What I Have

What I Have-One thing that I do, at times, struggle with is the fact that,
apparently, I have so little compared with other people. At times like that,
I have to, on purpose, make myself think of all the things that I do have.
And, when I do, I can usually come up with more than I would think.

I have time, oh man do I have time! Even though, most days, it is a real
challenge to think up ways to pass the long hours, I am also grateful for
all the time I have to spend with nobody but God. The nurses are busy and
seldom interrupt me once I am up and using my computer. So I can spend as
much time as I want reading the Bible and different devotionals. When I am
in bed and can't use my computer, I can always talk with God. I wish I could
say that our conversations are wonderful, spiritual encounters but,
especially lately because I am feeling so tired and worn out, too often our
conversations have deteriorated into me whining about how hard it is or much
longer and He just listens patiently until I settle down.

l have, thankfully, a good mind. Considering that I had a blot clot at the
base of my brain, it might not turned out that way. Because I have a good
mind, I can understand when people talk to me even though I don't always
have a way to respond. Because I have a good mind, I can use a computer
which means I can read the Bible which means I can learn the promises of
God. Because I have a good mind, I can go to church and learn more about God
and His promises. And so on and so.

One other benefit of a good mind is that I can make decisions. And, because
I read the Bible so much, I know how Jesus wants us to react in upsetting or
trying situations. My problem, though, is that my feelings usually have
their say
before I decide to respond the way Jesus wants me too.

I have hope, both for healing in this life and a future in Heaven. Everybody
needs hope or life is not worth living. I recall the time after I ended up
in this condition but before I became a Christian. What a sad, depressing,
hopeless time. Nothing to look forward to but more endless days of
suffering. But now, thanks to God, I have hope and that hope is helping to
keep me going. There are a lot of hopeless people out there who need to hear
about Jesus. Even ones who think they are doing ok.

I have endurance. I am not sure, though, that I have had much choice about
this one. Either I endure or I give up. Giving up is no option for me. I
would still not be able to walk or talk plus my hope would be gone. I
wouldn't even have Jesus to talk to. So I endure and endure and endure...

I have the ability to write. It is a God-given ability that is for sure. I
am a far cry from an author but I can write well enough to write these blogs
with relative ease. My hope is that they are of some benefit to other people
but I am starting to understand that they are benefitting me just as much or
more. I have long struggled with feelings of uselessness because I haven't
been able to do anything for anybody else. But these blogs have made me feel
that I am useful for something. The blogs have also been a real stretch for
me as I have exposed more of myself than I liked. But I know that it
probably a good thing to allow other people to have a glimpse of what my
life is really like.

I could probably think of other things I have if I really tried. Still,
though, I have to be careful that I don't get envious of what other people
have and can do so easily.