Trust Me-I would be lying not to admit that this is a difficult time for me.
Especially emotionally. One day, I felt the Lord was saying to me, "Trust
Me". I am clinging to those two words. Why can I trust Jesus?
I can trust Jesus because He is reliable. He does what He says all of the
time. I expect ,though , that we humans often miss it because, most times,
it isn't going to be the way or in the time that we think it should be.
There are some people who can be relied on and those are the ones we put our
trust in, aren't they?
I can trust Jesus because He is good. 100% good 100% of the time. So,
whatever He allows in our lives, we know that He has a good motive and it
will all work out for our best in the long run. I am sure that we all know
people who we would label as "good". In reality, though, I wonder if there
is such a thing as a human who is 100% good 100% of the time.
I can trust Jesus because He is honest. I can believe anything that Jesus
says about me simply because Jesus is God and God doesn't lie. But Jesus is
also honest in that, if these is something in our life that needs
correcting, He will let us know. Not like some people who do nothing but
flatter. For me, personally, I would rather have a person honest enough to
point out my shortcomings than one who flatters all the time or who says
nothing when I need a "kick in the pants". Mind you, I don't want to hear
criticism all the time, either.
I can trust Jesus because He is effective. He succeeds at whatever He does.
Jesus simply doesn't know how to fail. I know that there are people who seem
to succeed at whatever they do but, for most of us, it seems to be more of a
sometime deal. Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we don't.
I can trust Jesus because He has godly character. I mean, Jesus is God so
how can He not have godly character? If I need mercy, He is full of mercy. If I need kindness, He is full of kindness. If I need gentleness, He is gentle with me. And so on and on. Of course, there are people with godly character but I don't think they can outdo Jesus in that department!
I can trust Jesus because He has integrity. He and His standards are morally upright. This is in stark contrast to a corrupt world where there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of integrity. While I know that there are people in this world with integrity, the number seems to be declining more and more with the passing of time.
I can trust Jesus because He is strong. The Bible says that nothing is impossible to God so, if Jesus is God, nothing is impossible Jesus as well. So I know that He could blow me out of this place anytime He wants to. And it is, right now,it is comforting to me to know that He can take this cancer out of me anytime He wants. There are strong people in this world but none that even begin to compare to Jesus.
I can trust Jesus because of who He is and how faithful He is. I have been at this long enough to have experienced His faithfulness over and over. In fact, if it wasn't for His faithfulness, there is a good chance that I wouldn't even be here anymore. I know I really appreciate people who are faithful so how much more do I trust in the faithfulness of Jesus.
So, in the midst of another storm, I am doing my best to hang to my trust in Jesus. Everytime I start to panic because of the cancer, I force myself to think of those two words, "Trust Me".
Me
At the beloved/hated writing vessel
Tuesday, 31 May 2016
Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Childhood Memories
Childhood Memories-This is not an inspirational blog by any means . One
night when I couldn't sleep, some childhood memories came back to me and I
thought it might be kind of fun just to write some of them down. Besides,
recently, sister Verna, who I hadn't seen in years,was able to come to Cold
Lake. We had a good time remembering incidents from our days as children.
Because we lived in the country and there was nobody else to play with, we
played with each other. Verna is only two years older than me so we were
best friends.
This is one incident that we both remembered. I guess that I was around 10.
Most barns have kind of a rounded roof but the one we had had a peaked roof.
One day, I climbed to the very top and was sitting on the edge looking down at
my mother who was milking the cow. When she saw me, she squeezed too hard
and the cow kicked. She told me to get down but I really didn't understand
why she was upset.
I grew up in an environment that was conducive to me being a tomboy. I did
have dolls but I didn't always play with them the way most little girls play
with their dolls. Verna and I used to play a game that we called "Doll
Ambulance". Our house was at the bottom of a small hill so Verna and I would
go to the top of the hill with all my dolls in my doll carriage. Then we
would let it go and watch while it crashed and the dolls went flying all
over. Sometimes we would hang them from the clothesline by their necks and swing them. At times, the head would come off a doll.
I know that I mentioned in a previous blog how we used to catch frogs while
Mom rested and watched us. I don't remember but Verna mentioned once when a
frog jumped in Mom's face. At times, we would slide our hand under the frog
and carry it to show Mom. That is when it must have happened.
Then there was the time that we ran away on the horse. Except we really did mean to go home sometime. My two older sisters each had their own horse but Verna and I had to share one. So we took sitting in the saddle and "steering" the horse while the other one sat behind. One day, we went for a ride and just kept riding and riding. Finally, Dad came looking for us in the car. I don't remember but I don't imagine he was too happy about having to leave his work to look for us.
When Verna was here recently she said that I was the daredevil of the two of us. I never thought of myself as a daredevil but I do know that I had "ants in my pants" and wanted to always be doing something.. Verna reminded me of how, when she wanted to read or do something quiet, I would often tell Mom to make Verna play with me.
Even after we moved to Medicine Hat and had other friends, Verna and I spent a lot of time together. We used to spend hours together downtown. I have no idea what we did as we never had much money to spend. We also used to go together to a lot of hockey and baseball games.
I have no idea why I wrote this but it helped to take my mind off the horrid things I am facing. Sometimes I think that's the best thing I can do for myself or others can do for me. Anything to take my mind off the nasty circumstances in my life.
night when I couldn't sleep, some childhood memories came back to me and I
thought it might be kind of fun just to write some of them down. Besides,
recently, sister Verna, who I hadn't seen in years,was able to come to Cold
Lake. We had a good time remembering incidents from our days as children.
Because we lived in the country and there was nobody else to play with, we
played with each other. Verna is only two years older than me so we were
best friends.
This is one incident that we both remembered. I guess that I was around 10.
Most barns have kind of a rounded roof but the one we had had a peaked roof.
One day, I climbed to the very top and was sitting on the edge looking down at
my mother who was milking the cow. When she saw me, she squeezed too hard
and the cow kicked. She told me to get down but I really didn't understand
why she was upset.
I grew up in an environment that was conducive to me being a tomboy. I did
have dolls but I didn't always play with them the way most little girls play
with their dolls. Verna and I used to play a game that we called "Doll
Ambulance". Our house was at the bottom of a small hill so Verna and I would
go to the top of the hill with all my dolls in my doll carriage. Then we
would let it go and watch while it crashed and the dolls went flying all
over. Sometimes we would hang them from the clothesline by their necks and swing them. At times, the head would come off a doll.
I know that I mentioned in a previous blog how we used to catch frogs while
Mom rested and watched us. I don't remember but Verna mentioned once when a
frog jumped in Mom's face. At times, we would slide our hand under the frog
and carry it to show Mom. That is when it must have happened.
Then there was the time that we ran away on the horse. Except we really did mean to go home sometime. My two older sisters each had their own horse but Verna and I had to share one. So we took sitting in the saddle and "steering" the horse while the other one sat behind. One day, we went for a ride and just kept riding and riding. Finally, Dad came looking for us in the car. I don't remember but I don't imagine he was too happy about having to leave his work to look for us.
When Verna was here recently she said that I was the daredevil of the two of us. I never thought of myself as a daredevil but I do know that I had "ants in my pants" and wanted to always be doing something.. Verna reminded me of how, when she wanted to read or do something quiet, I would often tell Mom to make Verna play with me.
Even after we moved to Medicine Hat and had other friends, Verna and I spent a lot of time together. We used to spend hours together downtown. I have no idea what we did as we never had much money to spend. We also used to go together to a lot of hockey and baseball games.
I have no idea why I wrote this but it helped to take my mind off the horrid things I am facing. Sometimes I think that's the best thing I can do for myself or others can do for me. Anything to take my mind off the nasty circumstances in my life.
Wednesday, 18 May 2016
Past Present Future Jesus
Past, Present, Future-One night when I couldn't sleep, the scripture that
says that Jesus is the same is yesterday, today and forever. It
started me thinking about the role Jesus has played in my life in the past,
is playing at present and will play in the future.
Jesus in my past-When I was a child, Jesus was part of my life but pretty
much on a "Sunday only" basis. I did go to church and Sunday school but
didn't give Him much of a thought during the week. Then, from the time I was
13 until the stroke, I had no interest in Jesus whatsoever. After the stroke
and the complications that made it appear like I would never recover, I did
try to believe in Jesus and that He could heal me but it was just head
knowledge without any faith at all. However, once I became a born-again
Christian, that all changed. Jesus became, and still is the most important
person in my life. No, my promised healing has not YET materialized but,
over the years, Jesus has been my best friend. When I feel lonely and need
somebody to talk to, He is always there to talk to. When I am crying and
need comforting, He and the Holy Spirit are right there. Nothing is as
soothing as feeling the presence of MY Lord. When I am bored and don't know
what to do, I often just read the Bible and then I am not bored. And,
occasionally, He rebukes me like any good friend.
Jesus in my present-So that is pretty much how things stand right now.
Except, in March, I was presented with an additional challenge. Breast
cancer. The way I am trying to cope with it is by continuing to tell myself
that my life is controlled by Jesus, not cancer and doctors. Though I
welcome any help that the doctors can give me. That doesn't mean that I
don't have weepy moments. I do but, hopefully, they don't last too long. As
I write this, I am still waiting for a definitive treatment plan for the
cancer. The waiting is hard as I have always been the kind of person who,
when I have to do something that I really don't want to do, likes to do it
as soon as possible and get it over with. If I wasn't a born-again
Christian, the waiting would probably be starting to upset me but, as it is,
I figure that it is all part God's plan for my life. I would be lying, though, if I didn't admit that I sometimes do let it upset me.
Jesus in my future- I do believe I will have a future on this earth. I have no idea when or how my healing will manifest in my life but it will. Only, when it does, I have no idea where I will be living or what I will be doing. The only thing I do know that, after what I have been through, I can't see myself ever not having Jesus as a big part of my life. But there is one thing about my future that I do know. When I die and go to Heaven, I may not know what to expect but I know enough to except a LOT of Jesus.
When I look back on my life, I see that, aside from the years before the stroke, Jesus has been a major, and I mean major, part of my life. And I know He will be forever and ever, both in my remaining years here on earth and my eternal years in Heaven.
* please continue to pray for me regarding the breast cancer.
says that Jesus is the same is yesterday, today and forever. It
started me thinking about the role Jesus has played in my life in the past,
is playing at present and will play in the future.
Jesus in my past-When I was a child, Jesus was part of my life but pretty
much on a "Sunday only" basis. I did go to church and Sunday school but
didn't give Him much of a thought during the week. Then, from the time I was
13 until the stroke, I had no interest in Jesus whatsoever. After the stroke
and the complications that made it appear like I would never recover, I did
try to believe in Jesus and that He could heal me but it was just head
knowledge without any faith at all. However, once I became a born-again
Christian, that all changed. Jesus became, and still is the most important
person in my life. No, my promised healing has not YET materialized but,
over the years, Jesus has been my best friend. When I feel lonely and need
somebody to talk to, He is always there to talk to. When I am crying and
need comforting, He and the Holy Spirit are right there. Nothing is as
soothing as feeling the presence of MY Lord. When I am bored and don't know
what to do, I often just read the Bible and then I am not bored. And,
occasionally, He rebukes me like any good friend.
Jesus in my present-So that is pretty much how things stand right now.
Except, in March, I was presented with an additional challenge. Breast
cancer. The way I am trying to cope with it is by continuing to tell myself
that my life is controlled by Jesus, not cancer and doctors. Though I
welcome any help that the doctors can give me. That doesn't mean that I
don't have weepy moments. I do but, hopefully, they don't last too long. As
I write this, I am still waiting for a definitive treatment plan for the
cancer. The waiting is hard as I have always been the kind of person who,
when I have to do something that I really don't want to do, likes to do it
as soon as possible and get it over with. If I wasn't a born-again
Christian, the waiting would probably be starting to upset me but, as it is,
I figure that it is all part God's plan for my life. I would be lying, though, if I didn't admit that I sometimes do let it upset me.
Jesus in my future- I do believe I will have a future on this earth. I have no idea when or how my healing will manifest in my life but it will. Only, when it does, I have no idea where I will be living or what I will be doing. The only thing I do know that, after what I have been through, I can't see myself ever not having Jesus as a big part of my life. But there is one thing about my future that I do know. When I die and go to Heaven, I may not know what to expect but I know enough to except a LOT of Jesus.
When I look back on my life, I see that, aside from the years before the stroke, Jesus has been a major, and I mean major, part of my life. And I know He will be forever and ever, both in my remaining years here on earth and my eternal years in Heaven.
* please continue to pray for me regarding the breast cancer.
Tuesday, 10 May 2016
Hope
Hope-One thing that has kept me in the game all these years is hope.
Actually, it very well may be the main thing. One definition that I read
said that hope is "cherishing a desire with anticipation". I like that so I
will be using it as a basis for this blog.
The first hope is something, as Christians, we all share. And that is the
hope, after we die, of going to Heaven and living with Jesus forever. If
that isn't a cherished desire, I don't know what is. None of us really know
what to expect but we do that it will be amazingly incredible. I assume all
Christians are looking forward to Heaven with anticipation. I know I sure
am!
Until then, though, I have hope for healing while I am still on earth. It is
my greatest hope, that is except for going to Heaven. That hope has gotten
me through some really difficult times in the past and through the seemingly
endless years. And that hope is helping to carry me through a current
situation that is far from easy. It is definitely a cherished desire that I
have waited for with anticipation for a lot of years.
Along with my healing will come a couple of things that I hope and eagerly wait for. The first is being able to talk. Over the years, I don't think anything has frustrated me as often
as my inability to speak. True, I have the speech board but it takes so long and it is so hard to make people understand what I am trying to say that I mostly just use it when I need something or with people who I know are proficient with it. So, being able to speak freely is one of my most cherished desires. Only, once I start talking, I will probably never stop! The other hope I have is of being able to do things like other people. Getting outside, moving around and travelling.
I also have a cherished desire that my healing will result in a lot of
permanent salvations. Unfortunately, I am a bit skeptical about that
happening. Depending how my healing comes about, I think that it is possible
that a lot of people may turn to God. But getting them to stay turned to God
may be another thing. People tend to get caught up with their own lives
On a personal note, one of my most cherished desires is to see my two adult children become Christians. I have even tried to bargain with God, never a good thing, that I am willing to stay the way I am in order to see them become born-again Christians. Right now, it doesn't look too promising but it is coming. That is one thing that I eagerly look forward to.
In addition to my children, there are others that I am praying for and cherish a hope that they will turn to God and become Christians. This group of people include both my three sisters and the nurses.
Ultimately, my hope is in God. What He wants and wills for my life. If I keep my cherished desire in God, I can wait with anticipation for what the future holds.
Actually, it very well may be the main thing. One definition that I read
said that hope is "cherishing a desire with anticipation". I like that so I
will be using it as a basis for this blog.
The first hope is something, as Christians, we all share. And that is the
hope, after we die, of going to Heaven and living with Jesus forever. If
that isn't a cherished desire, I don't know what is. None of us really know
what to expect but we do that it will be amazingly incredible. I assume all
Christians are looking forward to Heaven with anticipation. I know I sure
am!
Until then, though, I have hope for healing while I am still on earth. It is
my greatest hope, that is except for going to Heaven. That hope has gotten
me through some really difficult times in the past and through the seemingly
endless years. And that hope is helping to carry me through a current
situation that is far from easy. It is definitely a cherished desire that I
have waited for with anticipation for a lot of years.
Along with my healing will come a couple of things that I hope and eagerly wait for. The first is being able to talk. Over the years, I don't think anything has frustrated me as often
as my inability to speak. True, I have the speech board but it takes so long and it is so hard to make people understand what I am trying to say that I mostly just use it when I need something or with people who I know are proficient with it. So, being able to speak freely is one of my most cherished desires. Only, once I start talking, I will probably never stop! The other hope I have is of being able to do things like other people. Getting outside, moving around and travelling.
I also have a cherished desire that my healing will result in a lot of
permanent salvations. Unfortunately, I am a bit skeptical about that
happening. Depending how my healing comes about, I think that it is possible
that a lot of people may turn to God. But getting them to stay turned to God
may be another thing. People tend to get caught up with their own lives
On a personal note, one of my most cherished desires is to see my two adult children become Christians. I have even tried to bargain with God, never a good thing, that I am willing to stay the way I am in order to see them become born-again Christians. Right now, it doesn't look too promising but it is coming. That is one thing that I eagerly look forward to.
In addition to my children, there are others that I am praying for and cherish a hope that they will turn to God and become Christians. This group of people include both my three sisters and the nurses.
Ultimately, my hope is in God. What He wants and wills for my life. If I keep my cherished desire in God, I can wait with anticipation for what the future holds.
Tuesday, 3 May 2016
Praise God For
Praise God For-I feel that my blog last time was probably not too uplifting
because I revealed the diagnosis of cancer. This time, I am going to share
some of the things that I praise God for in the midst of all my "yucky"
circumstances.
First, and foremost, I praise God for salvation. It is so comforting to know
that, no matter what happens to me in this life, I will be going to Heaven
after I die and that will more than make up for any suffering I am presently
enduring. I admit that I am so afraid of going to hell that I will put up
with anything in this life to make sure I don't go there.
I praise God for my eyesight. I use my eyes a LOT. To use my computer, to
use my speech board and, a lot of times, when I want something, I merely
look at what I want. Every so often, I try to to imagine what life would
like for me if I were blind on top of everything else. The conclusion that
I always come up with is, "I really don't want to think about it! " But
these imaginings do make me praise God for my eyesight.
I praise God for my hearing. I can listen to good Christian music, both here
and at church. I can hear uplifting sermons, both at church or on tv or
online. When people talk to me, I can understand what they are saying. I
also listen to conversations going on around me. I don't always hear godly
things but, then, I figure, it is my own fault for listening! Sometimes, the
wax builds up in my ears and I can't hear much. After they are cleaned out,
I praise God for my hearing.
I praise God for my sharp mind. After the stroke, I don't have much left that
I had before but I do have a perfectly clear mind. Stands me in good stead
in a lot of ways, including writing these blogs. Of course, I would prefer
to have both a sound mind and sound body. However, if I had to chose, I
would prefer to be just as I am. Good mind in a malfunctioning body. Most
times, anyway.
I praise God for taste buds that work. One of the pleasures in my present
circumstances is eating. Especially when it is not hospital food. The
hospital food is, for the most part, not bad and it is certainly better than
many people in this world have to eat. Still, a change is always a treat for
me. Only, can you imagine getting good food and not being able to taste it?
I praise God for Canada. We have so much in this country. At times, I wonder what would have happened if I had had the stroke in a less developed country. But that is something I really don't want to think about. I just praise God for our wonderful country.
Praise God for friends. Especially for the ones that spend time with me and do things for me that I can't do for myself. But I also praise God for all the people who are praying for me, both for my ultimate healing and, now, because of the cancer. I know how very, very important prayer is. So, I say, let's keep bombarding God with prayer until things change.
Praise God for grandkids. At times, even though I am a Christian, things can start to look pretty dark. But, seeing their sunny smiles and having them climb all over me, helps to restore the light into my life.
Praise God for the nurses. They have had to put up with a lot of emotional turbulence from me over the years. Not only have they been good caregivers, they have also been friends and confidantes.
So, in the midst of BAD circumstances, I still have plenty to praise God for. No doubt, I could think of more but you get the picture.
because I revealed the diagnosis of cancer. This time, I am going to share
some of the things that I praise God for in the midst of all my "yucky"
circumstances.
First, and foremost, I praise God for salvation. It is so comforting to know
that, no matter what happens to me in this life, I will be going to Heaven
after I die and that will more than make up for any suffering I am presently
enduring. I admit that I am so afraid of going to hell that I will put up
with anything in this life to make sure I don't go there.
I praise God for my eyesight. I use my eyes a LOT. To use my computer, to
use my speech board and, a lot of times, when I want something, I merely
look at what I want. Every so often, I try to to imagine what life would
like for me if I were blind on top of everything else. The conclusion that
I always come up with is, "I really don't want to think about it! " But
these imaginings do make me praise God for my eyesight.
I praise God for my hearing. I can listen to good Christian music, both here
and at church. I can hear uplifting sermons, both at church or on tv or
online. When people talk to me, I can understand what they are saying. I
also listen to conversations going on around me. I don't always hear godly
things but, then, I figure, it is my own fault for listening! Sometimes, the
wax builds up in my ears and I can't hear much. After they are cleaned out,
I praise God for my hearing.
I praise God for my sharp mind. After the stroke, I don't have much left that
I had before but I do have a perfectly clear mind. Stands me in good stead
in a lot of ways, including writing these blogs. Of course, I would prefer
to have both a sound mind and sound body. However, if I had to chose, I
would prefer to be just as I am. Good mind in a malfunctioning body. Most
times, anyway.
I praise God for taste buds that work. One of the pleasures in my present
circumstances is eating. Especially when it is not hospital food. The
hospital food is, for the most part, not bad and it is certainly better than
many people in this world have to eat. Still, a change is always a treat for
me. Only, can you imagine getting good food and not being able to taste it?
I praise God for Canada. We have so much in this country. At times, I wonder what would have happened if I had had the stroke in a less developed country. But that is something I really don't want to think about. I just praise God for our wonderful country.
Praise God for friends. Especially for the ones that spend time with me and do things for me that I can't do for myself. But I also praise God for all the people who are praying for me, both for my ultimate healing and, now, because of the cancer. I know how very, very important prayer is. So, I say, let's keep bombarding God with prayer until things change.
Praise God for grandkids. At times, even though I am a Christian, things can start to look pretty dark. But, seeing their sunny smiles and having them climb all over me, helps to restore the light into my life.
Praise God for the nurses. They have had to put up with a lot of emotional turbulence from me over the years. Not only have they been good caregivers, they have also been friends and confidantes.
So, in the midst of BAD circumstances, I still have plenty to praise God for. No doubt, I could think of more but you get the picture.
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