Disappointments

Disappointments-During this seemingly endless journey that I am on, I have
met with plenty of disappointments along the way. Not that disappointments
are unique to my situation. In this life, most, if not all, of us are going
have to face disappointments of one kind or another.

My initial disappointment after my salvation was not being healed right
away. At the time of my dramatic salvation, I was totally convinced that I
would be restored to perfect health. However, being a brand new Christian,
I believed that it would happen any day. Perhaps any minute. But as time went
on and nothing changed, I was disappointed. It didn't deter me, though.
After so many years my hope in supernatural healing is just as strong. It
may have wavered a tiny bit with the cancer diagnosis but not for long. If
anything, the cancer has made me cling even more to God and His promises.

Over the years, disappointments have come and gone, most of which I have
forgotten. But there is one disappointment that stands out in my mind. It
was perhaps in the early 1990s. Our church had a missions trip to Mexico
planned. I really thought the Lord told me that I would be going. So I
bought a lot of things and got ready to go. I was so disappointed when my
healing didn't materialize. Now I understand that I hadn't been hearing from
God at all. Since then, my faith, though just as strong, seems to have lost
some of its childlike, "believe anything" quality.

I can think of three ways that I have been disappointed. In God, in other
people and in myself. I admit that I have been disappointed in God. Not so
much lately but earlier in my Christian walk. I had this preconceived idea
that He would manifest my healing in the way I wanted at the time I wanted.
And, when it didn't happen , I was so disappointed. Now, though, I
understand that God doesn't work in the same way as humans do. He always
keeps His promises but it probably won't be in the time we want or ways that
we expect. It has finally gotten through to me that God is calling the shots
and my part is simply to believe that this will all turn out in a way that
is best for me. Plus, of course, to continue to read the Bible , pray and never,
ever give up!

I confess that I have been disappointed in other people. When I first came
to my church, I assumed that people would be practically falling over
themselves wanting to spend time with me and get to know me. When it didn't
happen, I was hurt and disappointed. However, as the years have passed by I
have come to understand some things that helped to dissipate the
disappointment . First of all, I have often thought about what I would do if
somebody else were in my situation and I was in good health. In all
honesty.I doubt that I would be spending much time with that person
Secondly, I have come to understand that people have jobs and other
commitments that prevent people from spending time with me. Mostly, though,
I have come to understand that I need to spend time alone with God. No
matter how spiritual a person is., conversation with that person can never
replace fellowship with God. Instead of being disappointed because more
people don't spend time with me, I am trying to be thankful for those that
do.

As much as anything, I have been disappointed in myself. At times I still
am. When I was first saved, like all new Christians, I was bubbly and full of
joy. I didn't know much but I sure was happy. But, as the years rolled by
with no apparent change in my circumstances, I lost a lot of my outer joy. I
have become tired, irritable, impatient and, at times, angry. Not at all the
way a Christian should be acting. And, when I don't act the way I think, as
a Christian, I should act, I get disappointed with myself.

As I was thinking about disappointments in my life, I realized that I often
sat myself up for disappointments simply because of unrealistic
expectations. When I first became a born-again Christian, I thought of God
as kind of a sugar daddy in the sky who would give me what I want when I
want it. Of course, that unrealistic expectation lead to disappointment. And
I have had totally unrealistic expectations of other Christians. I have
expected them to meet needs of mine that only God can meet. But I have also
probablyhave had unrealistic expectations of myself. I expect myself to always be
happy and upbeat. But, considering that I have been unable to walk or talk
and in a hospital for 34 years plus, now, I am trying to stand against
cancer, perhaps that is an unrealistic expectation.

No matter how the disappointment comes, I think it is important that we
don't dwell on it. Rather, shrug it off and just keep on keeping on!