If I Could Talk...

     Years ago, I used to think that I would start to speak before anything else on me is healed. Whether or not it happens like that remains to be seen but, every so often, I speculate on what life would be like for me if I were in the same condition except I could speak. Just being able to speak would make life so much easier for me.

The main thing is, of course, that I would be able to actually have conversations with people. I am thankful for my speech board but it is not conducive for a lengthy conversation. A few people are proficient enough with it to have a decent conversation with me but that is not the norm. In fact, I suspect that some people avoid conversations with me because of my speech board. But that is kind of ok because, these days, I get frustrated with the speech board so fast that I sometimes avoid using it myself.

When I am using my computer in the morning, one thing I like to do is try reading out loud a few Psalms and confessions, both for healing and who I am in Christ. At the present, all that comes out are some unintelligible noises. I know God understands but it would sure be easier for me if I could speak. In the same way, when I am lying in bed in the afternoon, I like to "sing" along to my music. It is hard, though, with no intelligible voice.

Speaking of singing, I think that it would so great to sing freely at church. I know that my pathetic attempts mean as much to God as all the good voices on stage but still...

I know that my day-to-day interaction with the nurses would be a lot better if I could speak. They are always busy so there are few times we get to converse. Some of them are good enough at using my speech board that we can have a nice chitchat while they are feeding me. Others, though, really struggle with the speech board. So mealtimes are pretty silent. The nurse points to items and I nod when I want something. Or I look at what I want and only use the speech board when necessary. I wish, though, that I could converse freely with them all.

When I am on my computer, and alone, sometimes I need a nurse, either for my computer or something else. At present, all I can do is yell until somebody hears and comes to my assistance. Even if I could talk, I don't know if anybody would hear me calling any faster but, at least, it might not tire me out so much.

Probably the time I most wish I could talk is when there a new nurses. If they are unsure of my routine, I could easily help them. However, as it is, if they are uncertain what to do, I have to use the speech board to tell them the next step. Not only is it extremely frustrating for everybody, it takes way too much time.

One other time that talking would be really nice is when I have skype visits. Especially with my daughter and grandson. Right now, all I can do is sit and watch and listen while others converse. And, of course, dream about the day I will be able to talk to my family.