-Yesterday afternoon, when I was resting in bed, the Holy Spirit reminded me of an incident. It wasn't too long after I started coming to this church so it was years ago. The Holy Spirit impressed on me that I needed to forgive my parents. I thought that was kind of weird as they both were deceased by that time. This is the situation that I needed to forgive. I had an older brother, the oldest of my siblings, but he passed away before I was born. After three girls, when I was born, they really, really wanted a boy, In fact, I still remember my mother saying that she wasn't excited about me being born as she knew that I would be another stinking girl. The fact that I remembered it after so many years shows how badly I must have felt hurt and rejection. But, as I was thinking about this yesterday, it dawned on me that the comment was probably meant as a joke but, because I was a child, I took it literally and carried the hurt all these years.
As I was thinking about it all, I realized that writing this down might help me to release forgiveness to my parents for making me feel like I was less welcome for being a girl. I had good, loving parents who would never have knowingly said anything to hurt me but, just like all us humans, they sometimes said things that they shouldn't have. I am not entirely sure why God wanted me to share this but the Bible does have a lot to say our words and this is a prime example of how careless words can hurt badly for a long time.
Me
At the beloved/hated writing vessel
Friday, 25 April 2014
Friday, 18 April 2014
Holidays
-Because today is Good Friday, I decided to share a bit about how hard holidays are on me emotionally. For plenty of other people as well, I am sure. At Easter, of course, I know that I should primarily be focused on the death and resurrection of Jesus but there are aspects of it, or any other holiday that I do struggle with.
The main one is that it is such a family time. No matter how good friends people are, when holidays come round, they want to spend time with family. And that is the way it should be. But, if people are not able to spend time with family, for whatever reason., holidays are an extremely lonely time.
I should mention that, here in Long Term Care, they do give us special meals for holidays but it is not the same as the homecooking and fellowship of being with family.
By far the most difficult holiday for me is Mother's Day. Now that my children are older and would be away from home anyway, it doesn't bother me quite as much as when they were little and I couldn't be with them. I admit that I have found going to church difficult on Mother's Day. Not that I ever thought of not going. I really am glad that the mothers are acknowledged, they deserve it, but it's hard for me to listen to year after year when I have never been able to be a "real" mother to them. But, like I said, it is easier now that they are older.
As I was writing this, the thought crossed my mind that a lot of holidays have strong Christian connotations. At Christmas it is the birth of Jesus, at Easter it is the resurrection of Jesus and Thanksgiving it is thankfulness to God for harvest. I need to concentrate more on what these holidays really mean and less on all I miss out on. I wish, though, it was as easy to do as it is to say!
For me, perhaps the best thing about a holiday is that it is soon over and life returns to normal for everybody!
The main one is that it is such a family time. No matter how good friends people are, when holidays come round, they want to spend time with family. And that is the way it should be. But, if people are not able to spend time with family, for whatever reason., holidays are an extremely lonely time.
I should mention that, here in Long Term Care, they do give us special meals for holidays but it is not the same as the homecooking and fellowship of being with family.
By far the most difficult holiday for me is Mother's Day. Now that my children are older and would be away from home anyway, it doesn't bother me quite as much as when they were little and I couldn't be with them. I admit that I have found going to church difficult on Mother's Day. Not that I ever thought of not going. I really am glad that the mothers are acknowledged, they deserve it, but it's hard for me to listen to year after year when I have never been able to be a "real" mother to them. But, like I said, it is easier now that they are older.
As I was writing this, the thought crossed my mind that a lot of holidays have strong Christian connotations. At Christmas it is the birth of Jesus, at Easter it is the resurrection of Jesus and Thanksgiving it is thankfulness to God for harvest. I need to concentrate more on what these holidays really mean and less on all I miss out on. I wish, though, it was as easy to do as it is to say!
For me, perhaps the best thing about a holiday is that it is soon over and life returns to normal for everybody!
Friday, 11 April 2014
Long Term Care-My TEMPORARY Home
-When I first came to Long Term Care, I was considerably younger than I am now. I remember sitting in the dining room and thinking, "What on earth am I doing with all those old people ?" The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, "These people are often forgotten but they are still My people."
Because both of my grandfathers died before I was born and my grandmothers passed while I was still quite young, I was never around elderly people much. Even now, I don't see the other people in here that much as I spend most of the time in my room, either on my computer or resting in bed. However, I do see them at meals. It has given me more understanding and compassion for seniors.
One word I would use to describe people in a facility like this is "lonely". The nurses are really good with these people but they always have work to do so they don't have a lot of time just to visit. I am thinking that is where family and friends should come in. Some of the the families are really good and spend a lot of time here. Then others come sometimes but not as often. Unfortunately, there always seem to be some people who never seem to get any visitors. Unless, of course, they come when I am in my room. There are a couple things that bothers me about the visitors that these people do get. One is when they breeze in, spend five minutes and breeze out again. The other thing that irritates me is when people come to visit somebody and spend most of the time talking to somebody else. It has been done to me too so I know it doesn't feel very nice.
Another word to describe this place would be "tedious". The same thing at the same time day after day. There is recreation staff who plan activities for these people and do take them on outings. Unfortunately, they have to use the handibus so that limits the number of people they can take at one time. I go with them once in awhile but not often. I get out more so I figure leave it for others.
The rent here is not cheap but when you consider that it includes food and everything keeps getting more and more expensive, I don't imagine they have much choice but to set the rent as high as it is. The food is not bad, most times and there is always plenty of it but it is definitely not gourmet! The worst thing is the same food cooked the same way over and over and over.
When I first came to Long Term Care, different churches used to come and give little services once a week but that fell by the wayside and now the only church group that comes here are the Catholics. I am really not too sure why they stop coming but I have sometimes wondered if it had something to do with the fact that these people are not very responsive.
Life in Long Term Care is hardly thrilling but, like all of us, I need to be thankful for where God has chosen to put me RIGHT NOW. It could be a lot worse and it has taught me an appreciation for the elderly that I never had before.
Because both of my grandfathers died before I was born and my grandmothers passed while I was still quite young, I was never around elderly people much. Even now, I don't see the other people in here that much as I spend most of the time in my room, either on my computer or resting in bed. However, I do see them at meals. It has given me more understanding and compassion for seniors.
One word I would use to describe people in a facility like this is "lonely". The nurses are really good with these people but they always have work to do so they don't have a lot of time just to visit. I am thinking that is where family and friends should come in. Some of the the families are really good and spend a lot of time here. Then others come sometimes but not as often. Unfortunately, there always seem to be some people who never seem to get any visitors. Unless, of course, they come when I am in my room. There are a couple things that bothers me about the visitors that these people do get. One is when they breeze in, spend five minutes and breeze out again. The other thing that irritates me is when people come to visit somebody and spend most of the time talking to somebody else. It has been done to me too so I know it doesn't feel very nice.
Another word to describe this place would be "tedious". The same thing at the same time day after day. There is recreation staff who plan activities for these people and do take them on outings. Unfortunately, they have to use the handibus so that limits the number of people they can take at one time. I go with them once in awhile but not often. I get out more so I figure leave it for others.
The rent here is not cheap but when you consider that it includes food and everything keeps getting more and more expensive, I don't imagine they have much choice but to set the rent as high as it is. The food is not bad, most times and there is always plenty of it but it is definitely not gourmet! The worst thing is the same food cooked the same way over and over and over.
When I first came to Long Term Care, different churches used to come and give little services once a week but that fell by the wayside and now the only church group that comes here are the Catholics. I am really not too sure why they stop coming but I have sometimes wondered if it had something to do with the fact that these people are not very responsive.
Life in Long Term Care is hardly thrilling but, like all of us, I need to be thankful for where God has chosen to put me RIGHT NOW. It could be a lot worse and it has taught me an appreciation for the elderly that I never had before.
Friday, 4 April 2014
How The World Has Changed
-Once in awhile, I think that,even though I do want to be healed and live a "normal" life again, I don't want to leave my quiet life for the rat race that is life out "there". I do know that it is a rat race because I have friends who are always busy and rushing around. I do understand that the quiet life that I lead, while tedious, is also much more conducive to a relationship with God. But I do also know that the time will come, the sooner the better, when I will have to return to the world and adapt myself to all changes that have taken place since the stroke. Right now, my "world" consists of the church and the hospital so I am probably not even aware of the changes but I have observed a few.
The first one has to be all the technology. When I had the stroke, there were no such things as cell phones and we were just starting to hear about computers. Now there are gadgets for this and devices for that. Because I can't use them anyway, I have no interest in them. Anybody who knows me, knows that I am far from crazy about all this technology. This computer is all the technology I want or need. I must admit, though, that I do really enjoy having skype on my computer. I use it to visit with my daughter and grandson.
So how did somebody who doesn't like technology end up writing a blog? After being nagged about it by friends, I decided I should pray about it. So I did and I really felt that God wanted me to do it. I admit that it has been a stretch for me, probably exactly what God intended, as it means opening myself up to others.
Another change that has come to my attention is how expensive everything is. Once in awhile I go to a grocery store to pick up something. I am always amazed at the prices. How can people afford to feed their families? Then there is the cost of housing. Just before the stroke, our house was appraised at, I think, $80, 000. Even that seemed like a lot of money back then but it is nothing compared to the staggering prices these days.
I also find it quite amazing to think about the amounts of money people are making compared to back when I was teaching. But, considering the cost of everything, I can understand why.
Lastly, there has been a change in Cold Lake itself. Before the stroke, there were two towns of Cold Lake and Grand Center but now there is one city of Cold Lake North and South. However, the change I like least is that so many trees have been or are being cut down for more and more construction.
I am so out of touch with everything except God. And that is not a bad thing!
The first one has to be all the technology. When I had the stroke, there were no such things as cell phones and we were just starting to hear about computers. Now there are gadgets for this and devices for that. Because I can't use them anyway, I have no interest in them. Anybody who knows me, knows that I am far from crazy about all this technology. This computer is all the technology I want or need. I must admit, though, that I do really enjoy having skype on my computer. I use it to visit with my daughter and grandson.
So how did somebody who doesn't like technology end up writing a blog? After being nagged about it by friends, I decided I should pray about it. So I did and I really felt that God wanted me to do it. I admit that it has been a stretch for me, probably exactly what God intended, as it means opening myself up to others.
Another change that has come to my attention is how expensive everything is. Once in awhile I go to a grocery store to pick up something. I am always amazed at the prices. How can people afford to feed their families? Then there is the cost of housing. Just before the stroke, our house was appraised at, I think, $80, 000. Even that seemed like a lot of money back then but it is nothing compared to the staggering prices these days.
I also find it quite amazing to think about the amounts of money people are making compared to back when I was teaching. But, considering the cost of everything, I can understand why.
Lastly, there has been a change in Cold Lake itself. Before the stroke, there were two towns of Cold Lake and Grand Center but now there is one city of Cold Lake North and South. However, the change I like least is that so many trees have been or are being cut down for more and more construction.
I am so out of touch with everything except God. And that is not a bad thing!
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