More Things I Have Learned-Some time ago, I wrote about some lessons that I
have learned during my ordeal. But that was before the cancer. But, now, l
have a few more to add.
One of the most important is to never, ever entertain the thought of giving
up. From time to time I get the thought that this is too hard. I should just
give up, let nature take its course and go to Heaven. Pretty tempting but I
also know, that, if I entertain that thought, it won't be long until I
actually do give up. I have to keep telling myself that, no matter how bad
it gets, I won't EVER give up.
I have learned that it ok to have an occasional pity party, meltdown, hissy
fit, crying spell or whatever you want to call it. Just don't stay there and
wallow in it. For me, it is have the fit, get over it and carry on with
life.
Another thing that I have learned is the reality of the statement by Jesus
that He will never leave or forsake us. Yes, we read in the Bible and hear it
at church. However, it becomes a reality when I am crying and upset. Nobody
wants to be around me and, to be honest, I would like to get away from
myself if I could! But, miserable as I may get, I can't get rid of Jesus. In
fast, when I am at my worst, that is often when I feel His presence the most.
I have learned that, yes, Jesus gave us His peace at the time of our
salvation but it is up to us to keep that peace. There are all sorts of things
in this life that will steal our peace if we let them. For me, if I notice
that I am starting to feel agitated, restless and just not at peace, it is a
signal to me that I need to read some in the Bible, as long as I am not in
bed. Sometimes, I read verses specifically on peace but not always. The key,
I guess, is doing whatever we need to get our focus back on Jesus. That is
where the peace is.
Since being diagnosed with cancer, I have really come to understand the
importance of living one day at a time. After my salvation, I kept looking forward to the day that I received my total healing. But I don't do that anymore. At least, not as often. I have no idea what the future holds and I know very well that I just make myself depressed if I let myself start thinking about all the bad things that could happen. So I try to live one day at a time, sometimes a few hours at a time.
I have learned that, when some trifling thing happens that upsets me, to stop and think, "How important is this in the light of eternity?". That generally calms me down. I am trying, not always successfully, to view everything from an eternal perspective. That includes everything that I have gone through and am still going through.
I have learned to be more thankful. Mostly, for the little things or things most people take for granted. Right now, I am thankful for every day that the symptoms from the cancer are minimal. Though maybe that is not a little thing! I was thinking about how thankful I am for my sight and hearing. I can't even imagine what my life would be without them. I am not going to mention everything that I am thankful for. Just one more thing. I think, right now, I am more thankful for Jesus than I have ever been.
These are just a few more things that I have learned. No doubt I will be learning plenty more before Jesus returns!
Me
At the beloved/hated writing vessel
Wednesday, 31 August 2016
Wednesday, 24 August 2016
Weak Moments
Weak Moments-Considering that I am facing some pretty difficult
circumstances what with the stroke and now cancer on top of everything
else, I am doing ok. With a LOT of help from God, I have been able to "hang in there"
somehow. The truth is, over the years since the stroke, I have asked myself
how on earth have I lasted all these years. However, I don't want to leave
you with the impression that I never have weak moments. Because I do. Lots
of them.
These weak moments don't always show themselves to other people. A lot of
times, a heaviness will come over me and I start to be fearful (especially
since the cancer) and depressed. At times like that, I have to struggle, not
always successfully, not to let the depression show. Other times, my weak
moment does make itself known. Often in tears. I can be having an ok day when
all of a sudden, I burst into tears. Or maybe, some little unimportant
thing happens which makes me start to cry. I never seem to be far from tears
these days. I am not proud of it but I have had some total meltdowns. I have
gotten angry, screamed and, if I could have, would have thrown something.
Even before the cancer, I have had times where I have had spells of feeling
totally overwhelmed and in a box with no way out. Now, I sometimes feel
overwhelmed by the cancer as well.
One thing that triggers a weak moment is seeing or listening to people talk
about things that they are doing. Things that I haven't been able do for a
long, long time. I know that is pretty selfish of me so I try not to let it
get the best of me. Not too much, anyway.
Another thing that usually sets off a weak moment is when I am with a group
and can't take part in conversations going on around me. Not being able to
talk is one of the main things that brings on a weak moment for me.
Various symptoms, from either the stroke or cancer or both sometimes trigger a weak moment. It is so much easier to be strong when I am feeling relatively well than when different symptoms start kicking in. This is especially true if I start to think how long I may have the symptoms, and how bad they may get, before God restores me to complete health.
That is one of the most frequent causes of my weak moments. I start thinking too much about the future and how I might go on living like this for years before anything gets better. I know that if I just take one day at a time I do better, but sometimes my thoughts get away.
The bottom line, though, is that, anytime I get a weak moment, I have gotten my focus off of the Lord. If I kept my focus on the Lord ALL the time, I wouldn't get these weak moments.
But the good thing about these weak moments is that they usually don't last long. I have learned that, when I start feeling weak and discouraged, my focus has gotten off Jesus and it is time to yank it back. I do this with verses from the Bible. If I am up and using my computer, I start to read encouraging Bible verses. Sometimes, ones on peace. Or if I am in bed, I quote Bible verses to myself. Listening carefully to the lyrics of Christian songs also helps to put my focus back on God. When some little thing happens that upsets me, I try to think, "How important is this in the light of eternity?" That usually calms me down.
circumstances what with the stroke and now cancer on top of everything
else, I am doing ok. With a LOT of help from God, I have been able to "hang in there"
somehow. The truth is, over the years since the stroke, I have asked myself
how on earth have I lasted all these years. However, I don't want to leave
you with the impression that I never have weak moments. Because I do. Lots
of them.
These weak moments don't always show themselves to other people. A lot of
times, a heaviness will come over me and I start to be fearful (especially
since the cancer) and depressed. At times like that, I have to struggle, not
always successfully, not to let the depression show. Other times, my weak
moment does make itself known. Often in tears. I can be having an ok day when
all of a sudden, I burst into tears. Or maybe, some little unimportant
thing happens which makes me start to cry. I never seem to be far from tears
these days. I am not proud of it but I have had some total meltdowns. I have
gotten angry, screamed and, if I could have, would have thrown something.
Even before the cancer, I have had times where I have had spells of feeling
totally overwhelmed and in a box with no way out. Now, I sometimes feel
overwhelmed by the cancer as well.
One thing that triggers a weak moment is seeing or listening to people talk
about things that they are doing. Things that I haven't been able do for a
long, long time. I know that is pretty selfish of me so I try not to let it
get the best of me. Not too much, anyway.
Another thing that usually sets off a weak moment is when I am with a group
and can't take part in conversations going on around me. Not being able to
talk is one of the main things that brings on a weak moment for me.
Various symptoms, from either the stroke or cancer or both sometimes trigger a weak moment. It is so much easier to be strong when I am feeling relatively well than when different symptoms start kicking in. This is especially true if I start to think how long I may have the symptoms, and how bad they may get, before God restores me to complete health.
That is one of the most frequent causes of my weak moments. I start thinking too much about the future and how I might go on living like this for years before anything gets better. I know that if I just take one day at a time I do better, but sometimes my thoughts get away.
The bottom line, though, is that, anytime I get a weak moment, I have gotten my focus off of the Lord. If I kept my focus on the Lord ALL the time, I wouldn't get these weak moments.
But the good thing about these weak moments is that they usually don't last long. I have learned that, when I start feeling weak and discouraged, my focus has gotten off Jesus and it is time to yank it back. I do this with verses from the Bible. If I am up and using my computer, I start to read encouraging Bible verses. Sometimes, ones on peace. Or if I am in bed, I quote Bible verses to myself. Listening carefully to the lyrics of Christian songs also helps to put my focus back on God. When some little thing happens that upsets me, I try to think, "How important is this in the light of eternity?" That usually calms me down.
Wednesday, 17 August 2016
Quite The Life
Quite The Life-One day, I was chatting with one of the nurses and I
mentioned that I have had quite a life. Afterwards, I reflected my life has,
for the most part, not been what one would call "normal".
Right from the beginning, I had a different sort of life. Spending the first
11 years living in the country with no electricity or indoor plumbing and
riding horseback to a one room school was not the norm. Even way back when I
was a child. To me, though, it was perfectly normal as that was all I knew.
I do have fond memories, at least mostly, of my childhood.
When I was 11, we moved to Medicine Hat. It was then that life became a bit
more usual.We finally had the amenities that other people did. Like
electricity, indoor plumbing and even a tv! I suppose it took some
adjustment for the "country bumpkins" that my sisters and I were to a city
school but I don't recall it being too difficult.
Probably the most "normal" period of my life was my time at university and
the immediate years after. At university, I was a typical university
student. I honestly did put my studies first but I also had a good time and
did some goofy things. Like people that age do. I graduated from university
in 1972 and, in January of 1973, moved to Cold Lake to start my teaching
career. The next ten years rolled by pretty uneventfully. I got married and
had a couple of kids. You know, the usual stuff.
But, then came the stroke . On July 24, 1983, I had what they termed a
brain stem stroke. Having a stroke at the age of 33 is sure not what I
expected but, apparently, people that young, or even younger, do have
strokes so it wasn't totally unheard of. Whatever the age, it was quite a
shock to find myself unable to move or speak. However, the doctor said that
I would learn to walk and talk again. We had been slowly working towards
that goal when what I call "the complication" set in.
It was April or May of 1984 and I was at the Glenrose Hospital in Edmonton
for therapy. Unfortunately, I ended up with pneumonia and had to be
transferred to the Royal Alexandra Hospital. That is when my incredible
journey through this life began in earnest. I still have no idea what
happened. One day, I was feeling the same way I always did since having this
stroke. But, the next,I felt pretty much like I do now and knew that I was
never going to get better.
After I recovered from the pneumonia, I was sent back to Cold Lake. Nothing
unusual about the fact that I was very depressed. Here I was 34 years old,
with two young children and no hope of ever getting better.
That depression lifted pretty fast on the day that I was saved. I knew that
I was going to be healed but, what I didn't realize was that it would take
so long. At first, I was so excited that I barely noticed the not very
pleasant circumstances that I have to endure daily. But, as the months and
years rolled by, that excitement turned into a plodding determination not to
give up.
This past March, after years of nothing seeming to happen, I was diagnosed
with breast cancer. Being diagnosed with cancer was nothing out of the
ordinary as it happens to far too many people. The cancer has spread and became untreatable by human
doctors. (Not by the Great Physician!)
So that brings me up to the present in this "unique" life of mine. I can't
walk or talk, have cancer, and am beyond medical help. But not beyond help
of the Great Physician. I am believing that not only will Jesus take away
the cancer, He will fix everything else on me that needs fixing. I just don't know
when or how. Another thing I don't know is what my life will be like after I
am restored to health. I only know that Jesus will be in it.
mentioned that I have had quite a life. Afterwards, I reflected my life has,
for the most part, not been what one would call "normal".
Right from the beginning, I had a different sort of life. Spending the first
11 years living in the country with no electricity or indoor plumbing and
riding horseback to a one room school was not the norm. Even way back when I
was a child. To me, though, it was perfectly normal as that was all I knew.
I do have fond memories, at least mostly, of my childhood.
When I was 11, we moved to Medicine Hat. It was then that life became a bit
more usual.We finally had the amenities that other people did. Like
electricity, indoor plumbing and even a tv! I suppose it took some
adjustment for the "country bumpkins" that my sisters and I were to a city
school but I don't recall it being too difficult.
Probably the most "normal" period of my life was my time at university and
the immediate years after. At university, I was a typical university
student. I honestly did put my studies first but I also had a good time and
did some goofy things. Like people that age do. I graduated from university
in 1972 and, in January of 1973, moved to Cold Lake to start my teaching
career. The next ten years rolled by pretty uneventfully. I got married and
had a couple of kids. You know, the usual stuff.
But, then came the stroke . On July 24, 1983, I had what they termed a
brain stem stroke. Having a stroke at the age of 33 is sure not what I
expected but, apparently, people that young, or even younger, do have
strokes so it wasn't totally unheard of. Whatever the age, it was quite a
shock to find myself unable to move or speak. However, the doctor said that
I would learn to walk and talk again. We had been slowly working towards
that goal when what I call "the complication" set in.
It was April or May of 1984 and I was at the Glenrose Hospital in Edmonton
for therapy. Unfortunately, I ended up with pneumonia and had to be
transferred to the Royal Alexandra Hospital. That is when my incredible
journey through this life began in earnest. I still have no idea what
happened. One day, I was feeling the same way I always did since having this
stroke. But, the next,I felt pretty much like I do now and knew that I was
never going to get better.
After I recovered from the pneumonia, I was sent back to Cold Lake. Nothing
unusual about the fact that I was very depressed. Here I was 34 years old,
with two young children and no hope of ever getting better.
That depression lifted pretty fast on the day that I was saved. I knew that
I was going to be healed but, what I didn't realize was that it would take
so long. At first, I was so excited that I barely noticed the not very
pleasant circumstances that I have to endure daily. But, as the months and
years rolled by, that excitement turned into a plodding determination not to
give up.
This past March, after years of nothing seeming to happen, I was diagnosed
with breast cancer. Being diagnosed with cancer was nothing out of the
ordinary as it happens to far too many people. The cancer has spread and became untreatable by human
doctors. (Not by the Great Physician!)
So that brings me up to the present in this "unique" life of mine. I can't
walk or talk, have cancer, and am beyond medical help. But not beyond help
of the Great Physician. I am believing that not only will Jesus take away
the cancer, He will fix everything else on me that needs fixing. I just don't know
when or how. Another thing I don't know is what my life will be like after I
am restored to health. I only know that Jesus will be in it.
Wednesday, 10 August 2016
Time to Make Sure
Time To Make Sure-I know. I wasn't going to write anymore about the cancer
but I really feel I need to say this. Some of the people who read my blogs
are not born-again Christians.Those are the ones that I primarily want to
address this blog to. I grew up going to church but I had never even heard
the term born-again. It was only after the stroke and my dramatic salvation
(see my testimony) that I heard that term. Actually, it probably wasn't
until I started attending the church that I am now attending that I first
heard about being born-again.
Anyway, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I admit I cried. I
could not understand why God was letting me go through cancer on top of
everything that I had already gone through. However, by the time I read the
bad report that the cancer had spread and I was, assumedly, beyond medical
help, I was able to receive the news calmly. For two reasons. First, I know
that, no matter what happens in this life, I am going to Heaven and that
will be so much better than anything in this world. But secondly, I know
that with God nothing is impossible so no matter what medical science says,
there is a very good chance that God will take away the cancer and I will go
on living in this world.
I have, though, wondered how people who are not Christians receive a
negative report like that. I am guessing, logically, that their initial
response would be to cry. Even though I am a born-again Christian and pretty
much at peace with the situation, I have had my crying spells. Not a lot but
some. But after that, then what? Do they seek another medical opinion? Do
they run around, keeping busy, so they don't have to think of the diagnosis
(probably what I would have done had I been able to)? Or do they fall into
depression? I am guessing that some people get angry. It is my hope that a
cancer diagnosis will turn many to God.
Never in a million years did I think I would get cancer. But I did and it
could just as easily happen to anybody reading this. My question is this. If
you were diagnosed with terminal cancer, do you know FOR SURE that you are going to Heaven? If you can't say yes for sure, then you are probably not. That leaves only one other peace to go. HELL! I know lots of people joke about hell but it is no joking matter. It is a matter of being in torment forever. Years ago, I had a vision of a man burning in hell. It was horrible. To be honest, one thing that kept me going all these years is fear of doing, or not doing, something that would send me to hell.
If you want to become born-again and be absolutely sure you will go to heaven when you die, pray something like this: Heavenly Father.I humbly come to you acknowledging that I am a sinner. But, Father, Jesus died on the cross to take away my sins and give me a brand new life. So I am asking you, Lord Jesus, please forgive me of my sins. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer and really meant it, you are saved. When I was saved, it felt as if a heavy load was lifted off my shoulders. Some people, though, apparently don't feel anything. One indication of a genuine salvation is a desire to read the Bible. So get yourself a Bible and read, read, read. But start with the New Testament or you will probably get bogged down. Another thing that you should do is is start attending a good Bible-based church. I go to a Victory church but I have born-again friends who attend Pentecostal, Baptist or Alliance churches.
One last thing. Please pray for me as I go through my cancer journey.
but I really feel I need to say this. Some of the people who read my blogs
are not born-again Christians.Those are the ones that I primarily want to
address this blog to. I grew up going to church but I had never even heard
the term born-again. It was only after the stroke and my dramatic salvation
(see my testimony) that I heard that term. Actually, it probably wasn't
until I started attending the church that I am now attending that I first
heard about being born-again.
Anyway, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I admit I cried. I
could not understand why God was letting me go through cancer on top of
everything that I had already gone through. However, by the time I read the
bad report that the cancer had spread and I was, assumedly, beyond medical
help, I was able to receive the news calmly. For two reasons. First, I know
that, no matter what happens in this life, I am going to Heaven and that
will be so much better than anything in this world. But secondly, I know
that with God nothing is impossible so no matter what medical science says,
there is a very good chance that God will take away the cancer and I will go
on living in this world.
I have, though, wondered how people who are not Christians receive a
negative report like that. I am guessing, logically, that their initial
response would be to cry. Even though I am a born-again Christian and pretty
much at peace with the situation, I have had my crying spells. Not a lot but
some. But after that, then what? Do they seek another medical opinion? Do
they run around, keeping busy, so they don't have to think of the diagnosis
(probably what I would have done had I been able to)? Or do they fall into
depression? I am guessing that some people get angry. It is my hope that a
cancer diagnosis will turn many to God.
Never in a million years did I think I would get cancer. But I did and it
could just as easily happen to anybody reading this. My question is this. If
you were diagnosed with terminal cancer, do you know FOR SURE that you are going to Heaven? If you can't say yes for sure, then you are probably not. That leaves only one other peace to go. HELL! I know lots of people joke about hell but it is no joking matter. It is a matter of being in torment forever. Years ago, I had a vision of a man burning in hell. It was horrible. To be honest, one thing that kept me going all these years is fear of doing, or not doing, something that would send me to hell.
If you want to become born-again and be absolutely sure you will go to heaven when you die, pray something like this: Heavenly Father.I humbly come to you acknowledging that I am a sinner. But, Father, Jesus died on the cross to take away my sins and give me a brand new life. So I am asking you, Lord Jesus, please forgive me of my sins. Amen.
If you prayed that prayer and really meant it, you are saved. When I was saved, it felt as if a heavy load was lifted off my shoulders. Some people, though, apparently don't feel anything. One indication of a genuine salvation is a desire to read the Bible. So get yourself a Bible and read, read, read. But start with the New Testament or you will probably get bogged down. Another thing that you should do is is start attending a good Bible-based church. I go to a Victory church but I have born-again friends who attend Pentecostal, Baptist or Alliance churches.
One last thing. Please pray for me as I go through my cancer journey.
Tuesday, 2 August 2016
Blessed Jesus
Blessed Jesus-I didn't have a clue what to write about in my weekly blog. I
really don't feel I need, or want, to write more about the cancer. At least,
not at this time. Unfortunately, though, the cancer occupies most of my
thoughts right now. I was puttering away on my computer one morning and
listening to music when the song "Blessed Jesus" started playing. It struck me
that I could write about how blessed MY Jesus is.
The most important way that my Jesus is blessed is for the salvation that He
has provided through His death on the cross. It is totally incredible. I can
endure anything that life throws at me because I know that I am not going to
hell but will have eternal life in Heaven. Eternal life. My finite mind
can't really grasp it. But it is enough to know that it is coming and it
will be wonderful.
My Jesus is also blessed because He heals. He is the Great Physician. Human
doctors today can do a lot to help sick people but they can't heal
everything. Only Jesus can cure every sickness in this world. I haven't had
any major healings from Jesus YET but I have had enough minor ones to know
that it is just a matter of time.
My Jesus is blessed because He loves me. ALL the time. Not just when I
act like a "good" Christian should be acting. Sometimes when my emotions
are running wild, I don't feel like anybody loves me, even though I know it
is not true. It is comforting to know that Jesus does even when I don't feel
like anybody else does. How do I know that? The Bible tells me so and I
believe the Bible.
My Jesus is blessed because He is my friend. I don't have a lot of human
friends, largely, I suspect, because of the difficulty in communication. It
means that I spend a lot of time alone. That is ok though,as it gives me
more time to spend with my Best Friend. And I can speak with Him without
using words!
My Jesus is blessed because He protects me. I know I am safe from harm because of my Strong Protector. Because I am in Long-term Care, I know I am not exposed to a lot of harmful situations that other people are. But, if I was, I know I would be protected by my Jesus. Actually, I see my being in Long-term Care as a way Jesus is protecting me from a lot of the difficulties "out there".
My Jesus is blessed because I always have hope in Him. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is impossible to Him so there is always hope for a better life in this world, no matter what anybody says. And that goes for everyone. Sometimes, somebody will tell me that there is no hope for them. To which I simply reply that there is hope for everybody. It is true. However, the hope I most cherish is my hope of Heaven. It is not the kind of hope where you are not really sure you will get it. Rather it is the kind of hope where you know you have it but you don't have it yet.
My Jesus is blessed because He has given me peace and joy. If I lose them, even temporarily, it is my fault, not His. Usually because I start thinking about things that don't make for peace and joy. But they always come back. At times, though, I have to force myself to start thinking about things that make for peace and joy.
There are a myriad of reasons why He is my "Blessed Jesus". Many times, I have asked Jesus what I would do without Him.
*** Thank you for your prayers. Please continue.
not at this time. Unfortunately, though, the cancer occupies most of my
thoughts right now. I was puttering away on my computer one morning and
listening to music when the song "Blessed Jesus" started playing. It struck me
that I could write about how blessed MY Jesus is.
The most important way that my Jesus is blessed is for the salvation that He
has provided through His death on the cross. It is totally incredible. I can
endure anything that life throws at me because I know that I am not going to
hell but will have eternal life in Heaven. Eternal life. My finite mind
can't really grasp it. But it is enough to know that it is coming and it
will be wonderful.
My Jesus is also blessed because He heals. He is the Great Physician. Human
doctors today can do a lot to help sick people but they can't heal
everything. Only Jesus can cure every sickness in this world. I haven't had
any major healings from Jesus YET but I have had enough minor ones to know
that it is just a matter of time.
My Jesus is blessed because He loves me. ALL the time. Not just when I
act like a "good" Christian should be acting. Sometimes when my emotions
are running wild, I don't feel like anybody loves me, even though I know it
is not true. It is comforting to know that Jesus does even when I don't feel
like anybody else does. How do I know that? The Bible tells me so and I
believe the Bible.
My Jesus is blessed because He is my friend. I don't have a lot of human
friends, largely, I suspect, because of the difficulty in communication. It
means that I spend a lot of time alone. That is ok though,as it gives me
more time to spend with my Best Friend. And I can speak with Him without
using words!
My Jesus is blessed because He protects me. I know I am safe from harm because of my Strong Protector. Because I am in Long-term Care, I know I am not exposed to a lot of harmful situations that other people are. But, if I was, I know I would be protected by my Jesus. Actually, I see my being in Long-term Care as a way Jesus is protecting me from a lot of the difficulties "out there".
My Jesus is blessed because I always have hope in Him. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is impossible to Him so there is always hope for a better life in this world, no matter what anybody says. And that goes for everyone. Sometimes, somebody will tell me that there is no hope for them. To which I simply reply that there is hope for everybody. It is true. However, the hope I most cherish is my hope of Heaven. It is not the kind of hope where you are not really sure you will get it. Rather it is the kind of hope where you know you have it but you don't have it yet.
My Jesus is blessed because He has given me peace and joy. If I lose them, even temporarily, it is my fault, not His. Usually because I start thinking about things that don't make for peace and joy. But they always come back. At times, though, I have to force myself to start thinking about things that make for peace and joy.
There are a myriad of reasons why He is my "Blessed Jesus". Many times, I have asked Jesus what I would do without Him.
*** Thank you for your prayers. Please continue.
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