Frustration

    -When I got the idea to write about frustration, my first
thought was that I have written about it already. But, oh well. Either I
will just repeat myself or I may come up with some different things to say
about frustration.

Lots of things frustrate me but, upon thinking on it, I came up with three
major sources of frustration for me. The first would the inability to
communicate properly. As God pointed out to me awhile ago, that speech board
of mine really is a blessing as it allows me to tell a nurse when I need
something. But it is really, really frustrating for me to try to hold a
conversation with it. Some people struggle just to spell out the words. I
will repeat what I the word I am trying to spell out a few times but,
eventually, frustration takes over and I spell out, "never mind ". Very
frustrating for me is when I am trying to talk to somebody and other people,
trying to be helpful, keep interrupting and guessing what I am going to say.
I know that they are trying to make it faster for me but, unless they are
correct, it takes even longer. Another reason that it frustrates me to have
other people chime in is that it breaks my concentration. It takes a lot of
concentration to spell out each word letter-by-letter. Equally frustrating
are people who, when I am talking to them, will never let me finish but,
more or less, put words in my mouth. To be honest, unless it is important
that they get it right, it is often less frustrating for me just to let them
think whatever. It pretty frustrating to never be able to take part in
conversations going on around me. I have gotten so frustrated with this
speech board that, unless I need something, I mostly just use it with people
who use it well. Not because of the people who struggle with the board but
because I don't trust myself.

I could go on and on about the frustration of not being able to speak but
let's turn to my second source of frustration. That is my computer. I love
my computer and am lost without it but it can also be a real source of
frustration. Of course, I have the same frustrations as everybody when the
computer seems to have a mind of its own and doesn't do what I want it to
do. But, I have other frustrations as well. One is power failures. My
computer turns itself off and doesn't come back on when the power does. I
can turn my computer off on my own but I can't turn it on. So I have to
holler until somebody hears and turns it back on for me. Another frustration
for me is how long it takes me to do anything. I am ok with puttering along
at my own
speed until someone uses my computer and I see how quickly they zip around.
I think the most frustrating thing for me might be how long it takes me to
move the cursor around.

When I really think about it, though, most of the frustrations I feel arise
from the fact that, aside from thinking, there is nothing I can do on my
own. I can't scratch when I get an itch. I can't shoo mosquitoes or flies
when they are buzzing around my head. If my music starts to skip or stick, I
can't turn it off. If I get sore, I can't change position to alleviate the
soreness. When I want to get something done, no matter how trivial, I always
have to wait until someone can do it for me. You get the picture. I am one
big ball of frustration right now.

I have been going through a lot for a long time and I admit that my
frustration point is pretty low by now. Years ago, somebody said to me that
it is a sin to be frustrated. Perhaps it is. All I know is I feel
frustrated. So how do I cope with all this frustration? On my own I can't. I
feel frustrated and get angry or cry or, usually,both until it dawns me that
a hissy fit won't change anything. It just gives me a snotty nose which I
can't wipe! So I calm down and I keep on keeping on. But, like the
scriptures say, God gives me strength. Strength to cast off the fits of
frustration and to carry on.