Right Where He Wants Me

      Right Where He Wants Me-From time to time, it has crossed my mind that
God has me right where He wants me by keeping me shut away and unable to
move in Long-term Care. It is not a whole lot fun but I suspect that He has
His reasons.

First of all, I believe that God has me in Long-term Care as a hedge of
protection for me. It protects me from many of the pitfalls, trials and
temptations that Christians out in the world face on a day-to-day basis.
Things like money problems, marriage problems, kid problems, greed problems,
addiction problems, etc. For the most part, my only problems are boredom,
frustration and loneliness.

The fact that I can't speak, while extremely frustrating, keeps me from
blurting out words that I know I would regret. Unfortunately, I have the
kind of temper that flares up quickly. It usually dissipates just as quickly
but not until some damage has been done by my cutting words. However, now
that I can't speak, when I do have a tiff with somebody, because I have to
wait for the other person to pick up the speech board, I have time to cool
down and say something less offensive. In fact, I often hear the Holy Spirit
say to me, "Don't say that". I do often do change what I was going to say
but not always. Sometimes I just say it anyway. This seems to be especially
true when I am joking and start to say something that I shouldn't be saying.

Life in Long-term Care is boring, tedious, mundane, etc. but one thing it is
not is stressful. In this world where everybody seems to be rushing around
like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off, stress seems to be a
pretty common ailment. Not so for me. What is so stressful about the same
thing over and over day after day, month after month, year after year?
Monotonous, yes, but hardly stressful. Besides, I start each day reading the
Bible and that is the best stress-buster there is!

But, most of all, being unable to walk, unable to talk and living in Long-term Care
has enabled me to develop an intimate relationship with God. Because I can't
move, if God wants to talk to me, I have no choice but to stay put and
listen. I can't be busy rushing around like so many other people. Because I
can't speak, a lot of the time communication with other people is difficult,
if not downright impossible. However, over the years, I have learned to talk
to God in my thoughts. We often have a running conversation, no matter where
I am. At church, when I am out somewhere else and, especially, in Long-term
Care. Life in Long-term Care is a far cry from the hectic pace out there so
there is plenty of time  and plenty of quiet to read the Bible, pray,
worship and just enjoy the presence of God. The opportunity is always there
but I don't always avail myself of that opportunity.

So my conclusion is this. I don't like my present life much. Yet I am
starting to understand that God has a purpose for having me in my present
situation. God knows what is best for us. Even if we don't like it. So I can
only conclude that, from God's perspective, this is the best situation for
me RIGHT NOW. 

Home

Home-One afternoon, while I was resting in bed, I was idly wondering what I
would write for my next blog. The word that popped into my mind was "Home".
My response to the Holy Spirit was that He was going to let me know what to
write about. The thought came to me to write about all the homes that I have
lived in. I have no idea why but here goes.

The first home that I lived in was an old farm house. That was my home until
I was 11. The main features of this home were no electricity or indoor
plumbing. Which, obviously, meant few, if any, of the amenities that we now
take for granted. Instead of flipping on a light switch, if we wanted light
it meant lighting kerosene lamps. Mom did all her baking on a wood stove,
not at all like today. At first, we didn't even have a refrigerator.
Eventually, though, we got a propane one. Of course, there was no tv, though
we did have a battery-powered radio. As much as I can remember, though, a
lot of my time was spent outside. For sleeping, I shared a double bed with
the sister who is 2 years older than me. Another sister shared the same
room, though she had her own bed. I do remember the mice. Being as it was an
old house and it was in the country, mice in the house was a constant
problem. Now, the thought kind of grosses me out but, when I was a kid, they
didn't bother me.

When I was 11, we moved to Medicine Hat and into a rambling old house. I
still remember what a treat it was to have electricity and an indoor toilet
that flushed. One big excitement for us kids was getting a tv, even though
it was black and white. And we could put lights on our Christmas tree!
Again, I shared the double bed with my sister but, this time, my other
sister had her own room upstairs. Once she left home, I absconded it! That
old house had so many interesting nooks and crannies. When I was 16, my
father passed away suddenly. I know that my mother kept the big old house
for some years after but, eventually, we moved to a much smaller house. By
then, my 3 older sisters had left home and I was away at university much of
the time. After we moved, they tore down that big, old house and put up an
apartment. Which I always thought was rather sad.

Once I came to Cold Lake to teach school, I lived in several places. The
first couple of years, I still considered Medicine Hat my home and just
rented a place in Cold Lake during the school year. Then I got married. The
first year, we just lived in one of the places that I had been renting. The
next year, we bought a basic sort of house where we lived for the following
2 or 3 years. But, then, we decided to build our own house so we sold the
house we had. Trouble is, we needed to live somewhere until the house was
built. Because my husband did a lot of the work himself, it took some time
to build. In the meantime, we lived in a couple of places. First, we lived a
house that we rented from friends until they sold it. After that, we moved
into a fourplex until we were able to move into the house we built. That is
where we were living at the time of the stroke.

The first couple of years after the stroke, I seem to have bounced around
from hospital to hospital. First, I was in the Royal Alexandra Hospital in
Edmonton from July until November, then they sent me back to Cold Lake until
the following April, then to the Glenrose Hospital in Edmonton where I got
pneumonia So I went back to the Royal Alexandra. Finally, they sent me back
to Cold Lake for good. After a stint in the main part of the hospital, I was
placed in Long-term Care where I have been ever since. People often refer to
Long-term Care as my home but I have never thought of it that way. I prefer
to think of it as my "temporary abode".

However, for a born-again Christian, no matter where we live on this earth,
they are all just temporary abodes. Our true home is in heaven with the
Lord. The Bible gives glimpses of what heaven is like and there are plenty
of books written by people who have died and gone to heaven and what they
saw. I have even had my own little heaven experience but none of us will
really know what it is like until we are there for good. What a day that
will be! 

What I Have

What I Have-One thing that I do, at times, struggle with is the fact that,
apparently, I have so little compared with other people. At times like that,
I have to, on purpose, make myself think of all the things that I do have.
And, when I do, I can usually come up with more than I would think.

I have time, oh man do I have time! Even though, most days, it is a real
challenge to think up ways to pass the long hours, I am also grateful for
all the time I have to spend with nobody but God. The nurses are busy and
seldom interrupt me once I am up and using my computer. So I can spend as
much time as I want reading the Bible and different devotionals. When I am
in bed and can't use my computer, I can always talk with God. I wish I could
say that our conversations are wonderful, spiritual encounters but,
especially lately because I am feeling so tired and worn out, too often our
conversations have deteriorated into me whining about how hard it is or much
longer and He just listens patiently until I settle down.

l have, thankfully, a good mind. Considering that I had a blot clot at the
base of my brain, it might not turned out that way. Because I have a good
mind, I can understand when people talk to me even though I don't always
have a way to respond. Because I have a good mind, I can use a computer
which means I can read the Bible which means I can learn the promises of
God. Because I have a good mind, I can go to church and learn more about God
and His promises. And so on and so.

One other benefit of a good mind is that I can make decisions. And, because
I read the Bible so much, I know how Jesus wants us to react in upsetting or
trying situations. My problem, though, is that my feelings usually have
their say
before I decide to respond the way Jesus wants me too.

I have hope, both for healing in this life and a future in Heaven. Everybody
needs hope or life is not worth living. I recall the time after I ended up
in this condition but before I became a Christian. What a sad, depressing,
hopeless time. Nothing to look forward to but more endless days of
suffering. But now, thanks to God, I have hope and that hope is helping to
keep me going. There are a lot of hopeless people out there who need to hear
about Jesus. Even ones who think they are doing ok.

I have endurance. I am not sure, though, that I have had much choice about
this one. Either I endure or I give up. Giving up is no option for me. I
would still not be able to walk or talk plus my hope would be gone. I
wouldn't even have Jesus to talk to. So I endure and endure and endure...

I have the ability to write. It is a God-given ability that is for sure. I
am a far cry from an author but I can write well enough to write these blogs
with relative ease. My hope is that they are of some benefit to other people
but I am starting to understand that they are benefitting me just as much or
more. I have long struggled with feelings of uselessness because I haven't
been able to do anything for anybody else. But these blogs have made me feel
that I am useful for something. The blogs have also been a real stretch for
me as I have exposed more of myself than I liked. But I know that it
probably a good thing to allow other people to have a glimpse of what my
life is really like.

I could probably think of other things I have if I really tried. Still,
though, I have to be careful that I don't get envious of what other people
have and can do so easily. 

The Purpose Of My Blog

      -To be honest, I started writing this blog
simply to obey God. I was not at all keen on it but I am afraid not to obey
God even if it means doing something that I don't really want to do. I have been
writing once a week for over a year now and, in addition to being a test for
my obedience, I am coming to understand that God has other purposes for
these blogs.

One, I would think, would be that they are a means for people to get to know
a bit about me, both before and after the stroke. Because of the difficulty
in communication, it is not easy for others to get to know me. And the blogs
fill in the gap. Admittedly, I have written things about myself that I
haven't wanted to as I felt that I would be exposing too much of myself. But I 
forced myself to do it anyway. If I feel that God wants me to say something,
I better say it-no matter how it makes me feel.

Hopefully, the blog helps people to understand a bit more about what my
day-to-day life is like. That it is not a whole lot of fun. In fact, every
single day is long, tedious, uncomfortable, frustrating,etc. Being a
Christian certainly is helping  me to endure but it does not take away the
the discomfort or all the other yucky stuff. The blogs , hopefully, also
shed a bit of
light on what life is like for seniors in a facility like this. It was an
eye-opener for me.

I like to think that these blogs are a source of encouragement to people.
Because everything I write is inspired by the Holy Spirit, any encouragement
that people might get from my blogs is really encouragement from the Holy
Spirit. The blogs encourage me too. To keep on keeping on, no matter how bad
it gets. You know what else is a big encouragement to me? Getting positive
feedback about my blogs.

I know God is using these blogs to speak to me personally. Many times, I
will write something and then think, "Oh, my goodness. That is an owie".
It is a good way for God to correct or encourage me. While I am sure God is
using the blogs to speak to and encourage other people, I know very well
that some of the content is aimed right back at me.

Maybe the most important aspect of these blogs are they are a way to tell
people about Jesus. I always wondered how I could tell people about Jesus
when I can't talk. At other times, I have wondered if I was using my not
speaking as an excuse not to tell others about Jesus. I really was
at a loss how it could be done when most people have no idea how to use my
speech board. Even the nurses, who are able to use the speech board, are not being
paid to take time to listen to me "preach". Writing about Jesus in my blog
is a lot easier way to tell people about Jesus and they can read it at their
own leisure. However, I do have to be careful to say what the Holy Spirit
wants said and not to start spouting off my own ideas.

Even though I initially started (reluctantly) writing these blogs to obey
God, now that I have been writing them for some time, I am starting to
understand that God does have a purpose for these blogs. And it is more than
just obedience on my part. 

Honor

-I admit that this a last minute thing so I didn't really think it out.
I had my music on and one of the songs mentioned the word "honor" which
became my inspiration for this blog. If we honor someone, we show respect or
high esteem for them.

Of course, the first one we honor is God. His honor must come before that of
people. We honor God by giving Him praise and worship DAILY. I also think we
honor God by obeying Him without a lot of questions. Afterall, He knows what
is best for us even when we don't understand and/or like it. I kind of got
put in my place on this one. The Holy Spirit told me something. My response,
"I don't understand, Lord" His response to my response, "I didn't call you
to understand. I called you to obey ". Another way that we honor God is by
living out our day-to-day lives with integrity. For those of us that carry
the
label Christian, other people expect to see integrity in our lives. They are
watching and are sure to pick up on any slipup.

We also need to give honor to those in authority over us. We all have the
authority of government over us. It is so easy to start grumbling and
complaining about what they do or don't do. As if we could do any better!
But that is not showing them honor. If we don't agree, at least we can keep
it to ourselves. In a church, the authority figure is the pastor. One way
that we can show him or her honor is by cheerfully doing what is asked of
us.  In the workplace, most people have bosses. But do the employees honor
the boss by doing the required task promptly and without complaining or
dishonor the boss by doing it reluctantly and, then, grumbling about the
boss to other employees? Complaining about the boss seems to be a widespread
disease. I am sure that, in the past I have done it but that doesn't make it
right. Kids are to honor their parents. Unfortunately, in our modern North
American society that doesn't seem as prevalent as in other times and in
other cultures.

Then we need to show honor to each other. If we honored each other more,
there would be less gossip, backbiting, slander, shady business deals, etc.
How do we honor each other? One way is by looking for and affirming good
things we see in others. Just thinking it won't make them feel honored. And,
sometimes, we have to look for good things in others because positive
attributes won't always jump out at us. For Christians, we honor other
people by seeing then the way God does. Easy to say, not so easy to do. If
we just honored and treated each other the way we would like to be honored
and treated, this would a much better world.

Finally, we need to honor ourselves. By this, I don't mean getting all
puffed up and full ourselves. But I do mean that we need to see ourselves as
God sees us. God always sees the best in us but we tend to focus on worst. I
have a problem with this so I am speaking to me too. Because I can't do
anything, it is easy to start thinking that I am useless, in the way, blah,
blah, blah. But that is not honoring to myself. Or to God, either.

To sum up, then, let's make more of an effort to show forth honor. To God,
to those in authority, to each other and to ourselves.