The "P" Words

My "P" Words-One afternoon, I was lying in bed and idly wondering what I
world write in my next blog. Two words popped into my mind. Peace and
praise,. Two important components of my life right now. That started me
thinking of other "p" words that are part of my life at the moment.

Peace is, or should be, a constant part of my life right now. God's peace. A
inner serenity because, no matter what is going on, God is in control and He
will work things out for my best interests. Sometimes, though, I lose that
peace and start to feel agitated and unsettled. When I start to feel like
that, I know my focus has gotten off of God and it time for me to refocus .
The good news is that, when I do, the peace comes back.

Praise, oh how I need to praise God right now. Not because He has made my
circumstances so wonderful, for the most part the opposite is true, but
because He deserves it ALL the time and it is for my own good. If I stop
praising God, I find myself, more and more, getting depressed and starting
to feel sorry for myself.

Prayer is a major part of my life every day. Not so much formal prayer,
though I do set aside a specific time everyday to pray for different people
and situations. However, I mostly just talk to God, in my mind, all day
long. It is a habit that I have gotten into and is something that I can do
anytime, anywhere.

I am clinging to the promises of God right now. The only way I know the
promises that God made is by knowing what the Bible says. So I spend lots of
time reading and studying the Bible. Over the years, I have pretty much
memorized all the healing promises and, now that I have been diagnosed with
cancer, I am using them  to stand against that as well. The Bible has many
other promises from God but I must admit that I have concentrated primarily
on the healing promises because that is what I need most right now. Primarily, but not exclusively.

I love tangible presence of God. Yes, I know that He is with me all the time, whether I can feel Him or not. But it is still nice to feel to His presence. I often feel it when I am at church where the focus is on God. And I quite often feel it I am just lying in bed and listening to Christian music. Again,when my focus is solely on God. But there are also times that I am crying and upset and not at all focused on God. I even feel the presence of God at those times. Kind of like a Holy hug!

However, there are also some "p" words in my life that I am not so crazy about. In our busy, want it now world, patience is not a popular word. But God seems to think that, if we want something badly enough, we will be willing to wait for it. With patience. Over the years, I have had to develop patience as there is a whole lot of waiting in my life.

Another word that I am not crazy about is pruning. I have never been a gardener but I understand that pruning is when they cut the plant to make it grow better. Similarly, God prunes us. He asks us to give up things or attitudes to make us more like Him. And that doesn't feel too good.

My final "p" word is plod. When I was first saved, I expected a miracle to happen at any minute and I would be the same as before the stroke. Instantaneous miracles do happen but not always. And not for me. Instead, I have had to plod through years of discomfort and frustration while still not giving up hope.

And so I am still plodding along. And still believing. As I was writing this, I realized how important these "p" words, even the ones I don't really like, have been in keeping me going and not giving up. 

An Attitude of Gratitude

An Attitude Of Gratitude-The reason I am writing this is of something I
read. In the article, the author mentioned that she kept a "gratitude
journal". In it, she would write 5 things to thankful for each and every
day. All along, at the end of each day, I have made a point of thinking of
at least one thing that happened that day to be thankful for. However, after
reading that article, I decided to increase it to 5. Some days, I have to really think to
come up with just one specific thing to b thankful for, much less 5. But
there are some things that I can always be thankful for, no matter how bad
the day has been.

One thing I can always be thankful for is that God sent Jesus into the
world. Because of His death on the cross, and because I am a born-again
Christian, I will be going to Heaven after I die and living with Jesus
forever and ever. And I am thankful for that incredible love for me that
never changes. Not even on my most "unlovable" days. If I had nothing else
to be thankful for, that is more than enough!

Since being diagnosed with cancer, I have been thankful for each day that I
feel pretty good. Never having had cancer, I have no idea how I should be
feeling but, at least so far, it hasn't been bad.

I am also very thankful that God had me born in a peaceful, prosperous
country like Canada. I have occasionally wondered where I would have been if
I had been living in an underdeveloped nation at the time of the stroke. My
guess is that I never would have survived. Anyway I  feel very blessed to
live in this country.

I am extremely thankful for my computer. It is pretty much my life right now and, if it is not working, I am lost. I use it to read, the Bible and other things, communicate with people, write these blogs and watch tv.

I am also always thankful to get a visitor. My life is very hum-drum and visitors brighten up my day. Not only do visitors pass the time more quickly for me, they take my mind off of all the difficult circumstances that I am facing. For awhile anyway. It is a real treat when I actually get to have a conversation with somebody. But I enjoy it just as much when people just come and read to me.

I am also always thankful for any time I get out of Long-term Care. I enjoy all the times I get to go to church. It refreshes me and strengthens me to face what I have to face on a daily basis. But I am also thankful for any other outings that I get to have. The only problem with outings is that they always pass by too quickly and, before I know it, I am back in Long-term Care and my monotonous life.

The final thing that I want to mention that I am always thankful for is when somebody, nurse or friend, gives me a little treat to eat or drink. The food here is far from terrible but they don't provide the extras like a Tim Horton's coffee or a doughnut or, at times, homemade food or baking. It brightens my day when people bless me like that.

An attitude of gratitude is something we all need to cultivate. For me, if I am not thankful for what I do have, even the little things, l start looking at all I don't have and wind up feeling sorry for myself. 

Happy Thoughts About Christmas

Happy Thoughts About Christmas-Ever since I had the stroke, emotionally,
Christmas has been a difficult time for me. This Christmas is no different.
After a couple of dreary, depressed days, I decided that I was being ridiculous.
So I made up mind to focus on happy thoughts about Christmas instead of
thinking about all I am missing out on. That may not entirely eliminate my
spells of depression but I am sure that it will lessen the frequency of
them.

The most happy thought about Christmas is that God sent Jesus into the world
and, because of His eventual deaths on the cross, I am going to Heaven after
I die to live with him forever. That puts things in perspective for me. Yes,
I am missing out on some things now but, in Heaven. When I let myself get
depressed, it is because I have stopped thinking about what really matters
about Christmas.

Another happy thought I have about Christmas is the music. I love Christmas
music, especially songs that point to Jesus. My favorites are the old
carols. I enjoy most of the newer songs about Jesus but there is just
something about the old carols. Whether new or old, though , in the afternoon
while resting in bed, I like to listen to the lyrics that talk about the
birth of Jesus. Most of the time, they keep Christmas in proper perspective
for me.

Another happy thought about Christmas is the decorations. To me, they help to put
the merry in "Merry Christmas". Christmas decorations are so cheery. I
always have a few decorations plus a small tree in my room. This year, my little "adopted" granddaughter, 5, helped
decorate. Seeing her excitement really blessed me. Christmas is about Jesus
but it is also about small children.

Another happy thought about Christmas is the gifts. I may be a grandma but I still look forward to getting gifts. (who doesn't?) Now, though, what is inside the gift isn't as important as just being remembered, either though a gift or card. Of course, right now, I can't open my own gifts but, for that, I have my dear little "adopted" grandchildren.

Another happy thought about Christmas is the food. Especially if it is not hospital food. I really enjoy Christmas baking. People make such yummy things. Fortunately, I usually don't get too much or I wouldn't fit in my wheelchair! Oh, and I can't forget about the chocolate. I love chocolate and usually get a lot of it as gifts. The good thing is that I now have my "adopted" family to share it with me.

The last happy thought about Christmas is friends. One thing that, since the stroke, has always been hard on me is knowing that Christmas is such a family time but not being able to spend time with my family. However, I have wonderful friends who make Christmas as nice for me as possible. Thinking of all the Christmases in Long-term Care, there has only been one year that I remember that I didn't have somebody to spend at least part of Christmas with me. Sometimes they have come to Long-term Care to open gifts or, other times, I have been able to go to their place. It may not be the same as family but it is a mighty good second!

As I was writing this, I realized that whether or not I am depressed at Christmas is really up me. No doubt, depressing thoughts will come to me but it is up to me to kick them out and replace them with happy thoughts about Christmas, 

Summing up my Life

Summing Up My Life-Those of you who have been reading my blogs all along ,
please bear with me as a lot of this is sure to be repetitious. The morning
that I was going to start writing this blog, I was toying with another topic
when this title popped into my head. I guess we will see where it goes.

I was born on April 15, 1950 in Medicine Hat. In southern Alberta. I was the
youngest of 4 girls. So, obviously, by the time I was born, my parents
really, really wanted a boy. I still remember my mother saying to me that
she wasn't excited about my birth because she knew that I would be another
stinking girl. It was only a couple of years ago that it dawned on me that
she must have been joking. I carried the hurt of those words for a lot of
years simply because children take everything so literally.

The next 11 years of my life were spent on a farm/small ranch 50 miles south
of Medicine Hat. I treasure the memory of those years. We had no electricity, no
indoor plumbing and I rode horseback to a one-room school so it was a much
simpler way of life for a child. At least, in a developed country.

When I was 11, we moved to Medicine Hat and the transition from a country
bumpkin to a "normal" person began. We now had electricity, an indoor toilet
that flushed and I went to school with more than 2 or 3 kids in my grade.
Probably because of my "country bumpkin" background, I remained quiet and
shy all through school. I was, and still am, a bit of a bookworm.

After finishing high school in Medicine Hat, I attended the university of
Lethbridge, planning to becoming a teacher. I came out of my shell at
university and did some goofy things, like most university students do, but
I also took my studies seriously. I had to pay my own way through university
so I didn't dare fool around too much.

I graduated from university in the spring of 1972 but I didn't get a
fulltime teaching position until January of 1973. In the meantime, I did
substitute teaching in Medicine Hat. How ended up teaching in a place that
I had never heard of (Cold Lake) is rather interesting but I mentioned it in
a previous blog. I taught for ten years, all in Cold Lake. Those were pretty
routine years during which I got married and had a couple of kids.


However, on July 24, 1983, my routine world crashing down when, at the ripe
old age of 33, I had a brain stem stroke. I went from being a normal 33 year
old to a 33 year old who could no longer talk, walk or move. There was optimism that I would learn to walk and talk again. That is until I had what I call, for lack of a better word, the complication.

But then came the best day in my life. In September of 1985 I became a born-again Christian. I again had hope, and still do, of a full recovery. I just didn't know it would take so long. Through the long frustrating years of waiting, I can honestly say that I never lost that hope.

In March of this year, a new wrinkle was added to my life. I was diagnosed with cancer. After getting over the initial shock and emotional outburst, I have, for the most part, chosen to view it as merely one more thing that God will heal. The cancer has been good in that it has driven me even closer to God. Whenever I start to panic or feel discouraged, I run to the Bible and get encouragement-a from His words.

So here I am. I can't walk, I can't talk and have cancer. What comes next? I have no idea. All I can do is take one day at a time, trust God and be thankful for each day that I feel pretty good.