I will Bless Praise The Lord At All Times

I Will Praise The Lord At ALL Times-I am now in a situation where, aside
from stuffing myself full of scriptures and praying, I figure all I can do
is praise God and trust Him to get me out of this predicament in His way and
time. The Bible says that we are to praise God at all times. I started
thinking of all the times and places that I could, and should be praising
God.

The most obvious time to praise God is when I am at church. It is pretty
easy then with the music team playing and others praising. Quite a few years
ago, while at church, I was thinking to God that He must really like Sundays
with so many people praising Him. But His reply was that it means more to
Him when people praise Him during the week.

I don't sleep well. A perfect time for me to praise Him would be in the
middle of the night when I can't sleep anyway and there is nothing to
distract from God. At times, I do start to praise God but, too often, my
thoughts wander into frustration that I either can't get to sleep or wake up
way to early.

The nurses dress me about 6 am but I don't get up until between 7 and 7:30.
I call the intervening period my "quiet" time. I use it to meditate on Bible
verses, pray or praise God. At times.my mind does wander but, most of the
time, I am to drag it back where it should be.

Once I am up and able to use my computer, it is much easier to keep my focus
on God. Easier to praise once my Christian music starts playing. I start
each day, except Sunday, with five Psalms. There is lots of praise in the
Psalms. I spend most of the time until breakfast reading the Bible so my
focus is on God and His praise.

Our breakfasts are late. Between 9 and 9:30. I admit that it, along with
other meals, is not a time that I praise God. In fact, half the time I even
forget to say grace. I am too busy watching other people, listening to what
the nurses are talking about or, sometimes, chatting with whoever is feeding
me. Anyway, if we are supposed to praise God all times, I get an F at
mealtimes!

After breakfast, it is back my computer until lunch. This time, though, it is usually to write. Either e-mails, blogs or, once in awhile, a letter. Once I have finished my writing for the day.if there is still time before lunch, I like to do something that I have been doing since I was diagnosed with cancer. I read scriptures on different topics. Like scriptures on hope, peace, courage, etc. Including scriptures on praise. I always find them uplifting, no matter how I feel.

After lunch, I rest in bed. Which means I am not able to use my computer. But my music is still playing so I spend most afternoons listening to music and, hopefully, praising God. There are times, though, that my mind wanders unto negative things and it needs to be jerked back to God and His praise.

In evening, I mostly watch tv. Sports most of the time. However, ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, I try, each evening to read some scriptures on different topics. Like in the morning. I really enjoy watching sports but I know that is not where I will find the miracle that I need.

Before I go to sleep, I like to pray for certain people. But, before I start, I like to praise and give thanks. Since the cancer diagnosis , one thing that I always thank Him for, along with other things, is for another day that I feel pretty good. I know, though, that I don't spend enough time just praising God.

One other time that I realized I don't praise God enough is when I am having a bath. I got to thinking that there is no reason not to praise God when I can't be using my speech board to chat anyway.

If we, as Christians, including myself, are commanded to praise God at ALL times, I suspect we are doing a poor job. At least, I am. The point of this blog, I think, to make me aware of times that I am not praising God when I could and should be. 

An Off Day

An Off Day-It is Saturday. The day I usually start my blog. Today, though, I
have nothing specific to write about. So I am just going to start writing
and, whatever comes out, comes out.

I woke up this morning feeling like I couldn't face another day like this. I
started crying while the nurses were getting me dressed. And I cried off and
on when I first started using my computer. I had to literally force myself
to start doing my daily Bible reading. However, after some Bible reading,
and a nice cup of coffee, I do feel better able to face the day.

Let's see if I can explain what has bothered me lately. When I was first
saved, I knew that I would be restored to total health. But then year after
endless year went by with no apparent change in my circumstances. However,
in March of this year when I was diagnosed with cancer, I thought things
were finally starting to change. But, once the doctors determined that there
is nothing they can do for me, I seem to have gone back to the same going
round and round with nothing ever changing. I can honestly say, though,
that, throughout the long years, even after being diagnosed with
"untreatable" cancer, I have never have given up hope.

Only now I have symptoms of cancer to deal with on top of everything else
that is wrong with me.  A couple of weeks ago, I stopped
taking some medication that they were giving me to slow down the spread of
the cancer. It was a form of chemo but all it was going to do was prolong
things. I really don't want things prolonged. I will take my chances with
God alone. It is actually very liberating to know that God has the healing
of my entire body in His hands.

Do I believe that God will get me out of the mess that I am at present? Yes,
I do. For this reason. I cannot see a loving God keeping me alive and
allowing me to suffer for so many years just to let me die a slow, agonizing
death like cancer. That sounds almost sadistic to me. However, I also know
that God is a sovereign God and His perspective on things may be totally different than mine. Anyway, despite all the discomfort and frustration of my life, I really am in a win-win situation. Either I get healed in this life and carry on with whatever God has for me to do or I go to Heaven to live with Jesus. Can't beat that!

Now it is Tuesday and time to finish this blog. And, yes, my emotions are in a much better place today. I knew they would be because I have learned that, even though it is ok to have an off, woe is me time, it is up to me not to let it go on and on. It is up to me to pull myself out of it. God will let me wallow in it until I decide to do something about it. And that something is to take the focus off me and the circumstances and back on Jesus where it should be. The key word, though, is LEARNED. It didn't happen overnight for me and it won't for others either.

This morning, I had this thought. I am now 66 years old. I had the stroke when I was 33 so that means that I have spent half my life in a hospital. My next thought was, "What do I have to show for it?". The answer has to be, on the outside, nothing but, on the inside where it really matters, I am sure there have been some significant changes.

This blog has no specific theme. Mostly, it is just a few of my thoughts as I wait on God. 

Jesus Is My...

Jesus Is My... -One day, I had that song on my mind that refers to Jesus as
our all in all. That made me start thinking of some of the things that Jesus
is to me.

Most importantly, Jesus is my salvation. Because Jesus died on that cross so
long ago and rose again and because I have asked Him to forgive my sins and
be Lord of my life, I know that no matter what happens in this life I will
never see hell. Instead, after I die, I will go to Heaven to live with Jesus
forever and ever. I don't really know what it will be like but I do know that it will be amazing without the
pains and sorrows that we have here.

Jesus is my healer. My Great Physician. Because of the
effects of the "complication" from the brain stem stroke and now the
cancer, human doctors can nothing for me but Dr. Jesus can and will. I still
believe for complete restoration to health while I am living here on earth
but if for some unknown reason it doesn't happen, I know that I will be in
perfect health in Heaven.

Jesus is my anti-depressant.  I do have spells of depression, sometimes
quite severe, but thanks to Jesus, they usually don't last too long. I have
learned that if I feel depressed, it is usually because I am guilty of
starting to think too much about myself, my difficult present circumstances, 
and my potentially bleak future. So I need to get my focus back on Jesus
where it should. When I am having a pity-party, that is not an easy thing to
do. I have to FORCE myself to pray, read the Bible or anything else that
will get my mind on Jesus.

Jesus is my constant companion and best friend. Human friends are wonderful
and I appreciate them very much. But no matter how great they may be, they
can't be with me all the time like Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, is. Even
in the middle of the night. The communication problem that I have makes
human friendships difficult, but in my mind I can talk to Jesus anytime I
want. Believe me, He has heard it all-the good, the bad and the ugly.

Jesus is my Holy One. Because Jesus is my constant companion and friend, I sometimes have to remind myself of just how holy He is. Worthy of all reverence and awe. One thing that helps to remind me of His holiness is the Christian music that I have playing for most of the day. Many songs talk about His holiness.

Jesus is my hope. Hope of eternal life in Heaven of course, but also hope for a better life here on earth. Nothing is impossible with Jesus so, no matter how bleak the circumstances get, I know that I always have hope in Him. That hope has carried me through a lot of difficult situations for a long time and is continuing through my present circumstances which are not looking too good. At least, not by human doctors. But my hope is in Jesus, not humans of any kind.

Jesus is my refuge. When I feel overwhelmed by the circumstances facing me, I have learned that I need to run TO, not away, from Jesus. If I am up and can use my computer, I usually do this by reading the Bible. In it, I find encouragement, hope, peace, courage, etc. At other times, though, I am in bed and can't use my computer. Then I run to Him as my refuge through praise, sometimes in word, sometimes in song. In my mind, of course. Jesus knows what is going on in my mind. Other times I take refuge by quoting Bible verses to myself that encourage me.

To sum it up, Jesus is my life. Most of it anyway. Let's be honest. Since the stroke, I haven't had much of a life. But, somehow, Jesus is getting me through it and will continue to do so until the end as long as I keep Him as the center of my life. 

Hopes and Dreams

Hopes And Dreams-A friend of mine from university came for a visit and
brought some pictures of me (us) during university days. We had lots of fun
looking at the pictures and remembering. The truth, though, is those
pictures made me a little sad. Especially my graduation picture. The young
girl in that picture had so many hopes and dreams but look at me now. Except
I know that I still have hopes and dreams. They have just changed with added
years and changing circumstances.

When I graduated from university, my main hope and dream was to obtain a
teaching position. Afterall, I had gone to university to become a teacher.
It didn't happen right away, though, as I didn't obtain a regular position
until the following January. In the meantime, I was a substitute teacher in
Medicine Hat. Then I got a phone call that they needed a teacher in Cold
Lake. Where on earth was Cold Lake? Side note. I have never been able to
shake the idea that somehow God was involved in getting me to Cold Lake.
When the superintendent called, he said that he had phoned the University of
Lethbridge and they gave him my name. If he wanted somebody just out of
university, why didn't he call Edmonton which is a lot closer than
Lethbridge is. Anyway, I needed a job so I trundled off to Cold Lake, not
really knowing where I was going, and my brief teaching career began.

Once I was established in a fulltime teaching position, my next hope and
dream was like that of most young girls. I wanted to get married. Back then,
people actually got married before living together. After a couple of years
of teaching, I settled into what I thought would be a lengthy period as a
teacher, wife and, eventually, mother.

But I was so very, very wrong. After I came out of the coma, following the
brain stem stroke, my hopes and dreams had all radically changed. I woke up
only to discover that I was totally paralyzed and unable to speak. However,
the doctor did say that I would relearn to walk and talk and, to that end,
all my hopes and dreams were focused .

But then came the "complication". No matter what happened, I knew that I would never get better. My hopes and dreams died. I had no future that I even wanted to think about so I spent most of that period thinking about the past. And being depressed.

But then came September of 1985. I got saved. I knew that I knew that I knew that I would be healed. I was so excited. I thought that God would zap me at any minute and I would be the same as before. Little did I know how long it would be, or how much I would have to learn, before I get healed. As the years rolled by with no change in my condition, my zeal and excitement turned to dogged determination to stick it out. I can honestly say, though, that I have never given up on my hopes and dreams of a full recovery.

This past March, when I was starting to think that nothing will ever change, something did change. But not for the better. I was diagnosed with cancer . After I got over the shock, and after all hope of medical help was gone, in desperation, bordering on panic, I turned even more to God. I stuffed myself full of Bible verses for cancer patients and made confessions against the cancer. Recently, though, I have been trying to keep more of a balance between seeking healing for the cancer and seeking healing for everything else that is wrong with me. I can't help thinking that, once God heals the rest of me, the cancer will be gone as well.

So, as of today, that is how things stand. At the present time, most of my hopes and dreams are centered around my total healing, including the cancer. As for hopes and dreams for the future after I receive my healing, I don't really have any as I have no clue what God has planned for my future. From time to time, though, I can't help speculating.