Wisdom

Experiences-One day, as I was using my computer, the word "wisdom" popped
into my head. My first thought was that I am not writing about wisdom. I had
written about discernment not long before that and I felt that I would just
say the same or very similar things. Still, I decided that I should at least
look up the dictionary meaning of "wisdom". So I did. I saw that wisdom has
a component of experience to it. I have had some experiences-really, bad,
really good, really blah-so that just seemed the thing to write about.

The first really bad experience I had was having a stroke at the ripe old
age of 33. One nugget of wisdom would be not to take your health for
granted. You just never know. I don't remember anything at first as I was in
a coma for over a month. I am speculating, though, that it wasn't a fun time
for anybody close to me. I came out of the coma only to discover that I
could no longer talk or move. That was quite a shock! However, the doctor
assured me that I would learn to walk and talk again so I was determined to
work hard to accomplish that feat. I just want to mention an incident that
happened while I was still in hospital in Edmonton. A couple of born-again
cousins of my husband came to visit me. I had never met them and I still
remember how impressed I was that they would take time to come and see
someone they didn't even know. Another nugget: we never know the impact that
our small acts of kindness will have on others.

But, none of us anticipated the complications that left me in my present
condition. I don't think anybody knows what happened. I sure don't! I had to
face the fact that I was never going to get any better. That was a dark,
dark time for me. So dark that I seem to have pretty much blocked it out of
my memory. One of the few things I do remember is two ladies coming quite
often to sing gospel songs to me. I suppose one nugget to garner from this
is that God can bring a little light into even the most hopeless of
situations.

But then came the very best experience of my life. Salvation, glorious
salvation! I will never forget the feeling of having a load being lifted off
my shoulders. One minute I was in a dark valley and the next I was on the
mountain of hope. Nobody had to explain to me about divine healing. I just
knew that I knew that I knew my healing was on its way. After the darkness
that I had been in, words cannot describe the euphoria that I felt. My
salvation took place in a hospital room. With just one other person. But
then that person was obedient when God told him to come and talk to me.
Nugget of wisdom: OBEY GOD PROMPTLY. You don't know whose destiny depends on
your obedience.

However, that was many years ago. Since then, I have only had maybe three
truly remarkable experiences. The first was shortly after I first started
going to church. I was given a brief glimpse into Heaven itself. Including
being told by Jesus that I had to come back. I have never talked much about
it. Too precious a memory, I guess. As I was still a fairly new Christian at
the time, I am sure it was given to me to reinforce the reality.of God. A
few years later, I saw a white light around the pastor. Must have been the
anointing that God has put on him. Then, a few years ago, I saw like a
plumbline between heaven and earth. I was about halfway up. I was given the
choice to continue on or to come back. I chose to come back.

Aside from these, I haven't had any remarkable experiences since my
incredible salvation. But I haven't had any really bad experiences either.
Just a lot of mundane keeping on keeping on. Of course, my emotions go up
and down like a yo-yo but they are just emotions. Over the years I have
gleaned some nuggets of wisdom. I don't have time for them all but here are
a few:
1. To live one day at a time. For me, sometimes it is a few hours at a time.
If I look too far ahead, I only end up depressed because I start thinking of
all the years of suffering that might still be ahead of me.
2. Tomorrow is another day. When I have a bad day, I have plenty of those,
and everything seems hopeless, I have learned that, chances are, tomorrow
will be a much better day.
3. The importance of saying " I am sorry". I have learned that, if I
apologize first, the other person probably will as well. Whether I feel I am
right or not is usually not the issue. Maintaining good relationships is
usually more important than being right.
4. If someone tells me something, the importance of keeping it to myself. I
figure that, if they want other people to know, they will tell them.
5. The importance of seeing situations from the perspective of others. This
is a tough one for me because I live in an environment that is so different
from the norm.

As I was writing this, I began to see that any wisdom that I may have has,
at least in part, been shaped by the experiences that I have gone through. 

God Is

God is...-A couple of days before starting to write this blog,I was
wondering what I would write for my next blog. I had a couple of vague ideas
rolling around in my mind but nothing definite. However, the Holy Spirit
said, "Write about Me (God)".  My immediate response was, "Ok, Lord. What
shall I write about?". I felt to write about the attributes of God. But,
being as there are so many, I just selected a few that mean a lot to me
right now.

God is love.  Everybody needs to feel loved. I am no different than anybody
else. But love from people has its limitations. The love of God doesn't.
None of us can truly know how great it is but one thing that really matters
to me right now is that it is not based on my performance. It is comforting
for me to know that God loves me just as much when I am depressed and crying
as when I am doing all the things that I know a Christian should be doing.
Like praise, reading the Bible, etc.

God is good. And all the time. Not just when things are going well. I have
come to understand that, no matter how horrid things become for me, God is
still good and all the yucky circumstances that He is allowing in my life
right now will eventually work out to give me a wonderful future. As long as
I don't give up. Knowing that has kept me going through a lot of difficult
years.

God is compassionate. To me, compassion is more than just a feeling of
sympathy for someone. It does what it can to help to help the other person.
When God sent Jesus to die on the cross so people wouldn't have to go to
hell, that is ultimate example of compassion, is it not? Knowing how
compassionate God is, makes me understand that I won't be like this forever.
At the right time, God's compassion will move Him to do whatever needs to be
done to get me out of this situation.

God is merciful. This is the attribute of God that I may value most right
now. That incredible mercy of His that doesn't give us what we deserve. I
think of the times in the Bible that people do things that should be
punished but, because of His mercy, He turns away His anger. Mostly, because
He understood that they were just people. I am the same. Many times, mostly
out of frustration, I will act in way that is not pleasing to God but,
instead of the rebuke I deserve, He usually finds some way to comfort me. Of
course, I do get rebuked from time to time but not nearly as often as I
think I deserve.

Hand and hand with God's mercy is His patience. Human patience seems to have
a pretty short expiry date but His patience just goes on and on and on...  I
know my patience with other people, whether it is using my speech board or
something else, usually runs out after several tries but God has people go
over and over the same thing until we get it right.

God in never changing. It is important to me that all the promises He made
way back when the Bible was written are just as true today for me or anybody
else. And that includes the promise of physical healing. My part is to know
the promises so well that I can remind Him of what He has said. Not, of
course, that He has forgotten but He likes to know that we know.

Finally, an attribute of God that really matters to me right now is the fact
that He is ever-present. Because I spend so much of time alone, it is a
comfort to know that He is always there when I need someone to talk to. And
it is just as comforting to know that, times when I am feeling down and
depressed, He will still be there, just waiting for me to turn to Him.

There are many more attributes of God. Too many to list in this blog. I
merely mentioned a few that are especially important to me in my present
situation. 

Discernment

Discernment-One night, when I couldn't sleep, I was idly thinking about what
I might write in my next blog. Mostly to stop myself from thinking how
frustrated I was that I couldn't sleep. The word "discernment" dropped into
my mind. To live like this, I know that I need obedience and endurance and
perseverance and stuff like that but it never occurred to me that I also
need discernment. But, upon further meditation, I came to see that there are
areas in which I need to have discernment.

The first area that I need to have discernment in is listening to different
preachers and teachers of the Bible. Be it at church, on tv, online or even
in a book or some other written material. I need to be able to discern
whether or not what is being said lines up with the Bible. If it doesn't,
then I know to discard that teaching, no matter how good the speaker is. In
order to do this, I need to know the Bible and know it WELL. That is one of the
reasons why I spend a lot of my time reading the Bible. When I was a new
Christian, I would swallow anything that anybody told me but, over the
years, I have become much more discerning. Now, if I am not sure about
something that has been said, I check it out in the Bible.

An area that I know I need more discernment is in the area of my thoughts.
It is so easy to let my thoughts go wandering helter-skelter but I need to
be more discerning about what I am thinking and, if it is not what God wants
me to be thinking, then I need to MAKE myself start to think differently. If
I did that, I bet I would have fewer spells of depression.

I also need discernment in the area of speech. If  I could speak, I know
that there would be too many times that I would make a quick, sarcastic
retort to something that has been said. But, because I need the speech
board, while the other person picks it up, it usually gives me time to cool
down enough to not be quite so rude. In fact, I often hear the Holy Spirit
say, "Don't say that". But, still, I will sometimes say something on the
speech board, maybe as a joke, and then I will wonder why I said it. More
discernment needed!

When it comes to "entertainment", I definitely need plenty of discernment.
Because I have so much time on my hands and not a lot to do, I watch a lot
of tv. But that requires discernment. First, thanks to the Lord getting on
my case, I have limited my tv watching to evenings. I figure that there are
a few good shows on tv, some middle-of-the road stuff and too much
disgusting stuff. I try to stay away from the obviously disgusting stuff. At
times, though, I will start watching a movie that seems ok when all of a
sudden there is a big sex scene or something else disgusting. Then I have to
discern whether or not to continue watching. At times, if it is a good
movie, it is tempting to keep on watching anyway. So far, though, I have
always been able to tear myself away. I mostly watch sports so I don't watch
many movies but when I do, I prefer the Youth or Family channels just to be
safe. My other form of "entertainment" is reading novels but I stick to
classic English Literature. Not much disgusting stuff in that.

One area that I really need more discernment in is what I listen to the
nurses talking about. If they are talking about normal day-to-day things
like holidays, kids or whatever, it is ok to listen but when they start to
gossip and talk about people, I need to just tune them out. When I was
writing this, I felt that the Holy Spirit was pointing out that this is
something that I really need to work on. I am just like anybody else and I
enjoy a good tidbit of gossip but, really, it none of my business.

Now I understand why the Holy Spirit wanted me to write about discernment.
As much as anything, it is to point out some areas in which I could improve
in discernment. 

The Best Things in my Life

The Best Things In My Life Right Now- To be honest, I kind of feel
like I am going round and round with these blogs. Talking, more or less,
about the same thing over and over. But, then, that also seems how my life
is. The same thing over and over with little variation. So I just write
whatever I feel the Holy Spirit wants me to write on that particular day.

By far, the best thing in my life right now is God. To be blunt, He is the
only reason that I didn't cave in long before this. It has been a long,
difficult road and, frankly, I am weary. I don't know how but, somehow, God
keeps me going. He is also my best friend. I have some wonderful human
friends but, no matter how loving and loyal they are, they can't be with me
all the time. I spend a lot of lonely hours but they would be a lot lonelier
without the Holy Spirit being with me all the time. He is there when I need
somebody to talk to. Even if I can't talk like other people. And He doesn't
need my speech board either! Times that I am not at my best, He still is at
His best and waits patiently for me to settle down and turn to Him again.

The rest of my "bests" are not in any particular order. I just wrote them
down as I thought of them.

One of the best things in my life right now is my computer. To be honest, I
am lost without it. First of all, it is my Bible. When I first got a
computer, there was no internet so I was limited to one version of the Bible
but now, with the internet, I have lots of translations to chose from. It is
also a means of communicating. Sometimes, when people are visiting who are
not comfortable with my speech board, we use it to talk. I keep up a
correspondence with quite a number of friends and relatives via e-mail. The
computer gives me a certain amount of independence as I can contact
whosoever I need to contact without the nurses having to it for me. Finally,
it is my source of entertainment. Sometimes, especially in the evenings, I
simply don't have the energy to do much other than watch tv. Most times, I
can find some sporting event or documentary to watch. Once in awhile,
though, I turn off the tv and read a good novel.

Another best thing in my life right now , and the most frustrating, is that
speech board of mine. To be honest, I am lost without it because, without it
with me at all times, I can't talk to anybody should the opportunity arise.
That is why I don't take it well when people wander away with the speech
board in their hand. While it is not conducive for lengthy conversations
with most people, it is invaluable for a sentence or two and, especially,
when I need something. I can't even imagine the frustration of needing
something and not being able to tell anybody what I need.

Church is one of the best things in my life right now. Of course, I could
listen to good speakers on tv or online but it is not the same as actually
being in church. Not only is it an excuse for me to get out of Long-term
Care, it is a totally different atmosphere. Where the focus is on God and
everyone is focused on the same thing.

One of the best things in my life at the moment are my friends. I have some
very good friends who, not only do things for me that I can't do for myself,
spend time with me during the week and break up the tedium of my day-to-day
life. Of course, though, my very best friend, Jesus, is always with me.

Maybe my favorite best things, aside from Jesus, are my grandkids.
Unfortunately my real grandson doesn't live here so I mostly see the little
imp on skype. He is pretty cute, though. (said like a true grandma). But I
get to see my "adopted" grandkids a lot. No matter how bummed out I am
feeling, they always make me smile.

A final best in my life are the nurses. I have been in Long-term Care a long
time and I consider most of them of them as much my friends as my
care-givers. I spend a lot more time with them than anybody else and they
have seen the best and worst of me. We have had lots of laughs together and
those "fun times" are helping me to cope. Of course, my life is not all
laughs but, even in the bad times, I know they care. That means a lot to me.

So there you have it. The best things in my life right now. I know there is
a lot more coming in the future but, for now, I am thankful for what I have.