I Can Only Imagine-The title of another song. Imagining is a big part of my
life right now. I have so much time to do nothing but think that it is easy
to slip into imagining. I don't necessarily think imagining is a bad thing
but, like with any of my other thoughts, I have to make sure that my
imaginings remain focused on the right things.
The song is about going to Heaven and seeing Jesus in person. The singer can
only imagine what that will be like. I too imagine what Heaven will like,
though not too frequently. The Bible does give tidbits about what Heaven will be
like but not enough that anybody really knows what to expect. And I have
heard enough stories about people who have died, gone to Heaven, and then come
back to life. What I find, though, that most of them differ enough that I
really don't know who is right. What also is possible is that they were each
shown a different aspect of Heaven. I have had my own little "Heaven
experience" but that was not enough to form an opinion about what Heaven is
really like. I figure the best thing is to just wait and see when the time
comes.
By far, most of imaginings have centered around my healing. I don't think
that imagining about healing from God is a bad thing as it keeps my thoughts
focused on that promise. When I imagine about my healing, I take into
consideration several questions.
The first question is "when". I was still in my 30s when I got saved and received the promise of healing so I had no trouble
imagining myself healed before the age of 40. Afterall, when one is 35, even
40 sounds kind of old! However, now that I am in my 60s, I am not so
confident that my healing will show up even before I turn 70. The one thing
I do know is that, no matter the date, my healing will arrive in the "now".
Whether now is tomorrow or tens years from today.
The second question in my imaginings is "where". When I was first saved, I
didn't go to church but I still believed that my healing could happen at
any moment. So, my imaginings must have been about my healing taking place
in a hospital. Once I started to attend church, it was easy to imagine my
healing taking place at church. I still, though, imagine my healing taking
place in different places. Maybe here at the hospital, either in my room or
the dining room, or maybe one of the other places I go. Friends' house, out
to eat, etc.
Then, I imagine who will be involved in my healing. Quite often, I imagine there is no one else around when my healing takes place. I sometimes imagine coming out of my room pushing my wheelchair. Or a nurse coming into my room to find me healed. Other times, I imagine my pastor or some other Christian laying hands on me and bringing about my healing. When I go to other places, I often imagine my healing just taking place, witnessed by a lot of other people. Not often, but once in awhile I imagine a new medical procedure. Of course, that would involve medical persons.
The biggest question for me, though, is how my healing takes place. The most logical method would be for a Christian, either at church or elsewhere, to lay hands on me and I would be healed. But I also know that Gone doesn't limit Himself to one method of healing. At times, He uses doctors. So I simply don't know. But, any way is fine with me. It will be wonderful.
However, being diagnosed with cancer has sent my imaginings in a different direction. I sometimes imagine that, out of the blue, the doctor orders another scan and this time there is no cancer. Or maybe I imagine my total healing, including of the cancer. However, because cancer is such a deadly disease, I have to be careful not to slip in negative imaginings. Things like being on my death bed or, maybe, my funeral.
My conclusion is this. Imaginings can be a boost to my faith IF I focus them on what God has promised. But they can also be detrimental to my faith if I allow myself to dwell on things that God has not promised.
Me
At the beloved/hated writing vessel
Tuesday, 28 March 2017
Tuesday, 21 March 2017
This Is What You Do
This Is What You Do-This, actually, is the title of a song. And, obviously,
"You" is Jesus.
You save. The number one thing that You do. Because You died on the cross so
long ago, the way has been opened for anybody, myself included, to go to
Heaven after we die. I know I am sure glad that I will be living FOREVER
with You and not in the other place. The one condition You have is that we
believe in You and become born-again (repent of our sins and ask You to come
into our heart). In this blog, I will mention other things that You do for
us but, if all You did is save us from hell, it would be enough. No matter
bad our circumstances in this life may be, the length of life on earth is
pretty miniscule compared to living in Heaven forever and ever.
You heal. You are the Great Physician. In the Bible, You healed lots of
people. The Bible also says that You, Jesus, are the same yesterday, today
and forever. So, if You healed in the Bible, You still heal today. Only now
through the Holy Spirit rather than in person. As somebody who has been has
been waiting for my major healing for a long time, though I have had minor
healings, I have come to understand that Your timing and method probably
won't be what we want.
You love. Nobody, including me, is able to comprehend Your great love.
However, I am thankful that Your mighty love doesn't change. 'Cause there
are days that, by human standards, I am anything but loveable! Thankfully, You
love by who you are and not by we do or don't do. And Your love is everlasting. All human love will eventually end. At death, if not before. But Your love just goes on and on and on. Aside from salvation, perhaps Your greatest gift to us is Your incredible love.
You protect. I have heard numerous stories about how people have avoided an accident by listening to the Holy Spirit when He tells them to go another way, take another plane or whatever. For myself, personally , I believe that You are protecting me by having me in Long-term Care. It is not very exciting but it does shelter me from many of the pitfalls that people "out there" face.
You comfort. I am sure the there are many Christians who look to You for comfort that only You can give. People mean well but, unless they have been through exactly the same situation, how can they know the right words to say to bring comfort? I don't know of anybody who is in the same situation that I am. When I need comfort, quite frequently, I have come to understand that, much as they may want to say something to comfort me, they can't. Simply because other people have never been through what I am going through. I look to You for comfort when I need it. Usually in the Bible. That is how You talk to me (us).
You lead. I am in a situation where I don't have a lot of major decisions to make. Most have them have been made for me. However, I know that plenty of people depend on You for decisions like where to live, what job to do, who to marry or what church to go. I am still lead by You, though. Only, for me, it is more like who to give money to or how much to give. Or, maybe You lead me to pray for somebody . Stuff like that.
I only mentioned a few things that You do. All I can say is "Thank You, Jesus!".
"You" is Jesus.
You save. The number one thing that You do. Because You died on the cross so
long ago, the way has been opened for anybody, myself included, to go to
Heaven after we die. I know I am sure glad that I will be living FOREVER
with You and not in the other place. The one condition You have is that we
believe in You and become born-again (repent of our sins and ask You to come
into our heart). In this blog, I will mention other things that You do for
us but, if all You did is save us from hell, it would be enough. No matter
bad our circumstances in this life may be, the length of life on earth is
pretty miniscule compared to living in Heaven forever and ever.
You heal. You are the Great Physician. In the Bible, You healed lots of
people. The Bible also says that You, Jesus, are the same yesterday, today
and forever. So, if You healed in the Bible, You still heal today. Only now
through the Holy Spirit rather than in person. As somebody who has been has
been waiting for my major healing for a long time, though I have had minor
healings, I have come to understand that Your timing and method probably
won't be what we want.
You love. Nobody, including me, is able to comprehend Your great love.
However, I am thankful that Your mighty love doesn't change. 'Cause there
are days that, by human standards, I am anything but loveable! Thankfully, You
love by who you are and not by we do or don't do. And Your love is everlasting. All human love will eventually end. At death, if not before. But Your love just goes on and on and on. Aside from salvation, perhaps Your greatest gift to us is Your incredible love.
You protect. I have heard numerous stories about how people have avoided an accident by listening to the Holy Spirit when He tells them to go another way, take another plane or whatever. For myself, personally , I believe that You are protecting me by having me in Long-term Care. It is not very exciting but it does shelter me from many of the pitfalls that people "out there" face.
You comfort. I am sure the there are many Christians who look to You for comfort that only You can give. People mean well but, unless they have been through exactly the same situation, how can they know the right words to say to bring comfort? I don't know of anybody who is in the same situation that I am. When I need comfort, quite frequently, I have come to understand that, much as they may want to say something to comfort me, they can't. Simply because other people have never been through what I am going through. I look to You for comfort when I need it. Usually in the Bible. That is how You talk to me (us).
You lead. I am in a situation where I don't have a lot of major decisions to make. Most have them have been made for me. However, I know that plenty of people depend on You for decisions like where to live, what job to do, who to marry or what church to go. I am still lead by You, though. Only, for me, it is more like who to give money to or how much to give. Or, maybe You lead me to pray for somebody . Stuff like that.
I only mentioned a few things that You do. All I can say is "Thank You, Jesus!".
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
The Holy Spirit and Me
The Holy Spirit And Me-I had been thinking about writing about the Holy
Spirit when it was "suggested" to me that I write about the emotional
turmoil that I am in right now. In the meantime, we had a sermon about the
Holy Spirit at church about the Holy Spirit. I find that happens quite
often. I hear at church the same thing that I either plan to write on or
have just written about. Anyway, I thought I would share some ways that the
Holy Spirit is helping me through this ordeal.
The Bible speaks of the Holy Spirit as the Helper. Being as there is very
little that I can do on my own and being that, many times, there is no
person around to help me, I have learned to depend on the Holy Spirit for a
lot. The one area I especially use the Holy Spirit a lot. That is to remind
me of things. I can't put in in my phone and expect the phone to remind me!
When I have something that I want to remember, I simply ask the Holy Spirit
to remind me and He always does. There are times that I need a nurse but,
because l can't use a call bell, I have no way to get hold of one. Usually,
I just holler until one of them hears me. There have been times, though,
that I have asked the Holy Spirit to send somebody and He has. There are
more ways that I depend on the Holy Spirit for help but I just mention one
more. These blogs. First of all, I depend on the Holy Spirit to give me a
topic to write about and He does. Though it may not be what I would have
chosen for myself. Then, I really depend on Him for the words to say.
Sometimes, in my mind, I do have an outline of points I want to make but I
depend on the Holy Spirit to fill in that outline. Other times, I may just
have a title. I start writing and the Holy Spirit supplies the words,
However, the Amplifed version of the Bible uses a few other words to
describe the Holy Spirit. I think that I will mention each one and how they
relate to me. The first word is Comforter. I will be honest, there are times
that I feel like, most of all, I just need somebody to comfort me. At those
times, I am so tempted to e-mail somebody and see if that person has any
comfort for me. I don't, though, for two reasons. First, most times, I don't
have the energy to write an e-mail and, more importantly, how can I expect
people who have never been through what I am going through to give me the
comfort that I long for? Only the Holy Spirit can do that. There are plenty
of times, when I am crying and upset, that I feel the presence of the Holy
Spirit very strongly.
Another word used is Advocate. An advocate is somebody who pleads or speaks
for somebody else. I know that God knows my situation and has it all under
control but it still blesses me me to think that the Holy Spirit is
advocating, or putting in a good word for me.
Somewhat related . The Holy Spirit is also called the Intercessor. An intercessor also pleads for somebody. Only the word intercessor implies an element of prayer. I have read that Jesus prays for us but I never thought that the Holy Spirit was praying for me as well. Wow! Can't beat that! Human prayer is great but They know exactly what to pray.
The Holy Spirit is the Counselor. He gives advice, guides and directs. I may not have the major decisions that other people do, like where to live or who to marry, but I still need His advice and direction. For example. I did not want to write these blogs but I asked the Holy Spirit and He "advised" me to do. Now I depend on His guidance for a topic and what to write about that topic.
The Holy Spirit is the Strengthener. If there is anything I need right now it strength. Strength just to get through each day. But I know that, in myself, I don't have the strength it takes. The Holy Spirit does, though. I don't know how but, somehow He has gotten me through all these years and will continue to be my Strengthener until the end.
The key to all this, though, is He is our Standby. He is always on alert, waiting for us to ask for His help. But, if we don't, He will let us muddle along on our own. Until we get ourselves in such a mess that we cry out to Him for help. Then He is right there.
As I was writing this, I realized something. Yes, I do access the Holy Spirit more than some people. Simply because, on my own. I can't do things most people take for granted. However, I realized I could, and should, be asking for help from the Holy Spirit a LOT more often.
Spirit when it was "suggested" to me that I write about the emotional
turmoil that I am in right now. In the meantime, we had a sermon about the
Holy Spirit at church about the Holy Spirit. I find that happens quite
often. I hear at church the same thing that I either plan to write on or
have just written about. Anyway, I thought I would share some ways that the
Holy Spirit is helping me through this ordeal.
The Bible speaks of the Holy Spirit as the Helper. Being as there is very
little that I can do on my own and being that, many times, there is no
person around to help me, I have learned to depend on the Holy Spirit for a
lot. The one area I especially use the Holy Spirit a lot. That is to remind
me of things. I can't put in in my phone and expect the phone to remind me!
When I have something that I want to remember, I simply ask the Holy Spirit
to remind me and He always does. There are times that I need a nurse but,
because l can't use a call bell, I have no way to get hold of one. Usually,
I just holler until one of them hears me. There have been times, though,
that I have asked the Holy Spirit to send somebody and He has. There are
more ways that I depend on the Holy Spirit for help but I just mention one
more. These blogs. First of all, I depend on the Holy Spirit to give me a
topic to write about and He does. Though it may not be what I would have
chosen for myself. Then, I really depend on Him for the words to say.
Sometimes, in my mind, I do have an outline of points I want to make but I
depend on the Holy Spirit to fill in that outline. Other times, I may just
have a title. I start writing and the Holy Spirit supplies the words,
However, the Amplifed version of the Bible uses a few other words to
describe the Holy Spirit. I think that I will mention each one and how they
relate to me. The first word is Comforter. I will be honest, there are times
that I feel like, most of all, I just need somebody to comfort me. At those
times, I am so tempted to e-mail somebody and see if that person has any
comfort for me. I don't, though, for two reasons. First, most times, I don't
have the energy to write an e-mail and, more importantly, how can I expect
people who have never been through what I am going through to give me the
comfort that I long for? Only the Holy Spirit can do that. There are plenty
of times, when I am crying and upset, that I feel the presence of the Holy
Spirit very strongly.
Another word used is Advocate. An advocate is somebody who pleads or speaks
for somebody else. I know that God knows my situation and has it all under
control but it still blesses me me to think that the Holy Spirit is
advocating, or putting in a good word for me.
Somewhat related . The Holy Spirit is also called the Intercessor. An intercessor also pleads for somebody. Only the word intercessor implies an element of prayer. I have read that Jesus prays for us but I never thought that the Holy Spirit was praying for me as well. Wow! Can't beat that! Human prayer is great but They know exactly what to pray.
The Holy Spirit is the Counselor. He gives advice, guides and directs. I may not have the major decisions that other people do, like where to live or who to marry, but I still need His advice and direction. For example. I did not want to write these blogs but I asked the Holy Spirit and He "advised" me to do. Now I depend on His guidance for a topic and what to write about that topic.
The Holy Spirit is the Strengthener. If there is anything I need right now it strength. Strength just to get through each day. But I know that, in myself, I don't have the strength it takes. The Holy Spirit does, though. I don't know how but, somehow He has gotten me through all these years and will continue to be my Strengthener until the end.
The key to all this, though, is He is our Standby. He is always on alert, waiting for us to ask for His help. But, if we don't, He will let us muddle along on our own. Until we get ourselves in such a mess that we cry out to Him for help. Then He is right there.
As I was writing this, I realized something. Yes, I do access the Holy Spirit more than some people. Simply because, on my own. I can't do things most people take for granted. However, I realized I could, and should, be asking for help from the Holy Spirit a LOT more often.
Wednesday, 8 March 2017
Living With Cancer
Living With Cancer-Or maybe I should say "existing" with cancer. To be
honest, since the stroke, I have never felt like I am really living. Many
times, I have told God that I am tired of this half-life. Be that as it may,
cancer is part of who I am right now.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago. I admit that it bothered me at
first (and still does if I let it) that the doctors couldn't make up their
minds how to treat the cancer until it had spread and any kind of treatment
was not an option. Since then, though, I have come to understand that this
is exactly the way God wanted it and He simply used those doctors to bring
it about. If the cancer had been treated, once the cancer is gone, the
doctors could have claimed that it is because of something they did. This
way, they can't take the credit.
It has been an extremely difficult year for me. Every year since the stroke
has been difficult but now, with the cancer, even more so. Aside from some
symptoms, physically it hasn't been that much worse than before the cancer.
Whether or not the symptoms get worse before they get better remains to be
seen.
However, the cancer has taken a toll on me emotionally. First hearing that I
had the dreaded "c" word was emotionally unsettling. Then finding out that
it couldn't be treated was another curve ball thrown my way. I have to
admit, though, that I received the news pretty calmly. Because I know my
life is in God's hands and, no matter what doctors say, it won't end until
He is ready to take me to Heaven. But what has been really hard on me has
been the constant waiting. Truth is I am not even too sure what I am waiting
for. I just know I am waiting for something and not knowing is driving me
crazy. I don't like the person I have become. Because I am so worn out,
partly from a mind that won't shut down, I am some irritable. Unfortunately,
the nurses usually get the brunt of it, simply because they have to be
around me in my everyday life. So I don't get frustrated with them even more
often, I spend most of the time in my room puttering on my computer. And I
usually don't use my speech board unless necessary. I know how quickly I get
frustrated if the other person can't understand what I am trying to say.
Nobody has come out and said it but I know that, as far as medical science
is concerned, I have been left here to die. I don't believe I will die but, of
course, God has the final say in that. Still , it is a depressing thought. Ever since I had the stroke, I have struggled with spells of depression. Fortunately, I have been able to shrug them off pretty quickly. But now, with the cancer on top of everything else, it is not so easy. Too often lately, I don't even have the energy to not be depressed. Does that make any sense?
I sometimes wonder how unsaved people live with cancer. I am a born-again Christian so I know I will be great. No matter what happens. However, I still have trouble coping. Mostly, I think because cancer is such a long, drawn-out process.
I admit that, when I was given this title, I argued with God. The last thing I wanted to do is write about the cancer AGAIN. But, of course, I lost the argument. Perhaps writing this blog was more for my own benefit. Putting at least some of my muddled thoughts into words has, I think, helped to clarify them for me.
honest, since the stroke, I have never felt like I am really living. Many
times, I have told God that I am tired of this half-life. Be that as it may,
cancer is part of who I am right now.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago. I admit that it bothered me at
first (and still does if I let it) that the doctors couldn't make up their
minds how to treat the cancer until it had spread and any kind of treatment
was not an option. Since then, though, I have come to understand that this
is exactly the way God wanted it and He simply used those doctors to bring
it about. If the cancer had been treated, once the cancer is gone, the
doctors could have claimed that it is because of something they did. This
way, they can't take the credit.
It has been an extremely difficult year for me. Every year since the stroke
has been difficult but now, with the cancer, even more so. Aside from some
symptoms, physically it hasn't been that much worse than before the cancer.
Whether or not the symptoms get worse before they get better remains to be
seen.
However, the cancer has taken a toll on me emotionally. First hearing that I
had the dreaded "c" word was emotionally unsettling. Then finding out that
it couldn't be treated was another curve ball thrown my way. I have to
admit, though, that I received the news pretty calmly. Because I know my
life is in God's hands and, no matter what doctors say, it won't end until
He is ready to take me to Heaven. But what has been really hard on me has
been the constant waiting. Truth is I am not even too sure what I am waiting
for. I just know I am waiting for something and not knowing is driving me
crazy. I don't like the person I have become. Because I am so worn out,
partly from a mind that won't shut down, I am some irritable. Unfortunately,
the nurses usually get the brunt of it, simply because they have to be
around me in my everyday life. So I don't get frustrated with them even more
often, I spend most of the time in my room puttering on my computer. And I
usually don't use my speech board unless necessary. I know how quickly I get
frustrated if the other person can't understand what I am trying to say.
Nobody has come out and said it but I know that, as far as medical science
is concerned, I have been left here to die. I don't believe I will die but, of
course, God has the final say in that. Still , it is a depressing thought. Ever since I had the stroke, I have struggled with spells of depression. Fortunately, I have been able to shrug them off pretty quickly. But now, with the cancer on top of everything else, it is not so easy. Too often lately, I don't even have the energy to not be depressed. Does that make any sense?
I sometimes wonder how unsaved people live with cancer. I am a born-again Christian so I know I will be great. No matter what happens. However, I still have trouble coping. Mostly, I think because cancer is such a long, drawn-out process.
I admit that, when I was given this title, I argued with God. The last thing I wanted to do is write about the cancer AGAIN. But, of course, I lost the argument. Perhaps writing this blog was more for my own benefit. Putting at least some of my muddled thoughts into words has, I think, helped to clarify them for me.
Wednesday, 1 March 2017
Jesus Restores
Jesus Restores-One thing the Bible teaches is that Jesus came to restore.
Using the meaning of restore as "to bring back to the original condition",
there are definitely some things in my life that need to be restored.
First, though, I want to mention one thing that Jesus has already restored.
My relationship with God. Because of Adam and Eve, we all are born separated
from God. However, once we receive Jesus into our heart and become
born-again Christians, the separation is gone. Because I am a born-again
Christian, God is my Father and I am God's child. Along with being His child
come all the attendant privileges.
The most obvious way that Jesus needs to restore my life to its original
condition is in the physical realm. When God first made me, I was designed
to be able to walk, to talk and not have cancer. But, somewhere along the
line, everything went haywire and, at present, I cannot walk, I cannot talk
and they say that I have cancer. No doctor can restore me to my original
condition. Only Jesus can. And will. In His time and way.
I need Jesus to restore my mind. I know that my mind is still pretty sharp
considering all I have been though. Still, I don't feel like it is
quite as good as before . I know that Jesus can, and will, bring my mind
back to its original condition.
I need Jesus to restore my home. Right now, I have no home. Just a room in
Long-term Care. Painted a really blah color. But someday, thanks to Jesus
and His restoring power, I will have my own home and I will be able to do
with it what I want.
I need Jesus to restore relationships. Not my marriage. That is over and done with. But, while I do still have contact with my kids, they were so little when I had the stroke that we never did have much of a relationship. Now that they are adults, that relationship needs to be restored. Or maybe I should say established. Before the stroke, I had lots of friends, both colleagues from teaching and otherwise. They have all fallen by the wayside but it would be nice to have at least some of those relationships restored. One specific relationship that I need Jesus to restore is with my oldest sister. I am in touch with my two other sisters but not her and I don't know how to reconnect.
At present, I need Jesus to restore the joy of my salvation. When I first got saved, I was so full of joy and excitement that I barely noticed all the negative circumstances. But long year after long year with the same, or even worse circumstances, seems to have seriously depleted my supply of joy. I keep telling myself that the joy is there somewhere. Put it this way. That joy used bubble over anytime. Now, though, it is more of an act of my will. If I produce it at all.
I will just mention something my pastor said this past Sunday. He said that Jesus died on the cross to restore our authority. Authority over sickness and authority over financial and other problems. Once we get born-again, we have the same authority that Jesus had. Trouble is, most of us don't use it like He does.
I have lost a lot. And I mean a LOT. But one thing that excites me is speculating on how God is going to restore me to my original condition. Especially my health.
Using the meaning of restore as "to bring back to the original condition",
there are definitely some things in my life that need to be restored.
First, though, I want to mention one thing that Jesus has already restored.
My relationship with God. Because of Adam and Eve, we all are born separated
from God. However, once we receive Jesus into our heart and become
born-again Christians, the separation is gone. Because I am a born-again
Christian, God is my Father and I am God's child. Along with being His child
come all the attendant privileges.
The most obvious way that Jesus needs to restore my life to its original
condition is in the physical realm. When God first made me, I was designed
to be able to walk, to talk and not have cancer. But, somewhere along the
line, everything went haywire and, at present, I cannot walk, I cannot talk
and they say that I have cancer. No doctor can restore me to my original
condition. Only Jesus can. And will. In His time and way.
I need Jesus to restore my mind. I know that my mind is still pretty sharp
considering all I have been though. Still, I don't feel like it is
quite as good as before . I know that Jesus can, and will, bring my mind
back to its original condition.
I need Jesus to restore my home. Right now, I have no home. Just a room in
Long-term Care. Painted a really blah color. But someday, thanks to Jesus
and His restoring power, I will have my own home and I will be able to do
with it what I want.
I need Jesus to restore relationships. Not my marriage. That is over and done with. But, while I do still have contact with my kids, they were so little when I had the stroke that we never did have much of a relationship. Now that they are adults, that relationship needs to be restored. Or maybe I should say established. Before the stroke, I had lots of friends, both colleagues from teaching and otherwise. They have all fallen by the wayside but it would be nice to have at least some of those relationships restored. One specific relationship that I need Jesus to restore is with my oldest sister. I am in touch with my two other sisters but not her and I don't know how to reconnect.
At present, I need Jesus to restore the joy of my salvation. When I first got saved, I was so full of joy and excitement that I barely noticed all the negative circumstances. But long year after long year with the same, or even worse circumstances, seems to have seriously depleted my supply of joy. I keep telling myself that the joy is there somewhere. Put it this way. That joy used bubble over anytime. Now, though, it is more of an act of my will. If I produce it at all.
I will just mention something my pastor said this past Sunday. He said that Jesus died on the cross to restore our authority. Authority over sickness and authority over financial and other problems. Once we get born-again, we have the same authority that Jesus had. Trouble is, most of us don't use it like He does.
I have lost a lot. And I mean a LOT. But one thing that excites me is speculating on how God is going to restore me to my original condition. Especially my health.
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