God Is...

God Is...-I have a lot of time to just think . One day, I was thinking that
some speakers seem to focus more upon how God can fix us up than on God
Himself. And that is good because we all need God to fix us up. However, at
times I like to just hear about God. That is what prompted me to write this
blog. This is far from a comprehensive list but I just wrote down some words
and phrases that describe God.

God is good . I have heard that many times. Think about it. Good is God with
an extra "o". Even though there are a lot of people and circumstances in
this world that are anything but good, that doesn't change the fact that God
is a good God. And in the end, His goodness will have the final say.

This is my personal favorite. God is a present help in the time of trouble
(or something like that). I would definitely say that I am in a time of
trouble. But I can also say that it is very comforting to know that He is
with me throughout this ordeal. Yes, it would be nice if He would just take
it all away, but so far He hasn't. What He is doing though, every
single day, is helping me to cope with what I face.

But God is also a holy God. Because He is always with me, I have to keep
reminding myself that this is God - the great, majestic, holy God and remind myself to treat
Him with the awe and reverence that He deserves.

God is a sun and shield. To me, that means light and protection. Right now, there is a lot of darkness in my life. But God and His promises cut through that darkness. Most of the time, anyway. And, even though my circumstances are pretty bad, I understand that they are also a way of protecting me from a lot of things other Christians face.

Speaking of protection, God is my fortress. A fortress keeps the bad guys out. Similarly, I know that God is keeping bad things out of my life. It may not look like it right now but I know it would be a lot worse without God and, in the end, everything will be wonderful.

God is my refuge. Some days, when I am feeling particularly discouraged, I am so tempted to e-mail somebody and give them a "woe is me" story. But I don't. Mostly, I admit, because I simply don't have the energy to write an e-mail. Instead, I turn to God and His promises in the Bible . Invariably, I come out of it feeling a whole lot better.

God is a rock. My rock. When I think of God as a rock, the last I thing think of is a little pebble. I think of a huge rock which can't be moved. It will be there forever. It is comforting to me to know that even in my bad times, He is the same as in my good times.

The Bible uses a lot more words and phrases to describe God but I have selected just a few that are extra meaningful to me. God 

Out of Touch

Out Of Touch-I had the stroke in July of 1983. Now it is January of 2017.
That means that I have been in a hospital or Long Term Care for almost 34
years. In that length of time, lots has changed in this world of ours.
Needless to say, I am very much out of touch with just about everything.

First of all, I am totally out of touch with life itself. Right now, l feel
like I am living a half-life. I have forgotten what is like to do even basic
care for myself. Things like washing my own face or hands, combing my own
hair, dressing myself, etc. I don't even remember what it is like to feed
myself. Much less do I remember what it is like to be a teacher and mother
of young children. (I never had the opportunity to be their mother as they
grew older). Anyway, I will probably need a crash course in "doing life"once
this ordeal is finally over!

I am also pretty out of touch with what is going on in the world. I never
watch news, though, most days, I do check news headlines on my computer so I
am not totally in the dark about worldly developments. However, I never read
the stories. The headlines, at least most of them, are depressing enough. I
don't need to add more depression to my life. I have a frequent battle with
depression as it is.

I am really out of touch with people. Except maybe not the nurses because
they can communicate better with me and they work under the same conditions I
live in. A major component of my being so out of touch with people is the
communication difficulty. But, I find that, even when we overcome the
difficulty in communication, visitors and I often just sit, not knowing what
to say to each other. I can no longer relate to a "normal" life and they certainly
can't relate to life in Long-term Care. For that reason, at times, I prefer
for people to just read to me. It takes my mind off of my problems and we
don't have to try to think of things to say to each other.

And then there is technology. When I had the stroke, computers were just starting to come in. Now, in 2017, it is cell phones and all sorts of other gadgets. I am, I admit, somewhat fascinated by all they can do but I will also admit that at present because I am not able to use them, I have never paid a lot of attention to them. I don't even know what half of them are for. I know the day will come when l will have to learn to use them but I will deal with that when the time comes. The one exception is my computer. Out of necessity, I have had to learn to do certain things on it and, now, I am lost without it.

I am really out of touch with the cost of everything now. Living in Long-term Care where all the food is provided, I have no idea of the cost of food. So, on the rare occasions that I am in a grocery store, I am flabbergasted at the prices. The same when I see cars advertised on tv. I am blown away by the cost. Mind you, cars now have a lot more "bells and whistles".

I am totally, and I mean totally, out of touch with fashion. The truth is, I seldom buy clothes. I simply wear what people give me. I assume they don't buy anything too out of fashion. But,even if they did, I wouldn't know the difference.

But I am not out of touch with God and the Bible. That is more important than all the things I am out of touch with. They will pass away but God and His word, the Bible, will last forever. 

Incidents That Confirm My Healing By God

Incidents That Confirm My Healing By God-I had no intention at all of
writing about this but something my pastor said this past Wednesday gave me
the idea. I don't remember his exact words but he said something to the
effect that we should get back and revisit the times of faith in our past.
That made me think that I should encourage myself by recalling all the times
that my belief in healing was confirmed.

it all started with my salvation. I admit that I was desperate and would
believe anything that might get me out of my hopeless situation. When he
prayed, I felt a heavy load before off my shoulders . I knew that God would
heal me and restore me to health. But I didn't know how long it would take
or all I would have to go through. If I had, I may not have been so excited!
(The very first blog I wrote was my incredible testimony if anybody wants to
read it).

Thus began my long journey towards my healing by God. Along the way, there
have been incidents that bolstered my faith. I will mention as many as I can
remember but not in any particular order. Mainly, because the order is not
clear in my mind.

There was my "heaven experience". I was told that I had to come back, I
assume to wait for my healing.

One time, when I was having a bath, I asked the Lord how He could heal this
misshapen body of mine. He reminded me of the Valley of Dry Bones . For you
who don't know, there is a story in the Bible of a prophet who had a vision
of valley of dried out bones. God turned those bones into a living,
breathing army. If God can do that, He certainly can restore me to health.

When I first started going to church, many people told me that they had
dreams of me walking and talking. The fact that I don't hear about those
dreams anymore leads me to believe that they were not from God. However, the
dreams that I think might be from God are when unsaved nurses, who probably
don't know that I am believing God for healing, have dreams that I am
talking to them. The interesting thing is that I have always been talking,
not walking, in these dreams. I have always felt, and others have said so
too, that I will talk before I walk. Though I would rather have it all at
the same time!

Through the long, frustrating years, I have had a few words about my healing, both from people and from God Himself. I can honestly say that it never even occurred to me that I might not be healed in this life.

But then I was diagnosed with cancer. A tiny seed of doubt crept in. Of course, I prayed about it but the only words I heard were "Trust Me" and "I know what I am doing". We all know that God knows what He is doing but wouldn't it be nice if He let us in on it? It hasn't been easy to keep up my faith for healing from God when I have to listen to comments like "We know what the prognosis is" or, before Christmas, apparently one of the nurses said that this might be my last Christmas.

However, there have been a couple of incidents since the cancer diagnosis that have fortified my belief in healing from God. One Sunday at church, Holy Spirit told me that the cancer was a distraction from my healing. I realized that I had become so focused on the cancer that I had pretty much forgotten that there are many other parts of my body that need healing as well. Since then, I have been trying to keep more of a balance. Concentrate on healing for the cancer but also for the rest of my body.

Another time, a person told me that my voice would be restored so I can command healing to the rest of my body.

I know that God had me write this blog as another way that He is encouraging me throughout this ordeal. 

One Day At A Time

One Day At A Time-I woke up this morning (Saturday) not really sure what to
write about in this blog. However, the song "One Day At A Time" was rolling
around in my mind so I figured that was a good starting point.

"One Day At A Time" is the theme of my life right now. Even though I know
that I am very blessed, I am also, daily, facing incredibly difficult
circumstances. So I focus on just getting through each day. A big reason I
take "One Day At A  Time" is because it lessens my periods of depression. When
I let myself think about the future, I usually end up depressed. It is
depressing to think that I might be living like this for how many more
years. Anyway, none of us, and I mean none, are guaranteed a future so why
make myself discouraged over what may or may not happen. But I also try not
to dwell on the past too often. The past is past and isn't going to change.
True, some of my memories, especially of my childhood, are pleasant but, too
often, I start thinking about all the things that I used to be able to do
that I can't do now. Which just, most times, brings on depression.

Living "One Day At A Time" helps to control my tendency to worry. If I don't
think about even the next day, I won't worry about what might or might  not happen. I
read somewhere about not worrying about what we can't control. So that is
what I am trying to do. I can't control what happens in the future, even of
just a few minutes, so why worry about it? I have pretty much developed a
"we-will-see-when-the-time-comes" attitude!

Living "One Day At A Time" is simply being obedient to what Jesus said in
the Bible. He says not to worry about tomorrow so, when I
start fretting about the future, I am being disobedient to Jesus.  This may
be the most important reason for taking "One Day At A Time".

A couple of things help me to take "One Day At A Time". Each morning, before I get up, I make a mental list of all the things I plan to do on that specific day. What Bible reading I want to do that day, what confessions I want to make, what  e-mails I want to write and, days I write my blog, about writing my blog. I even think about what I want to watch on tv that evening. Doing this helps me to stay focused on the day at hand and not dwelling on what may or may not happen the next day or the next week or the next year.

Another thing that I do to take "One Day At A Time" is by trying to control my thoughts.When I catch myself thinking about what the future may hold or dwelling too much on the past, I jerk my thoughts back into the present. I usually do this by starting to praise God. However, when I am using my computer, I read the Bible.

So, I am doing what I can to live "One Day At A Time". It would be a lie to say I have it mastered but I can honestly say I am getting better and, when I do live "One Day At A Time, I feel so much better. 

I Am Not Alone

I Am Not Alone- Ever since I had the stroke,and especially when my emotions
are running high, too often I have felt like I am struggling through this
all on my own. But, of course, that simply is not true.

First of all, Jesus is always with me. He promised to never leave or forsake
me. No matter how I am feeling and no matter if I feel His presence or not,
I know that He is always there. When I need a shoulder to cry on, He
provides the shoulder. And when I just need somebody to talk to, He is
always there. He knows my thoughts so I don't have to be able to vocalize
them. When my emotions are not in a good place, I admit that I sometimes (inaccurately)
feel like people are neglecting me. However, no matter what people do or
don't do, Jesus will never neglect me. Even in those times that I need to be
chastised.

But Jesus is not going to dress or feed me or take care of my other physical
needs. For that I need the nurses. Over the years,
different ones have come and gone, but there has always been nurses there to give
me the care that I need. But they are more than just my caregivers. Because
I can communicate better with them than with other people, we sometimes just
chat about this or that. Admittedly, at times, we get downright silly.
However, it helps us all to get through our days.

Then there is is my church family. I go to a small church so we are pretty
much like a family. The pastor I have now is my third one and I am indebted
to all of them for helping me to get thoroughly grounded in the Word of God
(Bible). It means a lot to me when the church as a whole prays for my
healing. Sure, I can pray for my own healing and, sure, different
individuals pray for me but it is still always special to be prayed for by
the entire church. Being at church is important to me so I appreciate that,
if at all possible, they find a way to get me there.

I suspect that everyone has a few friends that a closer to them than other friends. I am no different. Specifically, when I was going through the tests for cancer, I had a friend go to all the tests with me. I am more at peace with the cancer now, but back then I sure appreciated, and needed the support. Besides, she can use my speech board with ease and that was a big help. I also have to mention the man who looks after my finances. We have been friends for years and I know that he has spent a lot of time trying to sort out my financial issues. Others have been coming faithfully year after year whether to give me a bath or to read to me, or sometimes to take me out.

I may not have personal contact with them but people, friends or relatives, who regularly send me e-mails are an important part of my life. They probably don't know that when I am having a bad day, getting an e-mail from them can perk me up. Not to mention that answering them helps to pass time.

The group of people that are really, really important in my life are people that are praying for me. A lot of them I know about,  but probably not all of them. Every so often, I feel a rush of heat through my body. In those moments I like to think that somebody is praying for me. Maybe, maybe not. But I do know that prayer makes a difference.

Even though, at times, I feel really alone, writing this blog made me realize am not as alone as I sometimes feel.