Reasons to Be Thankful

Reasons To Be Thankful-I was sitting by my bed one afternoon, waiting for
the nurses to put me to bed. My back was hurting and, I find, it is always
more difficult to be thankful when I am in pain. So I FORCED myself to think
of things that I, personally, am thankful to God for.

The primary reason to be thankful to God is simply because He is worthy of
my thanks. That doesn't change if I have a backache or any other kind of
ache. It certainly also doesn't change if my emotions are running high on a
particular day and I am expressing all sorts of negative emotions. The
bottom line is that God is just as good every single day and He is worthy of
my thanks no matter what is going on my life or how I am feeling, either
physically or emotionally.

I am also thankful to Jesus for dying  on the cross and taking away my sins
so that I am going to Heaven and not to hell. The truth, though, is I didn't
know any of that stuff when I first became a born-again Christian. I was
presented with the fact that Jesus could heal me and it just clicked in
enough for me to get saved. No doubt, he told me about Jesus dying for my
sins, etc., but I zeroed in on the healing. It was only after I had been a
Christian for a little while that I realized the magnitude of what Jesus has
done for me. Now I am extremely thankful to God for both my healing and that,
because my sins have been taken away,  I am not going to hell.

Becaus everyday I face a pretty difficult situation,I have a frequent
battle with depression. That is why being thankful to God is so crucial for
me. When I feel the depression coming on, if I have the sense to start
thanking and praising God, it isn't long before those depressed thoughts are gone.
Sometimes, though, I let myself get totally depressed and am thoroughly
wallowing in it before I MAKE myself start to thank and praise God. The key
word is "make", as when I am depressed, the very LAST thing I want to do is thank
God. Or anybody else for that matter. I wish I could say I do it all the
time but I don't. I just know that when I thank God, it takes away my
depression.

Being thankful is also important for me because it helps me to keep my focus on God and what He is doing in my life. Because of all the time that I have to think, it is too easy to let my mind go helter-skelter all over the place. I don't always think negative thoughts but too many of my thoughts are not focused on God either. I find it is easier to be thankful for the "big" answers to prayer than the ordinary ones. But my life has a lot small answers to prayer. One thing I do to keep my mind focused on and thankful to God, is every night before I go to sleep, think back over the day and think of things to be thankful for, no matter how "little". Sometimes, it is hard to think of anything specific to be thankful for but I can usually come up with something. Another thing I try to do is, whenever God answers a prayer, no matter how trivial it seems, I send an e-mail to somebody to tell them all about it.

Being thankful also helps me to remember that it could be worse. I have a friend who has a little boy with a heart condition. One thing she said in an e-mail is that when he is being a pain, she is thankful that he is healthy enough to be a pain. That made me think that things could be worse in my life.  First of all, I very well might not be here at all as I was only given a 50% chance of surviving the stroke. I had a blood clot at the base of my brain so it is possible that I wouldn't have the good mind that I do. I use my eyes a lot. Can you imagine what my life would be like if I were blind? And so on and on. You get the picture. My life is not too good but it could be a lot worse.

So being thankful is not just an option for me. It is essential if I am going to hold on until the end. 

Cocoon

Cocoon-I sometimes get the thought that God has me in a cocoon right now. I
kind of compare it to the cocoon of a butterfly. Although not scientifically
accurate, these are some of the ways that my life seems to be a bit like
that of a butterfly in a cocoon.

First, it is a time of transformation. In goes a caterpillar, out comes a
pretty butterfly. I am not sure how much my physical attributes will have
changed when I emerge from my cocoon. I can't imagine much, although just
being able to walk and talk again should provide some changes in my
appearance. However, I suspect that some of my biggest transformations
taking place while I am still in the area of values, priorities and
attitudes.

Secondly, the cocoon is a place of maturation. A caterpillar., when it
enters the cocoon, is certainly not the mature butterfly it is when it exits.
Likewise, I entered the cocoon of my present existence as a new Christian. I
had a lot of zeal but I also had a lot of self-centeredness and all the
not-so-nice qualities that go with a self-centered person. Plus, though I
knew I was saved, that is about all I knew. So God has been using my l-o-n-g
cocoon time to instill knowledge, especially of the Bible, in me and also to
remove selfishness from me. When I finally emerge from this cocoon, I will
be a much more mature Christian.

Thirdly, a cocoon is a place of protection. At least I think it is. I don't
imagine a caterpillar/butterfly has a lot of enemies while in the cocoon.
But, for all I know, I could be wrong. I do, however, know that the cocoon that I
seem to be in is God's way of protecting me from a lot of things that people
"out there" have to deal with. Things like unemployment, bills, marriage
problems, etc.

Fourthly, a cocoon is a place of isolation. One cocoon for one caterpillar/butterfly. Not always but a lot of the time, Long-term Care, my cocoon, is a place of isolation. Just as a caterpillar/butterfly has to be alone in its cocoon, there are times that I have to be alone in my cocoon. There are times that other people simply can't be with me, there are things that I have to go through that I must go through alone and, most importantly, I need lots of time alone with God to become the person that God wants me to become.

Fifthly, nobody notices a cocoon or what is in it. I don't remember ever seeing a cocoon. I often feel totally unnoticed in my cocoon. Kind of like out of sight, out of mind. But, just like a pretty butterfly gets noticed, I am sure that, once I emerge from my cocoon, I will get noticed. Probably more than I want!

Finally, and this is mere speculation, a cocoon doesn't appear to be very comfortable. I could be wrong. Perhaps a butterfly is comfortable while still in the cocoon. All I know that it is not comfortable in my cocoon and seems to be getting even less comfortable all the time. However, once I come out of my cocoon, I am sure that I will finally be comfortable again. I wonder what that will feel like?

Even though not scientifically accurate, the analogy to a butterfly in a cocoon seems describe the situation I am in right now. 

Happy Thoughts

Happy Thoughts-This blog is the product of another night in which I was
having trouble sleeping. Rather than dwelling on the frustration of not
being able to sleep, I started thinking about my next blog and hoping I
might get an idea to write about. In my blogs, I usually attempt to paint a
picture of what my life is at present. Unfortunately, that doesn't always
make for the most cheerful reading. There is not a whole lot of happy going
on in my life right now. However, I do have lots of time to think and not
all my thoughts are negative. I started thinking about all my "happy"
thoughts and I was surprised that I came up with as many as I did.

Happy thought #1-"I am not going to hell, I am going to Heaven" Lots of
times, I think that I am going through hell but I know very well that the
real hell would be a LOT worse. In fact, that is one of the things that
keeps me going. I often think that I am not going to hell for anybody or
anything and that might happen if I give up. But, the thought of Heaven. Now
that is a happy thought! I don't really have any idea what Heaven will be
like and my finite mind can't wrap itself around the idea of living forever
but I know that it will be awesomely, mind-bogglingly good!

Happy thought #2-"I am healed and I don't have to wait for Heaven" I may not
look or feel healed but my healing is there on the inside. One of these
days, it will move from the inside to where it can be seen. I have lived so
long not being able to move or speak that I have trouble imagining being
able to move and speak freely. But I know that it will happen so I guess
that I will find out.

Happy thought #3 "Jesus is my best friend" I have shared before what a
lonely life I lead. Peoplewise, anyway. However, it is a happy thought to
know that Jesus is always with me even when people can't be. And, like any
true friend, He is always honest with me. He comforts me when I really do
need it but He will also rebuke me when He thinks I need it.

There are plenty of other happy thoughts that I have about Jesus but, now, I
want to mention some other happy thoughts.

Happy Thought #4 "My grandkids are so precious" My real grandson doesn't
live here so I mostly just see him via skype. But is a happy thought when I
can have a skype visit with him, watch his antics and listen to his
5-year-old chatter. However, I do get to see my "adopted" grandkids
frequently. And, I may add, love every minute of it! Even when I am having
one of these days when I think that I will never smile again, they never
fail to bring a smile to my face. They are so sweet and innocent. Aside from
Jesus, grandkids just may be the best thing in my life right now!

Happy thought #5 "I love my computer-most of the time" Most importantly, my computer is my Bible. With the internet, I am able to read lots of different translations. I also have a separate Bible program that has several older translations, commentaries, an older dictionary and a small selection of books. Right now, I am using it to read through the sermons by Charles Spurgeon which I really enjoy. So, as long as my computer is working, I have no excuse for not reading and studying the Bible. My computer is also the way I do most of my communicating. I use the e-mail to stay in touch with friends and relatives. Also, when I need to talk to somebody about something, I can just send them an e-mail rather than having go through the nurses. Finally, that computer is my source of entertainment. I use it both watch tv and to read at leisure. Once in awhile, though, my computer won't do what I want it to do. Then I don't love it quite so much!

Happy thoughts #6 "I get to go out" It is always a happy thought when I know I have the opportunity to get out of Long-term Care. Of course, going to church is always a special time but I also have happy thoughts when I know that I will be going somewhere else. Be it shopping, out to eat or some other destination.

Happy thought #7 "I am getting a visitor" Because of the communication difficulty, I pretty much have to interact on a one-to-one basis and it is easier here where there are less distractions. So, it is a really happy thought that I will actually be able to converse with somebody. On the other hand, there are people who come especially to read to me. The thought of them coming is every bit as happy for me.

If I wanted to, I could think of more happy thoughts but the gist of the matter is this. I have a lot of time to think and, for sure, not all my thoughts could be classified as happy. But it is also true that some of my thoughts are definitely "happy". 

I Surrender All

I Surrender All-One afternoon when I listening to music, the song "I
Surrender All" started playing. It is so easy to sing the words to that song
but, the truth is, have we surrendered all? But never mind other other
people, the question that I need to ask myself is, "Have I truly surrendered
all or is the song just so many nice words?". If the word "surrender" means
voluntarily giving up control to another and the word "all" means everything,
absolutely everything, then I would have to admit that I can't honestly
confess that I surrender all!

The first problematic word for me is "voluntarily". I have surrendered some
things but I am not sure how voluntarily. The most obvious one is my health.
God has put me in a situation where no doctor can help me. I either let God
have control of my health or remain in the state I am at present. But, as I
was writing this, the thought came to me that it was voluntary in the sense
that I had the choice of of believing in God's healing promises rather than
the negative circumstances that just seem go on and on and on...

I guess, if I think about it that way, I suppose everything that I have
given to God has been voluntary because I have chosen to believe what God
says rather than what I see, On example of this is the salvation of my kids.
Right now, it doesn't look promising. But, I just keep on praying and leave
the rest up to God. Years ago, the Lord gave me a word about my son. He told
me that He had something special for Donovan. Every so often, I remind God
of that promise and how Donovan needs to be saved so it can come to pass.
This might help somebody. When my kids were still quite little, I was really
worrying and fretting about them. Until the Lord spoke these words to me.
"Those are not your kids. They are Mine. I just lent them to you for awhile.
I can take better care of them than you can. "

Another thing that I have surrendered to God is my time. I have way too much
of it. Because of this, it would be so easy to use the internet or tv for
"ungodly" purposes. But I chosen not to. I use the internet primarily to
read the Bible. Other times, I like to read other things. Largely classic
English literature although, from time to time, I like to read different
Christian material or listen to different Christian speakers online, I know
I watch too much tv but there is not much else for me to do. I admit that,
especially in the evening, I simply don't have the energy to do much but
watch tv. I don't watch a lot of Christian tv as there isn't much on but I
do try to be careful what I watch. God watches everything I do and I don't
want Him to catch me watching something I know I shouldn't be watching.

A question I need to ask myself is if I have surrendered all in the area of
finances. I never had a problem with finances so, to be honest, I never gave
it much thought. Just recently, though, I have had, let's say, a financial
"upheaval". I admit that, when I first saw how small my income was going to be, I was pretty upset and not knowing what to do. But church settled my down and, since then, I haven't given much thought to my finances. Still, I am not sure that it isn't that I know that I have enough savings to tide me over for awhile if need be than it is that I have surrendered my finances to God.

One area that is a constant battle for me is surrendering my thoughts to God. That is one disadvantage of so much time. Too much time to think. I am getting better at surrendering my thoughts to God but there are still too many times when my thoughts "escape" and I have to pull them back in line.

There are probably others but I can think of two,specific areas that I have not surrendered to God. The first is frustration. I am FRUSTRATED and that frustration leads to other negative behaviors. But, if I surrender all to God, doesn't "all" include frustration? Gotta admit that I don't have a handle on that one yet.

The other area that I know that I haven't surrendered totally to God is worry and anxiety. Even though I don't have the major worries that "normal" people have, quite often I catch myself worrying and fretting over some insignificant thing. Which tells me that I haven't completely surrendered to God in the area of worry.

I really think that, for me anyway, the title of that song should be "I Surrender All-All Of The Time ". It is easy to surrender all when I am in a "surrendering" place, like church, but not so easy when I am by myself with my emotions running wild.