Qualities I Need

Qualities I Need-This blog is the product of another sleepless night. As I
was lying there, my mind drifted unto some of the character qualities that I
need right now.

I need a sense of contentment. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I
felt anything but contented. More like panic mode! However, after I was told
that they were not going to treat the cancer, a sense of contentment settled
over me. God and God alone is going to determine the outcome of my life
and I was content to leave everything in His hands. Lately though, I feel
like my contentment has slipped a bit. Mostly, I think, because it seems
like it has been so long with no positive change in my circumstances. I want
that sense of contentment back but I also know that I can't work it up on my
own.

Right now, I am working on staying calm. Every little thing seems to
irritate, agitate or upset me. So, when something or somebody is starting
to bother me, I make a conscious effort to tell myself to stay calm. Often,
I start praying in tongues in my mind. Because I am not communicating, the
nurses  may think that I am grumpy. That may be true but it also
may be that I am praying in tongues so I don't become grumpy! Can't say it
works all the time but, I figure, some of the time is better than not at all.

I need patience. I am in a situation where I have had no choice but to learn
to be patient. As any born-again Christian knows, after God makes a promise,
there is usually a waiting period. I suspect that God watches to see if we
are willing to wait with patience or become impatient when it doesn't happen
as soon as we want. Living in Long-term Care is also teaching me to be
patient. With 30  other people and minimal staff, somebody always has to
wait for something.

I need to have mega trust in God. I have always needed to trust in God
because no doctor is going to make me walk and talk again. Even more so
after being diagnosed with cancer 

that isn't being treated. Most days, I
pray and ask God to help me to trust Him the way I need to right now.

I need and have hope that I will be restored to perfect health. In this life
and not just when I go to Heaven. That hope has gotten me through a lot of
long, difficult years. I admit that, after the cancer diagnosis, my hope was
shaken a bit but I am ok now. Back to trusting that I will be restored to
perfect health in my lifetime here on earth. I just don't know the when or the
how.

I need courage. Intestinal fortitude. Guts. Whatever you want to call it.
The circumstances that I face everyday are not easy and the last thing I can
be is a wimp. If I was, I never would have lasted this long. From time to
time, though, my courage needs to be fortified. I do this primarily by
looking up and reading scriptures on courage.

Somewhat similar is I need strength. Definitely not physical strength as I
don't have much of that. But,thanks to the Holy Spirit, what I do have is
mental strength. I have to or I would have caved in long ago and,
especially, since I was diagnosed with cancer. I know that the Holy Spirit
is the source of any strength that I have. I maintain that strength by
fellowshipping with the Lord and constantly reading His promises in the
Bible.

I need determination. Determination not to give up no matter how bad it gets. Right now, I at thankful for my stubborn streak. It keeps me going when everything is screaming at me that it is too hard and to give up. Years ago, when repenting for my stubborn streak, the Lord told me that a stubborn streak is not necessarily wrong. It depends how it is used. Unfortunately, I don't always use it in a good way.

I need endurance. I have learned, the hard way, that this is no short-term deal. When I first got saved, I figured that, in a matter of days, I would be the same as before. HA! I now know that I am in a marathon, not a sprint. Like any marathon runner, I need endurance to reach the finish line.

I need the ability to encourage myself. I do value all the encouragement that I get from other people. However, I also know that there are plenty of times when I feel like I need some encouraging but there is nobody around. Times like this, I am tempted to e-mail somebody and gripe to that person. Usually, though, I don't have the energy to write out an e-mail so I do my best to encourage myself. I primarily do this by reading encouraging parts of the Bible. Once I get God's positive thoughts, I forget my own discouraging thoughts.

Finally, and maybe most importantly, I need to maintain a praising, thankful heart. I have found that it is impossible to be depressed and praising God at the same time. When I start to feel depressed, if I have the sense to start to praise God, I always feel better. Sometimes it is hard to think of things to be thankful for but I can always come up with something. At least, I can thankful that I am not going to hell! I certainly don't have a praising, thankful heart all the time but I do try to not let myself go without one for too long.

These are some of the character qualities that I need right now. However, I know that I can't work them up my my own. The Holy Spirit has to give them. That is why, most mornings, I pray that them Holy Spirit will help me get through the day. He always does-somehow!