a lot of things that tie other Christians to this world.
Not necessarily bad things but things like bills, mortgages, jobs, raising
kids and even cooking and housework (hallelujah). For sure, I would love to
do some of these "ordinary" things but I also have to admit that not being
able to has given me more time to develop an intimate relationship with God.
Like I mentioned before, so much time is both a blessing a curse for me. I
have to count it a blessing when I have the sense to spend it with God.

I have come to understand what life is like for seniors and especially
seniors in a facility like this. Anytime that we can come to understand
people in a different age group is, no doubt, a good thing. Before the
stroke, I had no understanding of elderly people. To be honest, I never gave
them a thought. But, after so many years in Long Term Care among elderly
people, I have a lot more understanding and compassion for them.

Finally, I have the hope of Heaven. When I listen to other people talk about
where they have been or are going, I often think, "I wonder how many people
have been where I have been". Years ago, probably 25 at least, I had an
incredible experience. But I have never shared it much until now.
I am not sure why but, by now, the details are fuzzy and I don't want to be
asked a lot of questions I may not be able be able to answer. Back then our
church was much smaller than it is now. One Sunday, it felt like Jesus came
up to my wheelchair, lifted me out and carried me to Heaven. There I didn't
see any others, just Jesus and me. It was like Jesus was giving me a
personal, guided tour. The truth is I didn't see that much. Just enough to
"wet my whistle", so to speak. Like I said, the details are fuzzy but I do
remember seeing the place I will be living in and the streets of gold. Just
before I came back, I remember sitting on the knee of Jesus and telling Him
that I didn't want to come back but being told I had to. Next thing I knew,
I was back in my wheelchair at church. I also remember the incredible peace
I felt after that experience. Like nothing I ever known. That euphoria
lasted about a week. Until all the negative circumstances in my life started
to crowd in again. That trance or vision or whatever has helped me to remain
steadfast all these years.