States of Mind

States Of Mind-I really didn't know what what to write about this time and
the Holy Spirit wasn't giving me any help. But, close to the last minute, I
felt that He was telling me to write about me. I figured that was a problem
though. I really do feel like I have written everything there it is to write
about myself. So I had to consult the Holy Spirit again about what to write
on. The idea came to me to mention some of the states of mind that I go
through which can  change several times in a single day.

When I was saved, my state of mind was sheer joy. Joy because there really
was a God, joy because I will be healed in this life and joy because I am
not going to hell. I was so full of joy that I barely noticed all the
negative circumstances that were, and still are, in my life.

However, after years of dirt being shoveled on top of that joy, l have to
battle against some negative states of mind. One is anger. At times, I do
get angry at a specific person or situation but that usually blows over
quite quickly. At other times, though, I feel angry but I really don't know
why. At times like that, I usually try to hide my anger but not always
successfully. Not too often but a few times, I have even been angry at God.
It is not something I want to be doing frequently but, if it does happen, I
know He can handle it and will continue to love me just as much.

At other times, I don't really feel angry but more just irritated and
restless. At times like that I don't know what to do. I want something but I
don't know what. The best I know to do is try, again not always
successfully, to relax and start reading the Bible. The Bible seems to be an
anecdote for any negative state of mind that I may be in.

Depression is a state of mind that I struggle with a lot. However, when I am
feeling depressed, I have learned to take a look at what I am thinking
about. Usually, I wallow in self-pity for a bit first but, when I do look at
my thoughts, I find that they have gotten off of Jesus and what He has
promised in the Bible. Once I get my focus back where it should be, the
depression leaves. I have also learned that a little depression from time to
time is ok as long as I get over it quickly.

Sometimes, though, my state of mind is not anger or irritation or depression. It is just plain tired. I have been through a lot and, times like that it is so tempting to call it quits. But I have to keep fighting. I have to get out of bed, on to my computer and to continue inhaling scriptures, especially on healing. I must continue to make healing confessions and whatever else will keep me on track. I can't give up. I want to see how this ends.

Quite often, my state of mind is neutral. I am not really happy but I don't feel down either. It is times like this that I spend a lot of my time thinking about things that are not going to pull me down.

However, sometimes I am in a positive state of mind. I am even happy at times. Happiness is dependent on circumstances so what on earth do I have to be happy about? One thing that usually makes me happy is the praise and worship at church. My grandchildren always make me happy. Lots of simple things but I mentioned those in a previous blog.

Perhaps my favorite state of mind is when I feel calm, peaceful and rather mellow. I know that God is in control so all is well. When I am feeling like that, not much can disturb me. Unfortunately, it is just a matter of time until the negative circumstances in my life start to overwhelm me again.

It would really nice, for all of us, to remain on an even keel all the time. But, like everyone else, I am human with emotions that go up and down and my state of mind goes with them!

Simple Things

Simple Things-For many years, my life has not been very "scintillating".
Just the opposite. But, over the long, monotonous years, I have learned to
appreciate and value the little, simple things in life.

One thing that I have learned to value is a good night's sleep. I am not a
good sleeper so, when I do get 6 or 7 hours of sleep, it is absolutely
wonderful.

Another simple thing that I value is a good cup of coffee with my breakfast.
The coffee in Long-term Care is decaffeinated but the kitchen staff sends
coffee on my tray so I get my shot of caffeine. At times, it is not that
good. Maybe too strong or lukewarm. Most of the time, though, it tastes SO
good and helps to start my day. Once in awhile, somebody, nurse or
otherwise, brings me a Tim Horton's coffee. I can't go get it for myself any
time I want so it is always a real treat for me. Same with homemade baking.
That is not something we get a lot of in Long-term Care so just a little
thing like that can brighten up my day.

But enough about food. One of the simple things that I enjoy the most is
watching small children. They are so genuine and innocent. If I don't feel
like smiling, they can usually bring a smile to my face. Especially my
grandkids. I love it when my adopted grandkids crawl all over me and I
really enjoy watching my real grandson. Though I usually have to watch him
via Skype.

Sometimes, I have to listen to people talk about different, exotic places
that they are going. Like Jamaica, Mexico, etc. But, because l usually look
at the same four walls day-after-day, even a trip to Bonnyville is something
to look forward to. Awhile back, I even got to go to Edmonton and
Lloydminster a couple of times each. I am sure that I was as excited about
those destinations as other people are of their "big" trips.

Visitors always give me a lot of pleasure. Whether a person (s) comes to chat or to read to me, it is a special time for me. I am alone a lot so it is enjoyable for me to have people with me for awhile. Plus, they take my mind off me and my problems. So, whether they chat or read, always brighten my day.

I just want to mention a couple of little things that I really enjoy. One is a nice, hot bath. The bath water here is not always as warm as I like so, when it is, it feels so good. Another little pleasure of mine is this. Every night, when the nurses put me to bed, they tuck me in with a warm blanket. What a nice way to go to bed. Then, when they reposition me around 2 am, they give me a new warm blanket.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention how much I enjoy receiving e-mails. It is a way that I have to freely communicate with other people and, everyday, I look forward to checking my e-mail.

Those are some of the simple things in my life that I enjoy. I could probably think of more if I tried but you get the picture. I have to learned get enjoyment from the simple things in my life. The truth is that I lead a pretty simple life. Simple but not easy. 

Time To Quit

Time To Quit-I admit that I struggled with this one. The title came to me a
few days ago but I didn't have a clue what it means. Did the Holy Spirit
mean it is time to stop writing blogs? Or, perhaps, did it mean that I
should give up on my healing altogether? But, then, it wasn't the Holy
Spirit that I heard from. He would never tell me something like that. I am
still not too sure about it but I wrote down a few ideas.

One thing that I would like to quit are all the sleepless, or little sleep,
nights. I always have gone through spells where I have had trouble sleeping
but they are much more frequent now. Before the stroke, if I couldn't sleep,
I would get up, make a cup of tea and read until I felt like sleeping. Now,
though, all I can do is lie there and wait for morning. At times, I do pray
or quote scriptures to myself, but too often I stew because I can't sleep.
And, of course, the more I stew, the less likely I am to fall asleep.

Another thing that I would like to quit is frustration. After years of
living with frustration, I am frustrated with feeling frustrated so much of
the time. Perhaps the one thing that frustrates me the most is the inability
to speak. It is frustrating not to that be able to take part in
conversations. Equally frustrating is that speech board. At times, it is
hard to make people understand that I want to say something on the speech
board. When they do pick it up, it not always easy to make myself
understood. Not being able to move has plenty of frustrations as well. I
have no intention of mentioning most of them or this blog would be too long.
One thing that really, really frustrates me is when I am working on my
computer and there is a power outage. My computer turns itself off so, when
the power comes back on, I have to wait until somebody turns my computer
back on.

I probably should quit watching so much tv but I know I won't unless the
Holy Spirit specifically tells me to. However, I only watch tv in the
evenings. Years ago, to help pass time,I would watch tv in the afternoon if
sports were on. Until the Holy Spirit pointed out that it was too much tv if
I watch both afternoon or evening. So I cut out afternoon tv. I also limit
myself to mostly watching sports. I once asked the Lord if I should watch so
many sports. His reply was to continue to watch but also to pray for the
salvation of those players.

There are some things , though, that I know it is not time to quit. One is reading the Bible. It is never time to stop reading the Bible. I have read the Bible many times but I never get tired of it. The Bible encourages me when I need encouraging, it comforts me when I need comfort, it gives me hope when I need hope, etc. No matter how many times I have read a passage of the Bible, something new always seems to jump out at me. My favorite time is when I am reading the Bible. I do the majority of it before breakfast. The nurses are really busy at that time, so I know I won't be disturbed.

Another thing that I know it is not time to give up is prayer. Prayer is simply communication with God. My times of formal prayer may be limited but I talk to God in my mind constantly. To be honest,I am not sure that stopping breathing would be any more difficult for me than to stop communicating with God.

I know that it is not time for me to stop going to church. Because I am hurting so badly, I often have to fight the temptation to isolate myself and stop going to church. But I also know that it is the worst thing that I could do. I need all the prayer, encouragement and support I can get from my church family,

These blogs. I often think that I should stop writing them because I feel I am out of things to write about. So far, though, the Holy Spirit has always come up with something for me to write about. So I will continue to write them. Unless the Holy Spirit makes it very clear to me that it is time to quit. 

Encouragement

Encouragement-Believe it or not, I am not some kind of "superChristian"!  I
wish I was but I am not even sure that there is such a person. I am just a
very ordinary person living, for now, with extraordinary circumstances. Just
to get through each day, and hold on to my sanity, I am doing everything I
can to keep myself encouraged.

Probably the main thing that I look to for encouragement is the Bible, or
Word of God. Times that I am feeling totally discouraged and at my wits'
end, I turn to the Bible to help me to get me out of my doldrums. Times that
I am sitting up and using my computer, it is easy for me to look up and read
scriptures on encouragement, comfort, hope, etc. It is not quite so easy
when I am resting in bed and can't use my computer. However, by now, I know
the Bible well enough that I am able to quote encouraging scriptures to
myself. When I have the sense to do it.

Another source of encouragement for me is the Holy Spirit. Because I have no
choice but to be still, it maybe is easier for me to hear His voice than
those who are always rushing around, doing something, Quite often, the Holy
Spirit has an encouraging word for me. Actually, having the Holy Spirit
speak to me at anytime is encouraging. Even if it is a rebuke. I find it
encouraging just to know that He won't allow me to get "off course".

Church is also a source of encouragement for me. It is a totally different
atmosphere than Long-term Care. It is encouraging for me to simply be in a
place where the focus is on God. I believe that a pastor, at least a good
one, speaks on what the Holy Spirit tells him to speak on. So, when the
pastor speaks, I know it is God speaking to the congregation. If something
he says really jumps out at me, I know that God is speaking to me through
the pastor.

Considering that I never wanted to write these blogs, I am actually finding
that writing them is quite an encouragement to me. Most times, what I write
down, hopefully, for the benefit of the readers is also the Holy Spirit
speaking to me.

Another way that I get encouragement is through friends. Particularly those with the same beliefs as me. We can freely discuss God and His ways. It always is an encouragement to me to be able to actually talk about God and not just to hear about Him. Of course, it helps a lot if the friends can use my speech board well.

I also get encouragement from my music. Especially when I am resting in bed. I enjoy listening to the lyrics and, quite often, I hear a sentence or phrase that is very encouraging. When I am listening to instrumental music, Christian or, at times, classical, I often find myself either praising in English or in tongues along to the tune.

Ultimately, though, any encouragement I get is up to me myself. Yes, the Bible encourages me but I have to read it. I have no control when the Holy Spirit speaks to me but it is up to me to keep myself in a position that I can easily hear from Him. Yes, I get a lot of encouragement at church but I have to attend. Yes, friends encourage me but, for the most part, I need to spend time with people who believe like I do. And, yes, I draw a lot of encouragement from my music but it is up to me to play music that will help to keep me encouraged.