Bending But Not Breaking

      -Sounds like a country song, doesn't it? That pretty much sums up my life right now. I haven't broken in all these years and I am NOT going to now. God has a plan for my life but it can't be fulfilled if I cave in, can it? God won't let me break-provided I don't turn away from Him. However, bending is quite another story.Recently,  I seem to be bending far too often.

One area I seem to be bending in is that of physical health. The last while, it seems to be one thing after another. Even though Long Term Care is not as clinical as the rest of the hospital, it is still part of the hospital with nurses who have been trained to recognize symptoms of illness. In turn, the nurses often report them to my doctor. As a result, I have been seeing more of him lately than I like.  In and of themselves, none of these constant ailments are serious but, in addition to the discomfort that I am always in, they are definitely adding to my misery. Because the focus lately so often has been on what is wrong with me, I have been thinking that I have to get out of this atmosphere of sickness. That is one reason why church is so important to me. It gets me out of the "sick" atmosphere here and into an atmosphere where the focus is on God, not what is wrong with me.

Another area that seems to be bending is in the mental and emotional aspect of this situation. I am feeling totally exhausted. I suspect that it is mostly mental fatigue from the same thing day after day, month after month, year after year. Emotionally I am mess. The least little thing makes me burst into tears. Or to get angry and frustrated. To avoid emotional outbursts, I often withdraw inside myself. Although that is not a good thing, either. My emotions have always been pretty up and down but nothing like they are now. My biggest concern is what effect my "out-of-control" emotions are having on all the nurses who are not Christians. When my emotions run high, I don't act very Christianlike, too often of late. But this thought just came to me. When God chooses to have them become Christians, nothing I have done will stop them.

So, yes, I am in bending mode right now. The good thing about bending, though,is that we go back into place. Like a tree blowing in the wind. As soon the wind stops, the tree returns to normal
Right now, I am like a tree blowing in the wind but it won't last.