I Surrender All

I Surrender All-One afternoon when I listening to music, the song "I
Surrender All" started playing. It is so easy to sing the words to that song
but, the truth is, have we surrendered all? But never mind other other
people, the question that I need to ask myself is, "Have I truly surrendered
all or is the song just so many nice words?". If the word "surrender" means
voluntarily giving up control to another and the word "all" means everything,
absolutely everything, then I would have to admit that I can't honestly
confess that I surrender all!

The first problematic word for me is "voluntarily". I have surrendered some
things but I am not sure how voluntarily. The most obvious one is my health.
God has put me in a situation where no doctor can help me. I either let God
have control of my health or remain in the state I am at present. But, as I
was writing this, the thought came to me that it was voluntary in the sense
that I had the choice of of believing in God's healing promises rather than
the negative circumstances that just seem go on and on and on...

I guess, if I think about it that way, I suppose everything that I have
given to God has been voluntary because I have chosen to believe what God
says rather than what I see, On example of this is the salvation of my kids.
Right now, it doesn't look promising. But, I just keep on praying and leave
the rest up to God. Years ago, the Lord gave me a word about my son. He told
me that He had something special for Donovan. Every so often, I remind God
of that promise and how Donovan needs to be saved so it can come to pass.
This might help somebody. When my kids were still quite little, I was really
worrying and fretting about them. Until the Lord spoke these words to me.
"Those are not your kids. They are Mine. I just lent them to you for awhile.
I can take better care of them than you can. "

Another thing that I have surrendered to God is my time. I have way too much
of it. Because of this, it would be so easy to use the internet or tv for
"ungodly" purposes. But I chosen not to. I use the internet primarily to
read the Bible. Other times, I like to read other things. Largely classic
English literature although, from time to time, I like to read different
Christian material or listen to different Christian speakers online, I know
I watch too much tv but there is not much else for me to do. I admit that,
especially in the evening, I simply don't have the energy to do much but
watch tv. I don't watch a lot of Christian tv as there isn't much on but I
do try to be careful what I watch. God watches everything I do and I don't
want Him to catch me watching something I know I shouldn't be watching.

A question I need to ask myself is if I have surrendered all in the area of
finances. I never had a problem with finances so, to be honest, I never gave
it much thought. Just recently, though, I have had, let's say, a financial
"upheaval". I admit that, when I first saw how small my income was going to be, I was pretty upset and not knowing what to do. But church settled my down and, since then, I haven't given much thought to my finances. Still, I am not sure that it isn't that I know that I have enough savings to tide me over for awhile if need be than it is that I have surrendered my finances to God.

One area that is a constant battle for me is surrendering my thoughts to God. That is one disadvantage of so much time. Too much time to think. I am getting better at surrendering my thoughts to God but there are still too many times when my thoughts "escape" and I have to pull them back in line.

There are probably others but I can think of two,specific areas that I have not surrendered to God. The first is frustration. I am FRUSTRATED and that frustration leads to other negative behaviors. But, if I surrender all to God, doesn't "all" include frustration? Gotta admit that I don't have a handle on that one yet.

The other area that I know that I haven't surrendered totally to God is worry and anxiety. Even though I don't have the major worries that "normal" people have, quite often I catch myself worrying and fretting over some insignificant thing. Which tells me that I haven't completely surrendered to God in the area of worry.

I really think that, for me anyway, the title of that song should be "I Surrender All-All Of The Time ". It is easy to surrender all when I am in a "surrendering" place, like church, but not so easy when I am by myself with my emotions running wild.