Stayed on the Lord

Stayed On The Lord-I am basing this blog on Isaiah 26:3. Particularly the
last part of verse that refers to being stayed on the Lord. Being stayed
means remaining firm. So my thoughts need to remain firm in Him. I also read
other translations of the same verse to see what other words that are used
to connote the same meaning as stayed.

One word that is used is "steadfast". Steadfastness is certainly something I
need to complete this "journey" that I am on. Another translation mentions
depending on God. Depending on God is not a big problem for me. Not when I
can't do anything on my own and, most times, there is no other person around
to depend on. However, the translations that most caught my attention are
the ones that mention focusing or fixing our thoughts on God. Keeping my
thoughts fixed on God has always been a challenge for me. Because of all the
long hours that I have to fill up every single day. Having said that,
though, in another way, I think it is easier than for other people. I don't
have so many other distractions that pull my attention away from God. Even
good things like family, job, etc.

In this blog, I thought that I would share the things that I am doing to
keep my thoughts fixed on God. To start each day, I have what I call my
"quiet time" for about 15 minutes. Before I get up and before I have music
playing. I imagine I am a peaceful place like a forest with birds chirping
and a bubbling brook. To keep my mind from wandering, I pray quietly in
tongues.

Once I am up and using my computer, the very first thing I do is read the
Bible. I read it the Bible a lot. The best way that I know to keep my
thoughts focused on God is by reading what He has to say in the Bible. I do
the main part of my Bible reading before I even check my e-mail. However, I
also usually do a bit of reading in the evening. I like to watch sporting
events on tv in the evenings. I have gotten in the habit of, during
intermissions, reading some scriptures on various topiss. From time to time, I read
scripture simply because that is what I feel like doing.

Prayer also helps to keep my thoughts on God. It is pretty rude to not be
thinking about the One you are talking to! Still, I sometimes catch my mind
wandering and I have to jerk it back to where it should be. I find that it
is, or could be, even more of a problem when I am praying in tongues. It is
too easy to babble on and on while my mind is a million miles away. I find that
the best time to keep my thoughts focused on God in prayer is when I am just
talking to Him like I would to a human friend.

Worship is a good way to keep my thoughts fixed on God where they should be.
At church,it is pretty easy to worship God when everyone else is doing the
same thing. Although it can be frustrating to listen others singing freely
and raising their hands to our great God while all I can do is sit there and
let out grunts and groans. But I know that that is enough for God so I close
my eyes and offer worship to Him the best that I can. However I know that
worshiping God is even more important when I am in Long-term Care and the
atmosphere is anything but worshipful. I readily admit that, right now, I
often don't have the energy to emit audible grunts and groans. But that
doesn't stop me from singing worship songs to the Lord in my mind. Which, in
turn, helps to keep my mind focused on Him.

I know I talk about my music a lot but it really does help to keep God
foremost in my thoughts. Especially in the afternoons when I rest in bed and
can't use my computer. After a morning of using it, I am tired. So, in the
afternoons, I like to lie in bed with my eyes closed and listen to the
lyrics of music. Because almost all of it is Christian and glorifies God, it
is a good way for me to keep my thoughts fixed on God. Admittedly, from
time to time, I catch my thoughts wandering. Then it is up to me to get them
back on my music.

An important thing in keeping my thoughts fixed on God is the writing of
these blogs. To a greater or lesser extent, ALL  of my blogs talk about God,
Jesus and/or the Holy Spirit. And writing these blogs takes up a
considerable length of time so each blog is a significant period of time
that I don't have to struggle to keep my thoughts focused on God. They are
centered on Him anyway. I did not initially want to write these blogs but
I am finding that writing them is beneficial to me in several ways. Not the
least of which is keeping my thoughts set on God and not flying
helter-skelter all over.

One of my favorite Bible verses is Isaiah 26:3. The verse basically says that God will give us peace if we keep our minds "stayed" on Him. By experience, I have found that to be true. As long as my thoughts are focused on God, I feel calm and relaxed. However, times when I start to feel agitated and restless, if I check my thoughts, they are not fixed on God like they should be. 

To Quit or Not To Quit

To Quit Or Not To Quit- I have always told myself that giving up, or
quitting, is not an option for me. However, upon reflection I realize that
over the years I have had to quit with some things.

First of all, I have had to quit trying to figure everything out. Actually,
the Holy Spirit dealt with me about that. One day, I felt like He was telling
me to do something. I don't even remember what that something was. But I do
remember what my response was. I told the Holy Spirit that I didn't
understand. He made it VERY clear to me that I hadn't been called to
understand but to obey. Ever since then, whenever I feel that the Holy
Spirit is telling me to do something, I think "Yes, Sir" and do it without
question.

Hand in hand with this, I have had to give up delayed obedience.
Although, delayed obedience has never been much of a problem for me. I know
that if I don't do it right away, especially if it is something that I don't
particularly want to do, I will keep putting it off until eventually I
will forget all about it. Whenever I am told to do something, and l know for
sure that it is from the Holy Spirit, I just do it before I have time to
think about it.

Another thing that I have learned to quit is worrying and fretting about the
future. I know that what will happen, will happen so there is no point
worrying about it. However, I also know that I haven't yet gained mastery
over worry. Too often I catch myself fretting over something. Usually
nothing major, like my future, but little day-to-day concerns.

I have had to learn to quit on discontentment. For the most part, I have
learned to be content to be still (I have had no choice) and let God do what
He is going to. However, I do at times question His timing, which shows
that I still haven't totally overcome discontentment. One other thing that
often brings on discontentment is when I am trying to communicate with
somebody about something and I can't make that person understand.

Still, though, there are some things that I WILL NOT quit. I will never quit
having hope for complete restoration to health in this life. That hope has
carried me through a lot of long, difficult years. After getting over the initial shock of being diagnosed with cancer,
I simply dug my  heels in even more and refuse to give in to either the
cancer or everything else that is wrong with me. I do however have days
when it all seems to be too much for me.

I will not quit on reading and meditating on the Bible, the Word of God.
Over the years, I have read the entire Bible several times and, certain
passages, even more than that. However, I have no intention of quitting. My
pastor always says that we are leaky vessels so I need to keep reading to
replace the stuff that keeps leaking out of me. Besides, just about
everytime I read the Bible, I see something that I never saw before. I also
know that it will be the Word of God that brings my healing to the outside
where it can be seen. So I continue to stuff myself full of healing
scriptures.

I will not quit on praying. I admit that most of (though not all) of my formal praying is done at church. For the most part, I just talk to God in my mind all day long. Like one might do with a human friend. If prayer is communication with God, then that is prayer. He has heard it all from me. The good, the bad and the ugly. But there is another component to prayer. And that is God, through the Holy Spirit, talking to us. I love those times. I babble so much to God that I sometimes wonder if He can get a word in edgewise. However, when the Holy Spirit wants to talk to me, He gets my attention.

I will not quit on giving praise to God. I know that He is worthy of it ALL the time, no matter how I feel. Sometimes, all I can do is praise through the tears and that is ok. However, I also know that praise is a spiritual weapon that God has given to help us fight our battles. An example. When a symptom of the cancer tries to come on me, I think "Praise God" and it will go away. But I have to keep at it. Those symptoms will keep trying to come back.

I will not not quit attending church. Yes, it  is an excuse to get out of Long-term Care, but it is much more than that to me. The main reason that I don't miss church unless I absolutely have no choice is that I know that the Holy Spirit speaks through the pastor and I don't want to risk missing something God is speaking to me through him. I know that there are lots of good speakers that I could listen to online or on tv. But those speakers don't know me so I think it is less likely that the Holy Spirit will give them something that I specifically need to hear.

There you have it. Things I have quit, or need to quit but also a few things that I don't dare quit. 

Heaven

Heaven-Almost as soon as I finished my last blog, I knew that I would be
writing about Heaven. However, I had no idea what about Heaven. Afterall,
aside from a brief vision, I have never been there and, even though I have
heard quite a few stories of people who have died, gone to Heaven and then
come back to life, they seem to differ. So I really don't know what to
expect. But I do know why I want to go to Heaven. And why I don't want to to
go yet.

The main reason that I want to go to Heaven is to see Jesus in person. Yes,
I have seen Him briefly in a vision and, yes, He often speaks to me through
the Holy Spirit but it is not the same as seeing Him face to face and never
having to be apart from Jesus again. I have no idea what I will do or how I
will react but I do know that it will be a glorious day and my present
discomfort won't matter one iota.

I have to admit that, when I think of Heaven, the thought of no more pain
and suffering is mighty appealing. I can't even remember the time, before
the stroke, when I wasn't suffering. So I am really am looking forward to
Heaven in that respect. In the meantime, though, I just need to be thankful
that the suffering that I am experiencing at present is no more intense than
it is. Even the cancer symptoms haven't been that bad.

I will be able to sing in Heaven! Right now, when I want to sing to to the
Lord, whether at church or in Long-term Care, all that comes out are grunts
and groans. I know they mean just as much to the Lord as if I had the most
beautiful voice. Still, it will be so nice to be able to freely sing to the
Lord. But I expect to be doing that well before I get to Heaven!

In Heaven, I will be able to dance and raise my hands. At church,in
particular,it makes me feel bad when I see others dancing and/or raising
their hands while I have to sit there like a lump. But, once I get to
Heaven, nobody or nothing is going to stop me from praising the Lord any way
I want. However, I am sure I won't have to wait until I get to Heaven for
that.

A final reason I would like to go to Heaven is simply to see some people. I
have friends and relatives in Heaven and it would be lovely to see them and
chat with them again. But that can wait. They will still be there when I get
there. Whenever I get there.

However, there are also some reasons why I don't want to go to Heaven right
away.The most important one is that I believe that God still has a plan for
my life here on earth. I have no idea what that plan is. If I did, it would
probably blow my mind! I just know that I want to be around to see how all
this plays out.

I am not proud to admit this but there are days when I am extra weary, extra
frustrated and extra depressed. At times like that, I often pray that God
will let me die. (Fortunately, God hasn't answered that prayer) But, the
other day, I was thinking that it is really a very selfish prayer. When
there are so many lost people out there who, barring a change, are destined
for hell and when my healing might point some of  them to the right way,
Jesus, it would be extremely selfish to deny them that opportunity simply
because I don't want to suffer anymore

Even though I do want to go to Heaven , I simply don't want to die right now. I was 33 when I had the stroke. Now I am a lot older and I feel like there are a lot of things in this life that I would like to experience before I leave. However, I also know that, if Jesus called me to Heaven right away, none of those things would matter.

Finally, there are some people in this world that I would really hate to leave behind. Having said that, I know that, if Jesus wanted me in Heaven with Him right now, all those wonderful people probably wouldn't even cross my mind. Hopefully, I would be seeing them again before long.

My conclusion is this. My flesh (the human part of me) wants to be in Heaven with Jesus. However, my spirit (the born-again part of me) wants to do God's will. Heaven will have to wait until He is finished with me on this earth. 

Experiences and Insights

Experiences And Insights-This time, I felt to tell about osome of the "supernatural"
experiences that I have experienced over the years. And I also thought that
I would share some of the things that the Holy Spirit has spoken to me over
the years. At least, the ones I can remember. It has been a long time!

My very first experience was, of course, my salvation. That was totally
supernatural! However, I know that I have written about it before. In fact,
if I remember correctly, my very first blog was to give my incredible
testimony. So I have no intention of rewriting it.

Probably what I would call my most awesome supernatural occurrence happened
shortly after I started going to church. I touched on it in an earlier blog
but I can't resist telling it again. I was sitting in church one Sunday when
it felt like Jesus lifted me out of the wheelchair and carried me to Heaven.
Then, it was like He gave me a personal guided tour of the place. I didn't
want to come back but Jesus told me that I had to. Next thing I knew, I was
back in the  wheelchair in church . One thing I vividly remember is the
incredible sense of peace that I had for about a week after.

Ever since my salvation, I have been diligently reading healing scriptures.
However, at first, it must just have been head knowledge. I distinctly
remember the day, though not the exact date, that it moved from my head down
into my heart. I can't even tell you how it moved. I just know that it did
and that I knew that I knew that I was healed.

Another Sunday, again at church but a few years later, I saw a white light
around the pastor. I guess that it was the anointing that God has put on him
to preach the gospel.

One day, I had a vision, I guess that is what it was, of a pipeline between
earth and Heaven. I was halfway up that pipeline. I was given the choice of
either continuing on to Heaven or returning to earth . I chose to return to
earth. Sometimes, especially on off days, I think about that vision and I
really regret that decision. Mind you, if I had chosen to go on to Heaven, I
have no way of knowing if I would actually gone there.

The last supernatural event that I want to mention happened just recently.
Within the past couple of months. I got a quick picture of four angels. One
at each corner of my bed. It was just a glimpse which passed away quickly.
Still, it was pretty awesome!

I also thought that I would also share some things that the Holy Spirit revealed
to me over the years. One of the first things that I distinctly remember
hearing was this. I don't recall the exact words but the gist is that most
Christians are so full of information that they are like sponges that are
too full of water. Just like full sponges are useless until water is
squeezed out, Christians are useless unless some of that information is
squeezed out of them to help other people. Not sure why that was told to me.

The next one pertained to my healing. He told me that my healing was like a
beautiful tapestry. On one side is a lovely picture but, if you turn it
over, there is a hodge-podge of tangled threads. That was years ago and I am
still in the "tangled thread" stage. With even more threads!

One day, I felt like the Holy Spirit was saying to me that I would be surprised at the people I see in Heaven and the ones that I don't see there. Since then, every gathering I attend, be it Christian or not, I can't help wondering which ones will be in Heaven and which ones won't be.

These are some, though certainly not all,  of insights that the Holy Spirit has given me. However, I would like to share with you a couple of things that the Holy Spirit spoke to since I received the cancer diagnosis. At first, I was in desperation mode. I read every scripture that might pertain to cancer and made confessions against the cancer over and over. I pretty much forgot about all the rest of me that needs fixing up. Until one Sunday at church The Holy Spirit spoke to me that the cancer is just a distraction from my main healing. Since that time, I have been trying to keep more of a balance. I am still doing what I can to fight against the cancer but I am also trying to focus on the rest of me that needs healing.

One day, as I was praying about the cancer, I felt the Holy Spirit saying to me, "What cancer?". Now, I don't pray about the cancer, I pray about the symptoms of cancer. They are still squawking but, eventually, they will leave. They have no choice.

This is just a sampling of the experiences and insights that I have had over the years. I enjoyed writing this blog. At times, it is good for me, or anybody, to go back and rehash the good things that God has done or said in the past. 

Princess

Princess-I had no idea what to write in this blog until I was reading a devotional
by Charles Spurgeon in which he refers to us (born-again ones) as princes.
That reminded me of when, years ago, the Holy Spirit told me that, if I was
a King's (God's) kid, that would make me a princess. What does being a
princess entail? Not being personally acquainted with a whole lot of
princesses, I am probably going to primarily base any comments I make on princesses
in fairy tales.

First, though, I want to mention a couple of things that Spurgeon said about
princes. The same thing can be said about a princess. He said that a prince
is in select company. Born-again Christians, male or female, have been
handpicked by God. That puts us in His select family. Select but by no means
exclusive. God is constantly adding people to His family. As born-again
Christians, our part is to tell people about Jesus and His salvation plan.
After that, God will bring in the ones He wants at that particular point in
time.

Another thing that Spurgeon mentions about a prince is that his is a place
of honor. As a princess, I have a place of honor too. Whether or not we have
a place of honor among people of this world, we know that we do of God and
that is really all that matters. Honor in this world is temporary but the
honor bestowed by God will last forever. What is honor? One definition I
read said that honor is high respect or esteem. If we are born-again
Christians, the King of Kings holds us in esteem. That is mind-boggling!

One last thing that Spurgeon mentioned is that a prince has ready access to royalty
that ordinary people don’t have. Obviously, for a princess as well. As God’s
daughter, or princess, I have access to the King of Kings anytime I want.
Becoming a born-again Christian has given me that right. But it is up to me
to exercise that privilege.

Now for a few thoughts of my own. The first thought that came to my mind is
that a princess is well-provided for. Wealthy, even. A princess is not
worried about the basics in life such as food, shelter or clothing. She
knows that her father, the king, will provide all she needs and even more
How much should I, or any other born-again Christians, recognize that, as
God's princes and princesses, our Father, the King of Kings, will meet our
needs. Our part though, is to trust Him to bring it in His way and time and
not to panic and strive to meet our own needs.

Princesses in fairy tales are usually beautiful. From a human perspective,
there are plenty of funny-looking people in this world. But God's
perspective is not the same. Anybody who is a born-again Christian is
beautiful in His sight. Period. Doesn't matter if we are handsome or homely,
fat or skinny, black or white, etc. Kind of like a human father. He sees his
child as beautiful, no matter what anybody else thinks.

I would think that a princess has a good self-esteem. I can't imagine a
princess going around saying how unworthy she is. When Jesus saved me, He
made me worthy. I know that. But, at times, I find myself whining about how
unworthy I am and acting in a way that I think a princess should not be acting.

Most fairy tales have a Prince Charming. Jesus is my Prince Charming. A
prince charming comes to rescue a damsel in distress. As God's daughter, I
may be a princess but I am also a damsel in distress. When Jesus died on the
cross, He rescued me and everyone else from our distresses. But we have to
believe it. I do. My healing just hasn't gotten to the outside yet.

As I was writing this, the thought came to me that, instead of calling each
other Brother or Sister, perhaps  we should start calling each other
Prince So and So or Princess So and So. Said tongue in cheek.