Frustrations

  I truly do believe that I am so very blessed. To think that, of all the people in the world, I was chosen for this. It is mind-boggling! God must see something in me that I don't see in myself. But, then, I also believe that God puts in us what we need to go through whatever we have to go through. Having said that, I still have many frustrations to go through in my day-to-day life. I will only mention a few or this would have too many parts!
                         By far, the biggest frustration in my life is communication. Or lack thereof. I am so thankful that I have the speech board. I don't even want to think about what life would be like for me without it. But it takes so long to say anything letter by letter with my eyes. And then so much depends on the person on the other end. Some people catch on quickly and it is easy to converse with them. But others struggle. Sometimes I have to repeat the same word over and over before they get it. If I really need to say something I will keep trying to make myself understood but, if it is not vital, I usually just say, "Never mind" and drop it. There are also those who, trying to make it easier for me, keep guessing at what I am going to say. If they are right, it does help but,if not, it is really frustrating as it takes even longer. Being misunderstood is something that I definitely have in common with Jesus. It is terribly frustrating for me and must have been for Him too.
          Another frustration that I have in regards to communication is being with a group of people and not being able to take part in the conversation. If I do try to say something, it takes so long that, by the time I get it out, the conversation has moved on to something else.
        Because of the frustrations associated with my speech board, I often prefer to use my computer to communicate, either by e-mail or to hold a conversation with somebody. But there are frustrations with the computer as well. The main one is a power failure. My computer shuts itself off so, when the power comes back on, I have to yell for a nurse to turn my computer. But the nurses are usually busy so I could be yelling for quite some time. The same is true if I hit the wrong button and mess up. I can't fix the messup without help. At times, I feel frustrated that I can't move my cursor around as quickly as other people. Most of the time, though, I am happy to putter away at my computer at my own speed.
            Of course, it is frustrating to have to depend on other people for almost everything. Not just the basic care like being dressed and fed but also the little things like wiping my snotty nose or scratching my itchy head.
             Speaking of itches, it is horrible getting an itch that I can't scratch. But all I can do is endure it until it goes away. I am certainly not going to call for the nurses everytime I get an itch! Sometimes, a hair gets on my face. It almost drives me crazy as I can't brush it away. Then there are bugs. Once the bugs come out in spring, I mostly stay inside as I can't shoo them away. At times, they get into the hospital. Then I have to endure flies landing on my face or mosquitoes sucking my blood!