Cons And Pros-Obviously, there are plenty of things in my life that I would
classify as definite "cons" but there also some aspects of my life that
really some "pros" in my life. Which I will talk about later but, first, I
would like to discuss some of the "cons" in my present life.
The main "con" in my life are the health issues. Not being able to move or
speak for so long has been really hard and frustrating for me. Now, I have
cancer to deal with on top of everything else. Cancer is a scary word, even
for somebody in my condition. I don't believe I will die from it but, if I
do, I am not afraid to die. I am a born-again Christian so why should I be?
What I am kind of afraid is the suffering I MIGHT have to deal with
before I am rid of the cancer. But that is when my mind starts thinking more
than one day at a time.
I lead a tedious, boring life. I am extremely grateful for my computer which
enables me to read the Bible and to communicate with others. However, the
same thing day after day can get pretty monotonous. Times when my computer
is down, thankfully not often, I am really bored and feeling helpless as
there is virtually nothing I can do without that computer.
Another "con" in my life is loneliness. For two reasons. First, I am lonely
because I am alone most of the time. I don't get a huge amount of visitors
and even the nurses are too busy to spend much time with me. So I spend most
the time alone in my room, puttering on my computer. That suits me just
fine. At least, most of the time. Just once in awhile does the lack of
people in my life overwhelm me. The second source of loneliness for me is my
inability to speak. There is nothing more lonely than to hear conversations
all around me and not be able to take part. For that reason, I generally
prefer to be alone or in the company of one other person. However, I never
feel lonely for too long because I know that Jesus is always with me and I
can commune with him anytime I want.
That is enough about the "cons" in my life. I have to admit, though, that
there are some "pros" or advantages. The main one is having Jesus as my Lord
and Savior. That is better than all the bad in my life. With Him and His
constant presence in my life, I can endure anything.
A second "pro" in my life that I don't have as many other things in my life as other people do that distract me from God. Things like jobs, families, etc. Instead, I can just get up and start reading the Bible and spending time with God. I suppose, though, my computer could become a distraction if I let it. But I discipline myself to do my Bible reading before I do anything else. Ultimately, I guess that, no matter how many distractions we have, it is our personal responsibility to put God first.
Also, all the time that I have is a "pro" in my life. I can spend as much time as I want with God simply because I don't have all the commitments that other people do. On the other hand, all the time that I have is a major "con" in my life. I have so many long hours in a day that I am always trying fill up. I spend plenty of time reading the Bible but I can't do that all the time. Especially as I spend the afternoons in bed and can't use my computer!
One other thing that, surprisingly, has been a "pro" in my is having cancer that can't be treated. One aspect of it, anyway. Sheer desperation has made me turn and cling even more to God and His promises. I have always had a pretty close relationship with God because of all the time I spend alone with Him. Now, though, it is even better. I am spending even more time getting His promises on healing, encouragement, hope, peace, etc.
So my life is full of "pros" and "cons". I imagine it is the same for most people. For me, to keep myself from being depressed, I need to make myself focus more on the "pros" and less on the "cons".
Me
Tuesday, 27 September 2016
Tuesday, 20 September 2016
Music
Music-I love music. Not that I have ever had any musical talent but I have
always really enjoyed listening to it. I have Christian music playing all
day in my room. There are several purposes that it serves.
When I am busy on my computer, be it reading the Bible or doing some
writing, I don't usually pay much attention to my music. However, I still
like to have it playing. Both for background noise and, especially, to drown
out some of the noises in this place. There always bells ringing, people
talking and, it seems, banging of some kind.
However, it is when I am resting in bed in the afternoon that I value my
music the most. First of all, listening to music helps to pass the time for
me. I am always looking for something to help to pass the time. The
afternoons certainly go by faster if I am listening to something.
Because most of the music that I listen to is Christian, it helps to keep my
focus on God, where it should be. If I don't have music playing, my mind
keeps wandering to places that I don't want it to go and I have to make a
conscious effort to pull it back to where it should be more frequently. But,
if music is playing, it easier to set my mind, and keep it set,on what any
particular song is saying about God.
That is another reason that I like to listen to Christian music. To hear
what the songs have to say about God. I really enjoy contemporary Christian
music, especially to praise to , but, if I want to listen to descriptions
of God or Jesus, I prefer the old hymns. I find that contemporary Christian
songs, though I love them, often repeat the same thing over and over. At
least more often than old hymns do.
There are afternoons, though, that I use my music to simply praise God. I
have my music on the computer, and usually on shuffle, so I get what I get.
Be it contemporary, old hymns, country or even the few classical and other
nice instrumental songs that I have. For the latter, I simply make up words
of praise to go with the tune. Generally, though, I just sing along, either in my mind or as best I can out loud,
Other afternoons, though, I desperately need some encouraging. Usually when
I feel discouraged, I turn to the Bible. But when I am in bed, I can't use
my computer., which is the only way I have to read the Bible. So I encourage myself by listening to the lyrics of Christian songs. A lot of my spells of discouragment come either in the middle of the night or early in the morning when I don't have music playing. Then, I often encourage myself by singing songs from my cds in my mind.
I sometimes get an inspiration for my blogs from my music. I will be listening to the words and hear a sentence or phrase that jumps out at me and I know it is what I will write about in my next blog.
Finally, I think having Christian music playing all the time is a way of telling the nurses about Jesus without talking to them. I know that they are very busy. And they are being paid to work. However, I can't help but think that they are getting a bit of the gospel message just by having to listen to it in my room. Every so often, one of them will say how nice my music is so they must listen.
So, yes, I do really enjoy listening to music. But my music is more than just entertainment for me. It is helping me to cope with what is a really difficult situation.
always really enjoyed listening to it. I have Christian music playing all
day in my room. There are several purposes that it serves.
When I am busy on my computer, be it reading the Bible or doing some
writing, I don't usually pay much attention to my music. However, I still
like to have it playing. Both for background noise and, especially, to drown
out some of the noises in this place. There always bells ringing, people
talking and, it seems, banging of some kind.
However, it is when I am resting in bed in the afternoon that I value my
music the most. First of all, listening to music helps to pass the time for
me. I am always looking for something to help to pass the time. The
afternoons certainly go by faster if I am listening to something.
Because most of the music that I listen to is Christian, it helps to keep my
focus on God, where it should be. If I don't have music playing, my mind
keeps wandering to places that I don't want it to go and I have to make a
conscious effort to pull it back to where it should be more frequently. But,
if music is playing, it easier to set my mind, and keep it set,on what any
particular song is saying about God.
That is another reason that I like to listen to Christian music. To hear
what the songs have to say about God. I really enjoy contemporary Christian
music, especially to praise to , but, if I want to listen to descriptions
of God or Jesus, I prefer the old hymns. I find that contemporary Christian
songs, though I love them, often repeat the same thing over and over. At
least more often than old hymns do.
There are afternoons, though, that I use my music to simply praise God. I
have my music on the computer, and usually on shuffle, so I get what I get.
Be it contemporary, old hymns, country or even the few classical and other
nice instrumental songs that I have. For the latter, I simply make up words
of praise to go with the tune. Generally, though, I just sing along, either in my mind or as best I can out loud,
Other afternoons, though, I desperately need some encouraging. Usually when
I feel discouraged, I turn to the Bible. But when I am in bed, I can't use
my computer., which is the only way I have to read the Bible. So I encourage myself by listening to the lyrics of Christian songs. A lot of my spells of discouragment come either in the middle of the night or early in the morning when I don't have music playing. Then, I often encourage myself by singing songs from my cds in my mind.
I sometimes get an inspiration for my blogs from my music. I will be listening to the words and hear a sentence or phrase that jumps out at me and I know it is what I will write about in my next blog.
Finally, I think having Christian music playing all the time is a way of telling the nurses about Jesus without talking to them. I know that they are very busy. And they are being paid to work. However, I can't help but think that they are getting a bit of the gospel message just by having to listen to it in my room. Every so often, one of them will say how nice my music is so they must listen.
So, yes, I do really enjoy listening to music. But my music is more than just entertainment for me. It is helping me to cope with what is a really difficult situation.
Wednesday, 14 September 2016
Change
Change-One of my frequent nights without much sleep, I was thinking that our
lives are composed of a series of changes. The older I get, the less I like
change. However, it going to happen to us all-like it or not. I started
thinking about my life and all the changes that have been in it.
The first significant change that I remember was moving from the country to
Medicine Hat. I don't remember a whole lot about the actual move but having
all the amenities, like electricity and indoor plumbing, had to be quite a
change from the way we had been living. Starting grade 6 in a city school
with a room full of kids all in the same grade was certainly different for
me after 5 years in a room with kids in all different grades.
The next major change in my life was when I was in grade 11. My father had a
heart attack and passed away. That was quite a shock to the entire family.
For a couple of years, we remained in the big, old house that we had been
living in. But, as my older sisters had left home by then, we moved into a
much smaller house it Medicine Hat.
The next change in my life was going away to university. It was the first
time that I had been away from home which is always an adjustment. However,
I attended university in Lethbridge which is not that far from Medicine Hat
so I could go home on weekends if I wanted to, holidays and, for sure,
during the summer. Also, I either lived in residence or boarded so I didn't
have to concern myself with things like cooking and cleaning.
After graduating from university, I moved to Cold Lake to teach. Now, it was
too far to go home on weekends, though I still went back to Medicine Hat for
holidays and the summer. Now I had no choice but to start grocery shopping,
cooking and cleaning for myself. It was a change for sure.
After two years in Cold Lake, I made the big change that is pretty common. I
got married. It was a big change to go from being single and doing what I
wanted, when I wanted to having somebody around 24/7 and sometimes having to
forgo what I wanted to do. No more summers at home. Now, at least part of
the summer was often spent visiting his parents n Ontario. Throw in a couple
of kids and the change was complete.
The most traumatic change in my life was in July of 1983 when I had a brain
stem stroke. I were from a healthy 33 year old to a somebody who
couldn't move or talk. However, the doctor did say l would learn to walk and talk
again so I had hope. That is until the "complication" that left me in my
present condition. I still don't know what happened but I knew I would never
get better, which threw me into some major depression.
Then came the best change in my life. I became a born-again Christian. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be totally restored to health. But what I didn't know was how long it would take. No doubt, a good thing or I don't think I would have had the courage to go through it. As it is, though I have had spells of depression and lots of boredom, I have never lost hope.
This past March, I had another change in my life. I was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is a scary word but, out of desperation, it has made me cling even more to God and the Bible. As a result, my hope and expectation for healing of both the cancer and everything else is higher than in a long time.
This is my journey through the changes that have happened in my life. Other people go through their own series of changes. However, one thing that never changes is Jesus. Like the Bible says, He is the same yesterday, today and forever. It is comforting to know that, no matter what happens or how I feel, His love and care for me are always the same.
lives are composed of a series of changes. The older I get, the less I like
change. However, it going to happen to us all-like it or not. I started
thinking about my life and all the changes that have been in it.
The first significant change that I remember was moving from the country to
Medicine Hat. I don't remember a whole lot about the actual move but having
all the amenities, like electricity and indoor plumbing, had to be quite a
change from the way we had been living. Starting grade 6 in a city school
with a room full of kids all in the same grade was certainly different for
me after 5 years in a room with kids in all different grades.
The next major change in my life was when I was in grade 11. My father had a
heart attack and passed away. That was quite a shock to the entire family.
For a couple of years, we remained in the big, old house that we had been
living in. But, as my older sisters had left home by then, we moved into a
much smaller house it Medicine Hat.
The next change in my life was going away to university. It was the first
time that I had been away from home which is always an adjustment. However,
I attended university in Lethbridge which is not that far from Medicine Hat
so I could go home on weekends if I wanted to, holidays and, for sure,
during the summer. Also, I either lived in residence or boarded so I didn't
have to concern myself with things like cooking and cleaning.
After graduating from university, I moved to Cold Lake to teach. Now, it was
too far to go home on weekends, though I still went back to Medicine Hat for
holidays and the summer. Now I had no choice but to start grocery shopping,
cooking and cleaning for myself. It was a change for sure.
After two years in Cold Lake, I made the big change that is pretty common. I
got married. It was a big change to go from being single and doing what I
wanted, when I wanted to having somebody around 24/7 and sometimes having to
forgo what I wanted to do. No more summers at home. Now, at least part of
the summer was often spent visiting his parents n Ontario. Throw in a couple
of kids and the change was complete.
The most traumatic change in my life was in July of 1983 when I had a brain
stem stroke. I were from a healthy 33 year old to a somebody who
couldn't move or talk. However, the doctor did say l would learn to walk and talk
again so I had hope. That is until the "complication" that left me in my
present condition. I still don't know what happened but I knew I would never
get better, which threw me into some major depression.
Then came the best change in my life. I became a born-again Christian. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be totally restored to health. But what I didn't know was how long it would take. No doubt, a good thing or I don't think I would have had the courage to go through it. As it is, though I have had spells of depression and lots of boredom, I have never lost hope.
This past March, I had another change in my life. I was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is a scary word but, out of desperation, it has made me cling even more to God and the Bible. As a result, my hope and expectation for healing of both the cancer and everything else is higher than in a long time.
This is my journey through the changes that have happened in my life. Other people go through their own series of changes. However, one thing that never changes is Jesus. Like the Bible says, He is the same yesterday, today and forever. It is comforting to know that, no matter what happens or how I feel, His love and care for me are always the same.
Tuesday, 6 September 2016
Disabilities
Disabilities-Ever since the stroke and the infirmity that I have lived with
for so long, I have been at a loss for what to call it. Just recently,
though, I came up with the term "Temporary Disability". Temporary because,
even though it certainly seems like it, I know the disability won't last
forever. However, not being to walk or move or speak is a definite
disability. After living so many years with a disability I, I have gained
some insight into what life is like for truly disabled people.
One thing I learned pretty quickly is that you are limited where you can go
if you are in a wheelchair. Some places have stairs but no ramp to
accommodate wheelchairs. I have noticed that over the years this seems to
be less of a problem as more places are installing ramps, which is good.
Unfortunately, though, there are still too many places that people in
wheelchairs can't go.
I have also noticed that products designed specifically for disabled people
are usually quite costly. Unless a disabled person is getting special
funding, I would think that this could be a problem. Most disabled people, I
assume, have a limited source of income.
I don't know if this is true for everyone in a wheelchair but I find that
when I am looking at something, too often somebody stands in front of me so
I can't see. And of course I can't tell them to get out of the way. I know
it is not done intentionally but it is still very frustrating.
However, I want to deal more with emotional aspects of being disabled. For people born that way it is probably not the issue it is with somebody, like me, who has been perfectly healthy but then all of a sudden becomes disabled. For me, it was a very humiliating experience to go from being pretty independent to needing somebody to do everything for me. Basically, I have become like an overgrown baby. I have to be fed and diapered like a baby. And, if I need anything else, even my head scratched, I have to ask somebody. I am used to it by now but it sure does knock down the pride!
Even though I know that this disability is temporary, I have lived long enough as a disabled person to know that there are some things that well-meaning healthy people do that may not be the best thing for somebody who is disabled. One thing is avoiding somebody who is disabled. I know it is human nature to avoid anything that makes us uncomfortable. I can only speak from my own experience. When I first started going to church, I wanted to be friends with everyone but the majority of people avoided me. Eventually, I started to feel rejected and withdrew into myself.
Disabled people are just ordinary people stuck in a body that doesn't work. And it would be nice to be treated like that. Some people do but unfortunately, I have had people stick their faces in mine and speak really loudly. Most of those, though, are people who don't know I have a sound mind and good hearing.
There are plenty of more things that, as a temporarily disabled person, frustrate me but I will mention just more thing. Being stared at. I hate constantly being stared at wherever I go. Little kids stare at me all the time ,but they stare at a lot of things so they don't bother me much. Adults, though, are funny. I know somebody is staring at me, but if I look at that person he or she looks away. To be honest though, I would probably do the same.
for so long, I have been at a loss for what to call it. Just recently,
though, I came up with the term "Temporary Disability". Temporary because,
even though it certainly seems like it, I know the disability won't last
forever. However, not being to walk or move or speak is a definite
disability. After living so many years with a disability I, I have gained
some insight into what life is like for truly disabled people.
One thing I learned pretty quickly is that you are limited where you can go
if you are in a wheelchair. Some places have stairs but no ramp to
accommodate wheelchairs. I have noticed that over the years this seems to
be less of a problem as more places are installing ramps, which is good.
Unfortunately, though, there are still too many places that people in
wheelchairs can't go.
I have also noticed that products designed specifically for disabled people
are usually quite costly. Unless a disabled person is getting special
funding, I would think that this could be a problem. Most disabled people, I
assume, have a limited source of income.
I don't know if this is true for everyone in a wheelchair but I find that
when I am looking at something, too often somebody stands in front of me so
I can't see. And of course I can't tell them to get out of the way. I know
it is not done intentionally but it is still very frustrating.
However, I want to deal more with emotional aspects of being disabled. For people born that way it is probably not the issue it is with somebody, like me, who has been perfectly healthy but then all of a sudden becomes disabled. For me, it was a very humiliating experience to go from being pretty independent to needing somebody to do everything for me. Basically, I have become like an overgrown baby. I have to be fed and diapered like a baby. And, if I need anything else, even my head scratched, I have to ask somebody. I am used to it by now but it sure does knock down the pride!
Even though I know that this disability is temporary, I have lived long enough as a disabled person to know that there are some things that well-meaning healthy people do that may not be the best thing for somebody who is disabled. One thing is avoiding somebody who is disabled. I know it is human nature to avoid anything that makes us uncomfortable. I can only speak from my own experience. When I first started going to church, I wanted to be friends with everyone but the majority of people avoided me. Eventually, I started to feel rejected and withdrew into myself.
Disabled people are just ordinary people stuck in a body that doesn't work. And it would be nice to be treated like that. Some people do but unfortunately, I have had people stick their faces in mine and speak really loudly. Most of those, though, are people who don't know I have a sound mind and good hearing.
There are plenty of more things that, as a temporarily disabled person, frustrate me but I will mention just more thing. Being stared at. I hate constantly being stared at wherever I go. Little kids stare at me all the time ,but they stare at a lot of things so they don't bother me much. Adults, though, are funny. I know somebody is staring at me, but if I look at that person he or she looks away. To be honest though, I would probably do the same.
Thankfully, this disability is temporary but it has given me insight into what life is like for a disabled person. Believe me, it is not a lot of fun!
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