The "P" Words

My "P" Words-One afternoon, I was lying in bed and idly wondering what I
world write in my next blog. Two words popped into my mind. Peace and
praise,. Two important components of my life right now. That started me
thinking of other "p" words that are part of my life at the moment.

Peace is, or should be, a constant part of my life right now. God's peace. A
inner serenity because, no matter what is going on, God is in control and He
will work things out for my best interests. Sometimes, though, I lose that
peace and start to feel agitated and unsettled. When I start to feel like
that, I know my focus has gotten off of God and it time for me to refocus .
The good news is that, when I do, the peace comes back.

Praise, oh how I need to praise God right now. Not because He has made my
circumstances so wonderful, for the most part the opposite is true, but
because He deserves it ALL the time and it is for my own good. If I stop
praising God, I find myself, more and more, getting depressed and starting
to feel sorry for myself.

Prayer is a major part of my life every day. Not so much formal prayer,
though I do set aside a specific time everyday to pray for different people
and situations. However, I mostly just talk to God, in my mind, all day
long. It is a habit that I have gotten into and is something that I can do
anytime, anywhere.

I am clinging to the promises of God right now. The only way I know the
promises that God made is by knowing what the Bible says. So I spend lots of
time reading and studying the Bible. Over the years, I have pretty much
memorized all the healing promises and, now that I have been diagnosed with
cancer, I am using them  to stand against that as well. The Bible has many
other promises from God but I must admit that I have concentrated primarily
on the healing promises because that is what I need most right now. Primarily, but not exclusively.

I love tangible presence of God. Yes, I know that He is with me all the time, whether I can feel Him or not. But it is still nice to feel to His presence. I often feel it when I am at church where the focus is on God. And I quite often feel it I am just lying in bed and listening to Christian music. Again,when my focus is solely on God. But there are also times that I am crying and upset and not at all focused on God. I even feel the presence of God at those times. Kind of like a Holy hug!

However, there are also some "p" words in my life that I am not so crazy about. In our busy, want it now world, patience is not a popular word. But God seems to think that, if we want something badly enough, we will be willing to wait for it. With patience. Over the years, I have had to develop patience as there is a whole lot of waiting in my life.

Another word that I am not crazy about is pruning. I have never been a gardener but I understand that pruning is when they cut the plant to make it grow better. Similarly, God prunes us. He asks us to give up things or attitudes to make us more like Him. And that doesn't feel too good.

My final "p" word is plod. When I was first saved, I expected a miracle to happen at any minute and I would be the same as before the stroke. Instantaneous miracles do happen but not always. And not for me. Instead, I have had to plod through years of discomfort and frustration while still not giving up hope.

And so I am still plodding along. And still believing. As I was writing this, I realized how important these "p" words, even the ones I don't really like, have been in keeping me going and not giving up. 

An Attitude of Gratitude

An Attitude Of Gratitude-The reason I am writing this is of something I
read. In the article, the author mentioned that she kept a "gratitude
journal". In it, she would write 5 things to thankful for each and every
day. All along, at the end of each day, I have made a point of thinking of
at least one thing that happened that day to be thankful for. However, after
reading that article, I decided to increase it to 5. Some days, I have to really think to
come up with just one specific thing to b thankful for, much less 5. But
there are some things that I can always be thankful for, no matter how bad
the day has been.

One thing I can always be thankful for is that God sent Jesus into the
world. Because of His death on the cross, and because I am a born-again
Christian, I will be going to Heaven after I die and living with Jesus
forever and ever. And I am thankful for that incredible love for me that
never changes. Not even on my most "unlovable" days. If I had nothing else
to be thankful for, that is more than enough!

Since being diagnosed with cancer, I have been thankful for each day that I
feel pretty good. Never having had cancer, I have no idea how I should be
feeling but, at least so far, it hasn't been bad.

I am also very thankful that God had me born in a peaceful, prosperous
country like Canada. I have occasionally wondered where I would have been if
I had been living in an underdeveloped nation at the time of the stroke. My
guess is that I never would have survived. Anyway I  feel very blessed to
live in this country.

I am extremely thankful for my computer. It is pretty much my life right now and, if it is not working, I am lost. I use it to read, the Bible and other things, communicate with people, write these blogs and watch tv.

I am also always thankful to get a visitor. My life is very hum-drum and visitors brighten up my day. Not only do visitors pass the time more quickly for me, they take my mind off of all the difficult circumstances that I am facing. For awhile anyway. It is a real treat when I actually get to have a conversation with somebody. But I enjoy it just as much when people just come and read to me.

I am also always thankful for any time I get out of Long-term Care. I enjoy all the times I get to go to church. It refreshes me and strengthens me to face what I have to face on a daily basis. But I am also thankful for any other outings that I get to have. The only problem with outings is that they always pass by too quickly and, before I know it, I am back in Long-term Care and my monotonous life.

The final thing that I want to mention that I am always thankful for is when somebody, nurse or friend, gives me a little treat to eat or drink. The food here is far from terrible but they don't provide the extras like a Tim Horton's coffee or a doughnut or, at times, homemade food or baking. It brightens my day when people bless me like that.

An attitude of gratitude is something we all need to cultivate. For me, if I am not thankful for what I do have, even the little things, l start looking at all I don't have and wind up feeling sorry for myself. 

Happy Thoughts About Christmas

Happy Thoughts About Christmas-Ever since I had the stroke, emotionally,
Christmas has been a difficult time for me. This Christmas is no different.
After a couple of dreary, depressed days, I decided that I was being ridiculous.
So I made up mind to focus on happy thoughts about Christmas instead of
thinking about all I am missing out on. That may not entirely eliminate my
spells of depression but I am sure that it will lessen the frequency of
them.

The most happy thought about Christmas is that God sent Jesus into the world
and, because of His eventual deaths on the cross, I am going to Heaven after
I die to live with him forever. That puts things in perspective for me. Yes,
I am missing out on some things now but, in Heaven. When I let myself get
depressed, it is because I have stopped thinking about what really matters
about Christmas.

Another happy thought I have about Christmas is the music. I love Christmas
music, especially songs that point to Jesus. My favorites are the old
carols. I enjoy most of the newer songs about Jesus but there is just
something about the old carols. Whether new or old, though , in the afternoon
while resting in bed, I like to listen to the lyrics that talk about the
birth of Jesus. Most of the time, they keep Christmas in proper perspective
for me.

Another happy thought about Christmas is the decorations. To me, they help to put
the merry in "Merry Christmas". Christmas decorations are so cheery. I
always have a few decorations plus a small tree in my room. This year, my little "adopted" granddaughter, 5, helped
decorate. Seeing her excitement really blessed me. Christmas is about Jesus
but it is also about small children.

Another happy thought about Christmas is the gifts. I may be a grandma but I still look forward to getting gifts. (who doesn't?) Now, though, what is inside the gift isn't as important as just being remembered, either though a gift or card. Of course, right now, I can't open my own gifts but, for that, I have my dear little "adopted" grandchildren.

Another happy thought about Christmas is the food. Especially if it is not hospital food. I really enjoy Christmas baking. People make such yummy things. Fortunately, I usually don't get too much or I wouldn't fit in my wheelchair! Oh, and I can't forget about the chocolate. I love chocolate and usually get a lot of it as gifts. The good thing is that I now have my "adopted" family to share it with me.

The last happy thought about Christmas is friends. One thing that, since the stroke, has always been hard on me is knowing that Christmas is such a family time but not being able to spend time with my family. However, I have wonderful friends who make Christmas as nice for me as possible. Thinking of all the Christmases in Long-term Care, there has only been one year that I remember that I didn't have somebody to spend at least part of Christmas with me. Sometimes they have come to Long-term Care to open gifts or, other times, I have been able to go to their place. It may not be the same as family but it is a mighty good second!

As I was writing this, I realized that whether or not I am depressed at Christmas is really up me. No doubt, depressing thoughts will come to me but it is up to me to kick them out and replace them with happy thoughts about Christmas, 

Summing up my Life

Summing Up My Life-Those of you who have been reading my blogs all along ,
please bear with me as a lot of this is sure to be repetitious. The morning
that I was going to start writing this blog, I was toying with another topic
when this title popped into my head. I guess we will see where it goes.

I was born on April 15, 1950 in Medicine Hat. In southern Alberta. I was the
youngest of 4 girls. So, obviously, by the time I was born, my parents
really, really wanted a boy. I still remember my mother saying to me that
she wasn't excited about my birth because she knew that I would be another
stinking girl. It was only a couple of years ago that it dawned on me that
she must have been joking. I carried the hurt of those words for a lot of
years simply because children take everything so literally.

The next 11 years of my life were spent on a farm/small ranch 50 miles south
of Medicine Hat. I treasure the memory of those years. We had no electricity, no
indoor plumbing and I rode horseback to a one-room school so it was a much
simpler way of life for a child. At least, in a developed country.

When I was 11, we moved to Medicine Hat and the transition from a country
bumpkin to a "normal" person began. We now had electricity, an indoor toilet
that flushed and I went to school with more than 2 or 3 kids in my grade.
Probably because of my "country bumpkin" background, I remained quiet and
shy all through school. I was, and still am, a bit of a bookworm.

After finishing high school in Medicine Hat, I attended the university of
Lethbridge, planning to becoming a teacher. I came out of my shell at
university and did some goofy things, like most university students do, but
I also took my studies seriously. I had to pay my own way through university
so I didn't dare fool around too much.

I graduated from university in the spring of 1972 but I didn't get a
fulltime teaching position until January of 1973. In the meantime, I did
substitute teaching in Medicine Hat. How ended up teaching in a place that
I had never heard of (Cold Lake) is rather interesting but I mentioned it in
a previous blog. I taught for ten years, all in Cold Lake. Those were pretty
routine years during which I got married and had a couple of kids.


However, on July 24, 1983, my routine world crashing down when, at the ripe
old age of 33, I had a brain stem stroke. I went from being a normal 33 year
old to a 33 year old who could no longer talk, walk or move. There was optimism that I would learn to walk and talk again. That is until I had what I call, for lack of a better word, the complication.

But then came the best day in my life. In September of 1985 I became a born-again Christian. I again had hope, and still do, of a full recovery. I just didn't know it would take so long. Through the long frustrating years of waiting, I can honestly say that I never lost that hope.

In March of this year, a new wrinkle was added to my life. I was diagnosed with cancer. After getting over the initial shock and emotional outburst, I have, for the most part, chosen to view it as merely one more thing that God will heal. The cancer has been good in that it has driven me even closer to God. Whenever I start to panic or feel discouraged, I run to the Bible and get encouragement-a from His words.

So here I am. I can't walk, I can't talk and have cancer. What comes next? I have no idea. All I can do is take one day at a time, trust God and be thankful for each day that I feel pretty good. 

The Can And Can't Do Things In My Life

-When I get frustrated, which happens
quite often, I often tell God that I can't do anything. Or so it seems at
the moment. When I am calmer, I realize that there are things that I can do
and I need to be grateful for them. I will mention some of them later in
this blog but, first, I want to briefly mention some things that I,
obviously, can't do.

I can't move, except for my head. Even that is not freely because my neck is
so stiff and sore. And, because I can't move, somebody else has to do
everything for me. Wash me, dress me, feed me, etc. And I can't work and
earn my own money (though I would be retired by now) I can't even use my
computer like other people use a computer. I have to operate it with my
head. If I want to write something, I have to bop out each letter with my
head which is extremely time-consuming.

However, the very most frustrating thing for me has to be my inability to
speak. Yes, I have the speech board but it is too slow and tedious to have
much of a conversation with most people. Most times, even though I would
like take part in conversations, it is less frustrating for me to,just sit
and listen.

But one thing I have learned throughout this ordeal is to put my focus on
the positive or I will end up depressed. With this in mind, I have chosen to
list some things that I can do. I can see. For me, that is a big deal as I use my eyes a lot. I communicate with my eyes. Using my speech board is all with my eyes. With the nurses, though, I often just look at something and they know what I want Of course, I need eyes to operate my computer so I can read the Bible and other things, write they like these blogs and e-mails and even to watch tv. Every so often, I wonder what my life would be like is I couldn't see but I reading don't want to think about it.

I can hear. I can hear sermons and music at church. That is important to me. But it is not just at church that I value my hearing. I listen to a lot of music which helps to keep me encouraged. I can hear when people speak to me, whether at church, in Long-term Care and when I get visitors. And, one of my favorites, I can listen to small children, especially my grandchildren.

I have a sound mind. I think a sound mind is more important than a sound body. At least to me it is. Of course, I would like both but just having a sound mind has opened up some things for me. For example, that sound mind enabled me to learn how to use my computer with relative ease. Which in turn has enabled me to read and understand the Bible, correspond with people and write these blogs. That sound mind also has allowed me to do a lot of thinking and meditating. I just have to make sure that I think and meditate on the right things.

The things that I can do, seeing, hearing and using my sound mind, are all simple things that we, myself included, too often take for granted. But we all would find life much more of a challenge without them.

There is one more thing I can do that I didn't mention. I can eat! Eating is one of the few pleasures I have and I thoroughly enjoy it. Especially when I get nonhospital food. I do have to be a little careful or I would be 600 pounds! 

Two Worlds

Two Worlds-Except for occasional outings of various kinds, my life consists
of two worlds. My Long-term Care world and my church world.

As you would expect, there is quite a difference between my two worlds. The
first is the amount of time that I spend in these "worlds". I spend a couple
of hours in church on a Sunday morning, an hour on Wednesday evening are, at
times, an hour on Sunday evening. Contrast that with the 24/7 that, except
for church and other outings from time to time, I spend in Long-term Care.

A second major difference is the atmosphere. Church has a positive
atmosphere with people focused, or we should be, on God and His wonderful promises. It is a place of hope. But Long-term Care doesn't have an
atmosphere of hope and certainly is not a place that is focused on God. For
the most part, it is a group of elderly people going through long day after
long day with very little variety.

I am lonely in both places but it is a different kind of loneliness. In
Long-term Care, I am lonely because I am alone a lot of the time. The nurses
always busy and don't have a lot of time to spend with me. I do get visitors
but not an overabundance. Anyway, it is not always an appropriate time to
have visitors. At church there are lots of people around but it  is really
lonely listening to conversations all around you but never be able to take
part on any because of an inability to speak.

But the most significant difference between my two worlds is the approach to
healing. Because Long-term Care is part of the hospital, of course their
view is that doctors and medicine have the final say. However, my church
world has a different view. We knew that the Great Physician, Jesus , is the
One who really has the final word. Medical conditions that at impossible for
human doctors is possible for God. So my church world offers me, and others
hope for healing, no matter what the doctors say.

Surprisingly, there are a couple of ways that both of my worlds are similar. One is routine. Life in Long-term Care is extremely routine. The same things done at the same time day after day. And, for church the most part, is pretty routine. The things done in the same order week after week. Only the things at church are a lot more interesting. However, in both places, from time to time something happens to mess use the routine. In Long-term Care, a variety of things can happen to throw off the routine. At church, every so often the Holy Spirit takes over and, then, who knows what will happen. Those are my favorite times at church.

One other way that they are the same is my focus on God. Like I said before, it is easy for me to keep my focus on God at church. But, even if there is no focus on God in general in Long-term Care, there is in my room. I have Christian music playing4 most of the time and, like I said in a previous blog, I am doing whatever I can to keep my focus on God.

As I was writing this, the thought came to me that it is probably the same for every Christian. We all have a day-to-day world plus a church world. The challenge for all of us is to bring the focus on God that we have at church into our daily lives. 

Focus on God

Focus On God-Because of all the time at my disposal,one of the biggest
challenges in my day-to-day life is keeping my focus on God. Yet, if I don't, I
am sure to end up depressed and feeling sorry for myself. These are things I
do to keep my attention where it should be.

The most obvious one is that I read the Bible. LOTS. From the time I get up
(around 7:30) until breakfast(between 9 and 9:30), I spend most of my time
doing my daily Bible reading plus other Bible reading. After breakfast, once
I have finished whatever writing I want to, I will frequently go on the
internet and look up and read scriptures pertaining to different topics.
Like encouragement, hope, peace, courage, etc. I do the same in the evening
while I am watching tv. During the intermission of whatever game I am
watching, I like to look up and read scriptures on a certain topic. One day
a week, Wednesday, I have what I call my "healing day". After breakfast,
instead of writing, I spend the morning looking up and reading scriptures on
healing, both in general and for the cancer. Oh, and then there are times
when, while doing something else on my computer, I just start to feel
restless and agitated. Then I read the Bible to calm myself down. So, as you
can see, a significant part of my day-to-day existence is spent reading the
Bible.

I also spend a lot of time praying. While I set aside a specific time, just
before I go to sleep, to primarily pray for others, I simply talk, in my
mind, to God all day. When I can't sleep, during the night as well. It may
not be formal but it is still talking to God so it is still prayer. Much of
the time, there is no human around for me to talk to so it is comforting to
know that I always have God around to talk to.

My music also helps to keep my focus on God. Especially in the afternoons when I have to rest in bed and can't use my computer. After a morning on my computer, I am tired so I often just lie in bed with my  eyes closed and listen to the lyrics. Because almost all of my music is Christian, it definitely keeps my focus on God. Sometimes, when an instrumental song is playing, in my mind, I make up my own lyrics to go with the tune. Occasionally, when my energy level is higher, I try to sing along to the songs.

Of course, making myself to start praising God when I don't feel like it is a good way to keep my focus on God. This is especially true when I feel myself starting to get agitated and discouraged. It also helps keep my focus on God if I make a point of praising Him during the mundane times. Like when I am having a bath or eating a meal.

Unfortunately, this doesn't happen often but,when I do have the opportunity to converse about God with a friend, it is an excellent way to keep my focus on God.

Then there are the mind games that I play with myself. In a previous blog, I mentioned my God ABCs. Other mind games I play are trying to think of scriptures from different books of the Bible, especially the Psalms. This is something I often do in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. It helps to keep my focus on God, helps to pass time and keeps me calm when I can't sleep. Unfortunately, though, I don't do it all the time. During the afternoons. I sometimes try to think scriptures that match the song that I am listening to.

One final way I have to keep my focus on God is by writing these blogs. Because they are primarily about God and my relationship with Him and they take a fair bit of time to write , that is a good chunk of time on Saturday and Tuesday that it is easy to keep my focus on God.

That is what I do to keep my focus on God. I was thinking, though, that it is probably as big a challenge for Christians who are "out there" as well. Only their problem is the opposite of mine. Not enough time as opposed to too much time. 

God ABC's

God ABCs-One afternoon, both to pass time and to keep my focus on God, I
went through the alphabet, thinking of words to describe God. I thought it
might be fun to write them in this blog.

My "a" word is awesome. I know people throw the word around loosely. This is
awesome or that is awesome. The truth is, though, that the only truly
awesome person or thing is God. I have been a Christian for many years but I
am still in awe that there is  a God.

My "b" word is big. Nothing and nobody is as big as my God. So much bigger
than anything I or any other Christian may have to go through. We don't
see the big picture but He does.

My "c" word is cherish. I cherish God. To me, if you cherish something, you
really value it and are not willing to part with it. I am not willing to
part with my relationship with God for anybody or anything, not even life itself.

My "d" word is divine. When I see the word divine, I always think of
pertaining to God. Like divine healing is healing from God. (I have healing
on the brain ). I can't help thinking that there is nothing more divine than
God Himself!

My "e" word is excellent. Everything that God does is excellent. The very
best. I don't know how God intends to get me out of the predicament that I am
at present but I do know that it will be most excellent. And, no doubt,
bring glory to Himself.

My "f" word is friend. God is my best friend. Due to circumstances and my
communication difficulty, I don't have a huge amount of human friends
(though I do have a few really good ones). However, I do have a friend who
will always stick with me. Even during times I would rather not stick with
myself! And I can communicate with Him without the speech board!

My "g" word is good. You know, God with an extra "o". Whenever I think of
God, I always think of good. Just plain good. My circumstances may not be
the best right now but that doesn't change how good God is. I know that He
is working things out for my good even though right now I sure don't see
it.

My "h" word is holy. Yes, he is best friend but He is also a holy God.
Worthy of all honor and reverence. I am always amazed that such a holy,
perfect God, through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, would want to have
fellowship with a flawed, less-than-perfect people. But He does.

My "I" word is immortal. People here on earth pass away sooner or later,
but not so with God. He is the same God forever and ever. That is
mind-boggling!

My "j" word is joy. Joy, not happiness. Happiness depends on what is going
on but joy is a gift from God. It is there whether or not we feel happy.
Even in times of tears, the joy is still there because we know we are in the
Lord and He is in us.

My "k" word is king. A king is a supreme ruler. What he says, goes. In the
same way, God is my King of my life. Chances are, He is not going to explain
why He wants me to do, or not do, something. My job is simply to obey
without question.

My "l" word is lord. Not only is He my King, He is my Lord. A lord is a
master. God is my Master. Having once been a teacher, I kind of relate it to
the relationship that a teacher has with her or his students. The teacher tells the students
what to do because she/he knows what is best for them. In the same way, God
tells us what to do because he knows what is best for us.

My "m" word is mighty. No one or nothing is mightier than God. The Bible says
that He can do anything. So He must have the might required for any task. It
is comforting to me to know that, no matter, what befalls me, His might far
surpasses my difficulty.

My "n" word nature. Everything in nature makes me think of God. To be
honest, being out in nature usually makes me think that this really must
have been a beautiful world before God made people to mess it up! Still,
everything about nature is amazing and could only have been made by an
amazing God. All the beauty, the variety of animals with their marvellous
instincts, etc.

My "o" word is omniscient. The all-knowing God. I always think that there is no point trying to hide anything, especially my thoughts, from God. He knows them anyway. At times, that can be rather disconcerting.

My "p" word is peace. The God kind of peace is not like the peace of the world. It is a deep down knowing that all is well because God is in control of my life. There are times, when my emotions are running haywire, that I lose my peace, but it always comes back.

My "r" word is righteous. God is righteous. Everything He does is right. And He has made me righteous. Put me in right standing with Himself. I like that.

My "s" word is supreme. My God is supreme, higher than everyone and everything. Just thinking about that makes me start to worship God.

My "t" word is trust. God can be trusted to do what He says. We find out what He says by reading the Bible. God is not like many people who say they will do something but than change their mind.  God's word is final. Since being diagnosed with cancer, just about every day I pray that God will help me to trust Him the way I need to trust Him right now.

My "u" word is unique. God is unique. There is nobody like Him. That makes me happy. I mean, how much trust would you have in somebody who claims to be a god but who is like other people?

My "v" word is victory. Because of all God has done for us, in the end we win. Read the last book of the Bible. Sure, right now we may have problems, some of them severe, but IF we don't give up, one day we will be in Heaven with God where there are no problems.

My "w" word is worship. God is worthy of all praise and worship. Think of it. All He has done, and is still doing for us, and all He wants is our praise and worship. Can't we do that much for Him?

My "y" word is Yahweh. That is Hebrew for God. To me, the word Yahweh just sounds impressive and majestic. Like my God is.

My "z" word is zenith. The zenith of something is the peak or very top. God is the zenith of perfection. There is nobody, absolutely nobody, above my God. And He is the zenith of my life. Nothing in my life, good or bad can top Him.

Notice there are no words for "q" or "x". I couldn't think of any. For most letters, there are several words I could have used. However, the intent of this blog is to share an example of the mind games I play to keep myself focused on God.

More Random Thoughts

More Random Thoughts-One day, awhile back, I was considering not writing
anymore blogs as I really felt that I had nothing else to about. But then
the thought came to me that I may, eventually, want to write a book and
these blogs would probably come in handy. Writing a book has never been on
my "to do" list but, I guess, anything is possible. Besides, I can't help
thinking that it is probably better to try, in writing, to describe what I
am feeling right now when I am going through it than to try and remember
those feelings afterward.

I do have feelings, both good and bad. God made us that way. When my
emotions are not in a good place, I sometimes wish that I was a robot so I
didn't have the discomfort and frustration of my daily life. And I would
always obey God without question. On the other hand, there are times that I
am extremely thankful to have emotions. Times when I feel the presence of
God so strongly that, if I could, I would dance, sing or praise God. I have
learned, though, not to go by my feelings, either good or bad. If I let my
negative emotions run wild for too long, I will end up depressed all the
time. Positive emotions are great while they last. Maybe they last for some
people but they don't for me. I face too many negative circumstances daily.
So I have chosen to focus on what the Bible has to say not what my emotions are
saying at that moment. The Bible never changes, no matter if I am in a
"snit" or "flying high"!

One thing that I still struggle with, though not as much as when I was first
diagnosed with cancer, is the thought that it is not fair. Since the stroke,
I have gone through a lot and, I thought, adding cancer on top of everything
was a bit much. The one thing that has always stopped me from "it is not
fair" is the thought of what Jesus went through for a world full of
ungrateful people. Instead, most of the time anyway, I am choosing to view
this cancer as sign of approval from God. He must know that I can handle it,
even if I am not so sure.

Right now.I feel like I am in limbo. I am not 100% sure what will happen to
me. However, I am pretty sure of one thing. Whatever happens, God is going
to get glory out of it.

One Sunday at church, the Holy Spirit pointed out that the cancer has become a distraction from my need for overall healing. He was right, as always. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I spent most of the time reading scriptures and making confessions about the cancer. Since that was pointed out to me, I been trying to keep more of a balance between fighting against the cancer and fighting against everything else that is wrong with me. I still focus on the cancer but not as much. Afterall, how great would it be if the cancer went away but I was left in the same condition that I have been in for years?
My life is extremely difficult, more difficult than I put into words. But, unless my negative emotions are in control, I also consider myself to be extremely blessed. Blessed to have been chosen to go through this. Through, at times, I wish He had chosen somebody else! Even being diagnosed with cancer has been a blessing as it has made me even more reliant on God.

That is enough babbling. I was wondering if anybody has anything specific that they would like me to write about. No guarantees but I could use some ideas. Please continue to pray for me. 

I will Bless Praise The Lord At All Times

I Will Praise The Lord At ALL Times-I am now in a situation where, aside
from stuffing myself full of scriptures and praying, I figure all I can do
is praise God and trust Him to get me out of this predicament in His way and
time. The Bible says that we are to praise God at all times. I started
thinking of all the times and places that I could, and should be praising
God.

The most obvious time to praise God is when I am at church. It is pretty
easy then with the music team playing and others praising. Quite a few years
ago, while at church, I was thinking to God that He must really like Sundays
with so many people praising Him. But His reply was that it means more to
Him when people praise Him during the week.

I don't sleep well. A perfect time for me to praise Him would be in the
middle of the night when I can't sleep anyway and there is nothing to
distract from God. At times, I do start to praise God but, too often, my
thoughts wander into frustration that I either can't get to sleep or wake up
way to early.

The nurses dress me about 6 am but I don't get up until between 7 and 7:30.
I call the intervening period my "quiet" time. I use it to meditate on Bible
verses, pray or praise God. At times.my mind does wander but, most of the
time, I am to drag it back where it should be.

Once I am up and able to use my computer, it is much easier to keep my focus
on God. Easier to praise once my Christian music starts playing. I start
each day, except Sunday, with five Psalms. There is lots of praise in the
Psalms. I spend most of the time until breakfast reading the Bible so my
focus is on God and His praise.

Our breakfasts are late. Between 9 and 9:30. I admit that it, along with
other meals, is not a time that I praise God. In fact, half the time I even
forget to say grace. I am too busy watching other people, listening to what
the nurses are talking about or, sometimes, chatting with whoever is feeding
me. Anyway, if we are supposed to praise God all times, I get an F at
mealtimes!

After breakfast, it is back my computer until lunch. This time, though, it is usually to write. Either e-mails, blogs or, once in awhile, a letter. Once I have finished my writing for the day.if there is still time before lunch, I like to do something that I have been doing since I was diagnosed with cancer. I read scriptures on different topics. Like scriptures on hope, peace, courage, etc. Including scriptures on praise. I always find them uplifting, no matter how I feel.

After lunch, I rest in bed. Which means I am not able to use my computer. But my music is still playing so I spend most afternoons listening to music and, hopefully, praising God. There are times, though, that my mind wanders unto negative things and it needs to be jerked back to God and His praise.

In evening, I mostly watch tv. Sports most of the time. However, ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, I try, each evening to read some scriptures on different topics. Like in the morning. I really enjoy watching sports but I know that is not where I will find the miracle that I need.

Before I go to sleep, I like to pray for certain people. But, before I start, I like to praise and give thanks. Since the cancer diagnosis , one thing that I always thank Him for, along with other things, is for another day that I feel pretty good. I know, though, that I don't spend enough time just praising God.

One other time that I realized I don't praise God enough is when I am having a bath. I got to thinking that there is no reason not to praise God when I can't be using my speech board to chat anyway.

If we, as Christians, including myself, are commanded to praise God at ALL times, I suspect we are doing a poor job. At least, I am. The point of this blog, I think, to make me aware of times that I am not praising God when I could and should be.