-When I get frustrated, which happens
quite often, I often tell God that I can't do anything. Or so it seems at
the moment. When I am calmer, I realize that there are things that I can do
and I need to be grateful for them. I will mention some of them later in
this blog but, first, I want to briefly mention some things that I,
obviously, can't do.
I can't move, except for my head. Even that is not freely because my neck is
so stiff and sore. And, because I can't move, somebody else has to do
everything for me. Wash me, dress me, feed me, etc. And I can't work and
earn my own money (though I would be retired by now) I can't even use my
computer like other people use a computer. I have to operate it with my
head. If I want to write something, I have to bop out each letter with my
head which is extremely time-consuming.
However, the very most frustrating thing for me has to be my inability to
speak. Yes, I have the speech board but it is too slow and tedious to have
much of a conversation with most people. Most times, even though I would
like take part in conversations, it is less frustrating for me to,just sit
and listen.
But one thing I have learned throughout this ordeal is to put my focus on
the positive or I will end up depressed. With this in mind, I have chosen to
list some things that I can do. I can see. For me, that is a big deal as I use my eyes a lot. I communicate with my eyes. Using my speech board is all with my eyes. With the nurses, though, I often just look at something and they know what I want Of course, I need eyes to operate my computer so I can read the Bible and other things, write they like these blogs and e-mails and even to watch tv. Every so often, I wonder what my life would be like is I couldn't see but I reading don't want to think about it.
I can hear. I can hear sermons and music at church. That is important to me. But it is not just at church that I value my hearing. I listen to a lot of music which helps to keep me encouraged. I can hear when people speak to me, whether at church, in Long-term Care and when I get visitors. And, one of my favorites, I can listen to small children, especially my grandchildren.
I have a sound mind. I think a sound mind is more important than a sound body. At least to me it is. Of course, I would like both but just having a sound mind has opened up some things for me. For example, that sound mind enabled me to learn how to use my computer with relative ease. Which in turn has enabled me to read and understand the Bible, correspond with people and write these blogs. That sound mind also has allowed me to do a lot of thinking and meditating. I just have to make sure that I think and meditate on the right things.
The things that I can do, seeing, hearing and using my sound mind, are all simple things that we, myself included, too often take for granted. But we all would find life much more of a challenge without them.
There is one more thing I can do that I didn't mention. I can eat! Eating is one of the few pleasures I have and I thoroughly enjoy it. Especially when I get nonhospital food. I do have to be a little careful or I would be 600 pounds!
Me
At the beloved/hated writing vessel
Tuesday, 29 November 2016
Wednesday, 23 November 2016
Two Worlds
Two Worlds-Except for occasional outings of various kinds, my life consists
of two worlds. My Long-term Care world and my church world.
As you would expect, there is quite a difference between my two worlds. The
first is the amount of time that I spend in these "worlds". I spend a couple
of hours in church on a Sunday morning, an hour on Wednesday evening are, at
times, an hour on Sunday evening. Contrast that with the 24/7 that, except
for church and other outings from time to time, I spend in Long-term Care.
A second major difference is the atmosphere. Church has a positive
atmosphere with people focused, or we should be, on God and His wonderful promises. It is a place of hope. But Long-term Care doesn't have an
atmosphere of hope and certainly is not a place that is focused on God. For
the most part, it is a group of elderly people going through long day after
long day with very little variety.
I am lonely in both places but it is a different kind of loneliness. In
Long-term Care, I am lonely because I am alone a lot of the time. The nurses
always busy and don't have a lot of time to spend with me. I do get visitors
but not an overabundance. Anyway, it is not always an appropriate time to
have visitors. At church there are lots of people around but it is really
lonely listening to conversations all around you but never be able to take
part on any because of an inability to speak.
But the most significant difference between my two worlds is the approach to
healing. Because Long-term Care is part of the hospital, of course their
view is that doctors and medicine have the final say. However, my church
world has a different view. We knew that the Great Physician, Jesus , is the
One who really has the final word. Medical conditions that at impossible for
human doctors is possible for God. So my church world offers me, and others
hope for healing, no matter what the doctors say.
Surprisingly, there are a couple of ways that both of my worlds are similar. One is routine. Life in Long-term Care is extremely routine. The same things done at the same time day after day. And, for church the most part, is pretty routine. The things done in the same order week after week. Only the things at church are a lot more interesting. However, in both places, from time to time something happens to mess use the routine. In Long-term Care, a variety of things can happen to throw off the routine. At church, every so often the Holy Spirit takes over and, then, who knows what will happen. Those are my favorite times at church.
One other way that they are the same is my focus on God. Like I said before, it is easy for me to keep my focus on God at church. But, even if there is no focus on God in general in Long-term Care, there is in my room. I have Christian music playing4 most of the time and, like I said in a previous blog, I am doing whatever I can to keep my focus on God.
As I was writing this, the thought came to me that it is probably the same for every Christian. We all have a day-to-day world plus a church world. The challenge for all of us is to bring the focus on God that we have at church into our daily lives.
of two worlds. My Long-term Care world and my church world.
As you would expect, there is quite a difference between my two worlds. The
first is the amount of time that I spend in these "worlds". I spend a couple
of hours in church on a Sunday morning, an hour on Wednesday evening are, at
times, an hour on Sunday evening. Contrast that with the 24/7 that, except
for church and other outings from time to time, I spend in Long-term Care.
A second major difference is the atmosphere. Church has a positive
atmosphere with people focused, or we should be, on God and His wonderful promises. It is a place of hope. But Long-term Care doesn't have an
atmosphere of hope and certainly is not a place that is focused on God. For
the most part, it is a group of elderly people going through long day after
long day with very little variety.
I am lonely in both places but it is a different kind of loneliness. In
Long-term Care, I am lonely because I am alone a lot of the time. The nurses
always busy and don't have a lot of time to spend with me. I do get visitors
but not an overabundance. Anyway, it is not always an appropriate time to
have visitors. At church there are lots of people around but it is really
lonely listening to conversations all around you but never be able to take
part on any because of an inability to speak.
But the most significant difference between my two worlds is the approach to
healing. Because Long-term Care is part of the hospital, of course their
view is that doctors and medicine have the final say. However, my church
world has a different view. We knew that the Great Physician, Jesus , is the
One who really has the final word. Medical conditions that at impossible for
human doctors is possible for God. So my church world offers me, and others
hope for healing, no matter what the doctors say.
Surprisingly, there are a couple of ways that both of my worlds are similar. One is routine. Life in Long-term Care is extremely routine. The same things done at the same time day after day. And, for church the most part, is pretty routine. The things done in the same order week after week. Only the things at church are a lot more interesting. However, in both places, from time to time something happens to mess use the routine. In Long-term Care, a variety of things can happen to throw off the routine. At church, every so often the Holy Spirit takes over and, then, who knows what will happen. Those are my favorite times at church.
One other way that they are the same is my focus on God. Like I said before, it is easy for me to keep my focus on God at church. But, even if there is no focus on God in general in Long-term Care, there is in my room. I have Christian music playing4 most of the time and, like I said in a previous blog, I am doing whatever I can to keep my focus on God.
As I was writing this, the thought came to me that it is probably the same for every Christian. We all have a day-to-day world plus a church world. The challenge for all of us is to bring the focus on God that we have at church into our daily lives.
Wednesday, 16 November 2016
Focus on God
Focus On God-Because of all the time at my disposal,one of the biggest
challenges in my day-to-day life is keeping my focus on God. Yet, if I don't, I
am sure to end up depressed and feeling sorry for myself. These are things I
do to keep my attention where it should be.
The most obvious one is that I read the Bible. LOTS. From the time I get up
(around 7:30) until breakfast(between 9 and 9:30), I spend most of my time
doing my daily Bible reading plus other Bible reading. After breakfast, once
I have finished whatever writing I want to, I will frequently go on the
internet and look up and read scriptures pertaining to different topics.
Like encouragement, hope, peace, courage, etc. I do the same in the evening
while I am watching tv. During the intermission of whatever game I am
watching, I like to look up and read scriptures on a certain topic. One day
a week, Wednesday, I have what I call my "healing day". After breakfast,
instead of writing, I spend the morning looking up and reading scriptures on
healing, both in general and for the cancer. Oh, and then there are times
when, while doing something else on my computer, I just start to feel
restless and agitated. Then I read the Bible to calm myself down. So, as you
can see, a significant part of my day-to-day existence is spent reading the
Bible.
I also spend a lot of time praying. While I set aside a specific time, just
before I go to sleep, to primarily pray for others, I simply talk, in my
mind, to God all day. When I can't sleep, during the night as well. It may
not be formal but it is still talking to God so it is still prayer. Much of
the time, there is no human around for me to talk to so it is comforting to
know that I always have God around to talk to.
My music also helps to keep my focus on God. Especially in the afternoons when I have to rest in bed and can't use my computer. After a morning on my computer, I am tired so I often just lie in bed with my eyes closed and listen to the lyrics. Because almost all of my music is Christian, it definitely keeps my focus on God. Sometimes, when an instrumental song is playing, in my mind, I make up my own lyrics to go with the tune. Occasionally, when my energy level is higher, I try to sing along to the songs.
Of course, making myself to start praising God when I don't feel like it is a good way to keep my focus on God. This is especially true when I feel myself starting to get agitated and discouraged. It also helps keep my focus on God if I make a point of praising Him during the mundane times. Like when I am having a bath or eating a meal.
Unfortunately, this doesn't happen often but,when I do have the opportunity to converse about God with a friend, it is an excellent way to keep my focus on God.
Then there are the mind games that I play with myself. In a previous blog, I mentioned my God ABCs. Other mind games I play are trying to think of scriptures from different books of the Bible, especially the Psalms. This is something I often do in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. It helps to keep my focus on God, helps to pass time and keeps me calm when I can't sleep. Unfortunately, though, I don't do it all the time. During the afternoons. I sometimes try to think scriptures that match the song that I am listening to.
One final way I have to keep my focus on God is by writing these blogs. Because they are primarily about God and my relationship with Him and they take a fair bit of time to write , that is a good chunk of time on Saturday and Tuesday that it is easy to keep my focus on God.
That is what I do to keep my focus on God. I was thinking, though, that it is probably as big a challenge for Christians who are "out there" as well. Only their problem is the opposite of mine. Not enough time as opposed to too much time.
challenges in my day-to-day life is keeping my focus on God. Yet, if I don't, I
am sure to end up depressed and feeling sorry for myself. These are things I
do to keep my attention where it should be.
The most obvious one is that I read the Bible. LOTS. From the time I get up
(around 7:30) until breakfast(between 9 and 9:30), I spend most of my time
doing my daily Bible reading plus other Bible reading. After breakfast, once
I have finished whatever writing I want to, I will frequently go on the
internet and look up and read scriptures pertaining to different topics.
Like encouragement, hope, peace, courage, etc. I do the same in the evening
while I am watching tv. During the intermission of whatever game I am
watching, I like to look up and read scriptures on a certain topic. One day
a week, Wednesday, I have what I call my "healing day". After breakfast,
instead of writing, I spend the morning looking up and reading scriptures on
healing, both in general and for the cancer. Oh, and then there are times
when, while doing something else on my computer, I just start to feel
restless and agitated. Then I read the Bible to calm myself down. So, as you
can see, a significant part of my day-to-day existence is spent reading the
Bible.
I also spend a lot of time praying. While I set aside a specific time, just
before I go to sleep, to primarily pray for others, I simply talk, in my
mind, to God all day. When I can't sleep, during the night as well. It may
not be formal but it is still talking to God so it is still prayer. Much of
the time, there is no human around for me to talk to so it is comforting to
know that I always have God around to talk to.
My music also helps to keep my focus on God. Especially in the afternoons when I have to rest in bed and can't use my computer. After a morning on my computer, I am tired so I often just lie in bed with my eyes closed and listen to the lyrics. Because almost all of my music is Christian, it definitely keeps my focus on God. Sometimes, when an instrumental song is playing, in my mind, I make up my own lyrics to go with the tune. Occasionally, when my energy level is higher, I try to sing along to the songs.
Of course, making myself to start praising God when I don't feel like it is a good way to keep my focus on God. This is especially true when I feel myself starting to get agitated and discouraged. It also helps keep my focus on God if I make a point of praising Him during the mundane times. Like when I am having a bath or eating a meal.
Unfortunately, this doesn't happen often but,when I do have the opportunity to converse about God with a friend, it is an excellent way to keep my focus on God.
Then there are the mind games that I play with myself. In a previous blog, I mentioned my God ABCs. Other mind games I play are trying to think of scriptures from different books of the Bible, especially the Psalms. This is something I often do in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. It helps to keep my focus on God, helps to pass time and keeps me calm when I can't sleep. Unfortunately, though, I don't do it all the time. During the afternoons. I sometimes try to think scriptures that match the song that I am listening to.
One final way I have to keep my focus on God is by writing these blogs. Because they are primarily about God and my relationship with Him and they take a fair bit of time to write , that is a good chunk of time on Saturday and Tuesday that it is easy to keep my focus on God.
That is what I do to keep my focus on God. I was thinking, though, that it is probably as big a challenge for Christians who are "out there" as well. Only their problem is the opposite of mine. Not enough time as opposed to too much time.
Tuesday, 8 November 2016
God ABC's
God ABCs-One afternoon, both to pass time and to keep my focus on God, I
went through the alphabet, thinking of words to describe God. I thought it
might be fun to write them in this blog.
My "a" word is awesome. I know people throw the word around loosely. This is
awesome or that is awesome. The truth is, though, that the only truly
awesome person or thing is God. I have been a Christian for many years but I
am still in awe that there is a God.
My "b" word is big. Nothing and nobody is as big as my God. So much bigger
than anything I or any other Christian may have to go through. We don't
see the big picture but He does.
My "c" word is cherish. I cherish God. To me, if you cherish something, you
really value it and are not willing to part with it. I am not willing to
part with my relationship with God for anybody or anything, not even life itself.
My "d" word is divine. When I see the word divine, I always think of
pertaining to God. Like divine healing is healing from God. (I have healing
on the brain ). I can't help thinking that there is nothing more divine than
God Himself!
My "e" word is excellent. Everything that God does is excellent. The very
best. I don't know how God intends to get me out of the predicament that I am
at present but I do know that it will be most excellent. And, no doubt,
bring glory to Himself.
My "f" word is friend. God is my best friend. Due to circumstances and my
communication difficulty, I don't have a huge amount of human friends
(though I do have a few really good ones). However, I do have a friend who
will always stick with me. Even during times I would rather not stick with
myself! And I can communicate with Him without the speech board!
My "g" word is good. You know, God with an extra "o". Whenever I think of
God, I always think of good. Just plain good. My circumstances may not be
the best right now but that doesn't change how good God is. I know that He
is working things out for my good even though right now I sure don't see
it.
My "h" word is holy. Yes, he is best friend but He is also a holy God.
Worthy of all honor and reverence. I am always amazed that such a holy,
perfect God, through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, would want to have
fellowship with a flawed, less-than-perfect people. But He does.
My "I" word is immortal. People here on earth pass away sooner or later,
but not so with God. He is the same God forever and ever. That is
mind-boggling!
My "j" word is joy. Joy, not happiness. Happiness depends on what is going
on but joy is a gift from God. It is there whether or not we feel happy.
Even in times of tears, the joy is still there because we know we are in the
Lord and He is in us.
My "k" word is king. A king is a supreme ruler. What he says, goes. In the
same way, God is my King of my life. Chances are, He is not going to explain
why He wants me to do, or not do, something. My job is simply to obey
without question.
My "l" word is lord. Not only is He my King, He is my Lord. A lord is a
master. God is my Master. Having once been a teacher, I kind of relate it to
the relationship that a teacher has with her or his students. The teacher tells the students
what to do because she/he knows what is best for them. In the same way, God
tells us what to do because he knows what is best for us.
My "m" word is mighty. No one or nothing is mightier than God. The Bible says
that He can do anything. So He must have the might required for any task. It
is comforting to me to know that, no matter, what befalls me, His might far
surpasses my difficulty.
My "n" word nature. Everything in nature makes me think of God. To be
honest, being out in nature usually makes me think that this really must
have been a beautiful world before God made people to mess it up! Still,
everything about nature is amazing and could only have been made by an
amazing God. All the beauty, the variety of animals with their marvellous
instincts, etc.
My "o" word is omniscient. The all-knowing God. I always think that there is no point trying to hide anything, especially my thoughts, from God. He knows them anyway. At times, that can be rather disconcerting.
My "p" word is peace. The God kind of peace is not like the peace of the world. It is a deep down knowing that all is well because God is in control of my life. There are times, when my emotions are running haywire, that I lose my peace, but it always comes back.
My "r" word is righteous. God is righteous. Everything He does is right. And He has made me righteous. Put me in right standing with Himself. I like that.
My "s" word is supreme. My God is supreme, higher than everyone and everything. Just thinking about that makes me start to worship God.
My "t" word is trust. God can be trusted to do what He says. We find out what He says by reading the Bible. God is not like many people who say they will do something but than change their mind. God's word is final. Since being diagnosed with cancer, just about every day I pray that God will help me to trust Him the way I need to trust Him right now.
My "u" word is unique. God is unique. There is nobody like Him. That makes me happy. I mean, how much trust would you have in somebody who claims to be a god but who is like other people?
My "v" word is victory. Because of all God has done for us, in the end we win. Read the last book of the Bible. Sure, right now we may have problems, some of them severe, but IF we don't give up, one day we will be in Heaven with God where there are no problems.
My "w" word is worship. God is worthy of all praise and worship. Think of it. All He has done, and is still doing for us, and all He wants is our praise and worship. Can't we do that much for Him?
My "y" word is Yahweh. That is Hebrew for God. To me, the word Yahweh just sounds impressive and majestic. Like my God is.
My "z" word is zenith. The zenith of something is the peak or very top. God is the zenith of perfection. There is nobody, absolutely nobody, above my God. And He is the zenith of my life. Nothing in my life, good or bad can top Him.
Notice there are no words for "q" or "x". I couldn't think of any. For most letters, there are several words I could have used. However, the intent of this blog is to share an example of the mind games I play to keep myself focused on God.
went through the alphabet, thinking of words to describe God. I thought it
might be fun to write them in this blog.
My "a" word is awesome. I know people throw the word around loosely. This is
awesome or that is awesome. The truth is, though, that the only truly
awesome person or thing is God. I have been a Christian for many years but I
am still in awe that there is a God.
My "b" word is big. Nothing and nobody is as big as my God. So much bigger
than anything I or any other Christian may have to go through. We don't
see the big picture but He does.
My "c" word is cherish. I cherish God. To me, if you cherish something, you
really value it and are not willing to part with it. I am not willing to
part with my relationship with God for anybody or anything, not even life itself.
My "d" word is divine. When I see the word divine, I always think of
pertaining to God. Like divine healing is healing from God. (I have healing
on the brain ). I can't help thinking that there is nothing more divine than
God Himself!
My "e" word is excellent. Everything that God does is excellent. The very
best. I don't know how God intends to get me out of the predicament that I am
at present but I do know that it will be most excellent. And, no doubt,
bring glory to Himself.
My "f" word is friend. God is my best friend. Due to circumstances and my
communication difficulty, I don't have a huge amount of human friends
(though I do have a few really good ones). However, I do have a friend who
will always stick with me. Even during times I would rather not stick with
myself! And I can communicate with Him without the speech board!
My "g" word is good. You know, God with an extra "o". Whenever I think of
God, I always think of good. Just plain good. My circumstances may not be
the best right now but that doesn't change how good God is. I know that He
is working things out for my good even though right now I sure don't see
it.
My "h" word is holy. Yes, he is best friend but He is also a holy God.
Worthy of all honor and reverence. I am always amazed that such a holy,
perfect God, through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, would want to have
fellowship with a flawed, less-than-perfect people. But He does.
My "I" word is immortal. People here on earth pass away sooner or later,
but not so with God. He is the same God forever and ever. That is
mind-boggling!
My "j" word is joy. Joy, not happiness. Happiness depends on what is going
on but joy is a gift from God. It is there whether or not we feel happy.
Even in times of tears, the joy is still there because we know we are in the
Lord and He is in us.
My "k" word is king. A king is a supreme ruler. What he says, goes. In the
same way, God is my King of my life. Chances are, He is not going to explain
why He wants me to do, or not do, something. My job is simply to obey
without question.
My "l" word is lord. Not only is He my King, He is my Lord. A lord is a
master. God is my Master. Having once been a teacher, I kind of relate it to
the relationship that a teacher has with her or his students. The teacher tells the students
what to do because she/he knows what is best for them. In the same way, God
tells us what to do because he knows what is best for us.
My "m" word is mighty. No one or nothing is mightier than God. The Bible says
that He can do anything. So He must have the might required for any task. It
is comforting to me to know that, no matter, what befalls me, His might far
surpasses my difficulty.
My "n" word nature. Everything in nature makes me think of God. To be
honest, being out in nature usually makes me think that this really must
have been a beautiful world before God made people to mess it up! Still,
everything about nature is amazing and could only have been made by an
amazing God. All the beauty, the variety of animals with their marvellous
instincts, etc.
My "o" word is omniscient. The all-knowing God. I always think that there is no point trying to hide anything, especially my thoughts, from God. He knows them anyway. At times, that can be rather disconcerting.
My "p" word is peace. The God kind of peace is not like the peace of the world. It is a deep down knowing that all is well because God is in control of my life. There are times, when my emotions are running haywire, that I lose my peace, but it always comes back.
My "r" word is righteous. God is righteous. Everything He does is right. And He has made me righteous. Put me in right standing with Himself. I like that.
My "s" word is supreme. My God is supreme, higher than everyone and everything. Just thinking about that makes me start to worship God.
My "t" word is trust. God can be trusted to do what He says. We find out what He says by reading the Bible. God is not like many people who say they will do something but than change their mind. God's word is final. Since being diagnosed with cancer, just about every day I pray that God will help me to trust Him the way I need to trust Him right now.
My "u" word is unique. God is unique. There is nobody like Him. That makes me happy. I mean, how much trust would you have in somebody who claims to be a god but who is like other people?
My "v" word is victory. Because of all God has done for us, in the end we win. Read the last book of the Bible. Sure, right now we may have problems, some of them severe, but IF we don't give up, one day we will be in Heaven with God where there are no problems.
My "w" word is worship. God is worthy of all praise and worship. Think of it. All He has done, and is still doing for us, and all He wants is our praise and worship. Can't we do that much for Him?
My "y" word is Yahweh. That is Hebrew for God. To me, the word Yahweh just sounds impressive and majestic. Like my God is.
My "z" word is zenith. The zenith of something is the peak or very top. God is the zenith of perfection. There is nobody, absolutely nobody, above my God. And He is the zenith of my life. Nothing in my life, good or bad can top Him.
Notice there are no words for "q" or "x". I couldn't think of any. For most letters, there are several words I could have used. However, the intent of this blog is to share an example of the mind games I play to keep myself focused on God.
Tuesday, 1 November 2016
More Random Thoughts
More Random Thoughts-One day, awhile back, I was considering not writing
anymore blogs as I really felt that I had nothing else to about. But then
the thought came to me that I may, eventually, want to write a book and
these blogs would probably come in handy. Writing a book has never been on
my "to do" list but, I guess, anything is possible. Besides, I can't help
thinking that it is probably better to try, in writing, to describe what I
am feeling right now when I am going through it than to try and remember
those feelings afterward.
I do have feelings, both good and bad. God made us that way. When my
emotions are not in a good place, I sometimes wish that I was a robot so I
didn't have the discomfort and frustration of my daily life. And I would
always obey God without question. On the other hand, there are times that I
am extremely thankful to have emotions. Times when I feel the presence of
God so strongly that, if I could, I would dance, sing or praise God. I have
learned, though, not to go by my feelings, either good or bad. If I let my
negative emotions run wild for too long, I will end up depressed all the
time. Positive emotions are great while they last. Maybe they last for some
people but they don't for me. I face too many negative circumstances daily.
So I have chosen to focus on what the Bible has to say not what my emotions are
saying at that moment. The Bible never changes, no matter if I am in a
"snit" or "flying high"!
One thing that I still struggle with, though not as much as when I was first
diagnosed with cancer, is the thought that it is not fair. Since the stroke,
I have gone through a lot and, I thought, adding cancer on top of everything
was a bit much. The one thing that has always stopped me from "it is not
fair" is the thought of what Jesus went through for a world full of
ungrateful people. Instead, most of the time anyway, I am choosing to view
this cancer as sign of approval from God. He must know that I can handle it,
even if I am not so sure.
Right now.I feel like I am in limbo. I am not 100% sure what will happen to
me. However, I am pretty sure of one thing. Whatever happens, God is going
to get glory out of it.
One Sunday at church, the Holy Spirit pointed out that the cancer has become a distraction from my need for overall healing. He was right, as always. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I spent most of the time reading scriptures and making confessions about the cancer. Since that was pointed out to me, I been trying to keep more of a balance between fighting against the cancer and fighting against everything else that is wrong with me. I still focus on the cancer but not as much. Afterall, how great would it be if the cancer went away but I was left in the same condition that I have been in for years?
My life is extremely difficult, more difficult than I put into words. But, unless my negative emotions are in control, I also consider myself to be extremely blessed. Blessed to have been chosen to go through this. Through, at times, I wish He had chosen somebody else! Even being diagnosed with cancer has been a blessing as it has made me even more reliant on God.
That is enough babbling. I was wondering if anybody has anything specific that they would like me to write about. No guarantees but I could use some ideas. Please continue to pray for me.
anymore blogs as I really felt that I had nothing else to about. But then
the thought came to me that I may, eventually, want to write a book and
these blogs would probably come in handy. Writing a book has never been on
my "to do" list but, I guess, anything is possible. Besides, I can't help
thinking that it is probably better to try, in writing, to describe what I
am feeling right now when I am going through it than to try and remember
those feelings afterward.
I do have feelings, both good and bad. God made us that way. When my
emotions are not in a good place, I sometimes wish that I was a robot so I
didn't have the discomfort and frustration of my daily life. And I would
always obey God without question. On the other hand, there are times that I
am extremely thankful to have emotions. Times when I feel the presence of
God so strongly that, if I could, I would dance, sing or praise God. I have
learned, though, not to go by my feelings, either good or bad. If I let my
negative emotions run wild for too long, I will end up depressed all the
time. Positive emotions are great while they last. Maybe they last for some
people but they don't for me. I face too many negative circumstances daily.
So I have chosen to focus on what the Bible has to say not what my emotions are
saying at that moment. The Bible never changes, no matter if I am in a
"snit" or "flying high"!
One thing that I still struggle with, though not as much as when I was first
diagnosed with cancer, is the thought that it is not fair. Since the stroke,
I have gone through a lot and, I thought, adding cancer on top of everything
was a bit much. The one thing that has always stopped me from "it is not
fair" is the thought of what Jesus went through for a world full of
ungrateful people. Instead, most of the time anyway, I am choosing to view
this cancer as sign of approval from God. He must know that I can handle it,
even if I am not so sure.
Right now.I feel like I am in limbo. I am not 100% sure what will happen to
me. However, I am pretty sure of one thing. Whatever happens, God is going
to get glory out of it.
One Sunday at church, the Holy Spirit pointed out that the cancer has become a distraction from my need for overall healing. He was right, as always. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I spent most of the time reading scriptures and making confessions about the cancer. Since that was pointed out to me, I been trying to keep more of a balance between fighting against the cancer and fighting against everything else that is wrong with me. I still focus on the cancer but not as much. Afterall, how great would it be if the cancer went away but I was left in the same condition that I have been in for years?
My life is extremely difficult, more difficult than I put into words. But, unless my negative emotions are in control, I also consider myself to be extremely blessed. Blessed to have been chosen to go through this. Through, at times, I wish He had chosen somebody else! Even being diagnosed with cancer has been a blessing as it has made me even more reliant on God.
That is enough babbling. I was wondering if anybody has anything specific that they would like me to write about. No guarantees but I could use some ideas. Please continue to pray for me.
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