More Random Thoughts

More Random Thoughts-One day, awhile back, I was considering not writing
anymore blogs as I really felt that I had nothing else to about. But then
the thought came to me that I may, eventually, want to write a book and
these blogs would probably come in handy. Writing a book has never been on
my "to do" list but, I guess, anything is possible. Besides, I can't help
thinking that it is probably better to try, in writing, to describe what I
am feeling right now when I am going through it than to try and remember
those feelings afterward.

I do have feelings, both good and bad. God made us that way. When my
emotions are not in a good place, I sometimes wish that I was a robot so I
didn't have the discomfort and frustration of my daily life. And I would
always obey God without question. On the other hand, there are times that I
am extremely thankful to have emotions. Times when I feel the presence of
God so strongly that, if I could, I would dance, sing or praise God. I have
learned, though, not to go by my feelings, either good or bad. If I let my
negative emotions run wild for too long, I will end up depressed all the
time. Positive emotions are great while they last. Maybe they last for some
people but they don't for me. I face too many negative circumstances daily.
So I have chosen to focus on what the Bible has to say not what my emotions are
saying at that moment. The Bible never changes, no matter if I am in a
"snit" or "flying high"!

One thing that I still struggle with, though not as much as when I was first
diagnosed with cancer, is the thought that it is not fair. Since the stroke,
I have gone through a lot and, I thought, adding cancer on top of everything
was a bit much. The one thing that has always stopped me from "it is not
fair" is the thought of what Jesus went through for a world full of
ungrateful people. Instead, most of the time anyway, I am choosing to view
this cancer as sign of approval from God. He must know that I can handle it,
even if I am not so sure.

Right now.I feel like I am in limbo. I am not 100% sure what will happen to
me. However, I am pretty sure of one thing. Whatever happens, God is going
to get glory out of it.

One Sunday at church, the Holy Spirit pointed out that the cancer has become a distraction from my need for overall healing. He was right, as always. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I spent most of the time reading scriptures and making confessions about the cancer. Since that was pointed out to me, I been trying to keep more of a balance between fighting against the cancer and fighting against everything else that is wrong with me. I still focus on the cancer but not as much. Afterall, how great would it be if the cancer went away but I was left in the same condition that I have been in for years?
My life is extremely difficult, more difficult than I put into words. But, unless my negative emotions are in control, I also consider myself to be extremely blessed. Blessed to have been chosen to go through this. Through, at times, I wish He had chosen somebody else! Even being diagnosed with cancer has been a blessing as it has made me even more reliant on God.

That is enough babbling. I was wondering if anybody has anything specific that they would like me to write about. No guarantees but I could use some ideas. Please continue to pray for me.