Some things of value to me

Some Things Of Value To Me-When this title dropped into my mind, I decided
that I should look up the meaning of the word "value", even though I was
pretty certain of the meaning. So I did and, to sum it up, it basically
means worth or importanceBy far, I value most God /Jesus/Holy Spirit and my relationship with Them.
Though, as mere humans, I am not sure that we are capable to value Them as
They deserve to be valued. For me, I believe that the way that I can show
the value that I place on God/Jesus/Holy Spirit is by putting them first in
everything. I fail at times but I do try to do this.

I also value all the people in my life that make a difference. I value the
nurses and the care and friendship that they give me. I value the kitchen
staff and how, when they know that I like what they are serving, make sure I
get plenty. I value the friends that spend time with me and take me places.
I value the ones who come and read to me. And I value the people that I
exchange e-mails with. Because communication is so difficult for me, it is
wonderful to have somebody that I can just chat with. Lastly, I value the
people who are praying for me. I know prayer is mighty important.

It may sound a bit odd but I value sleep. Too many nights, I have trouble
sleeping for whatever reason. Many days, I am trying to function on 2-3
hours sleep, if that. But, even when sleeping is not a problem for me, I
don't get an abundance of sleep. I am not usually tucked into bed until
close to 10:30. That is ok because, if I go to bed much earlier, I sleep a
bit but, then, am awake for the rest of the night. Sometime, the nurse comes
in to put things in the bathroom which usually wakes me up, though, most of
the time, not for long. Around 2, they come in to turn me over so I don't
get
sore. Sometimes I go right back to sleep but, other times, it takes some time.
Then, around 6 or a few minutes earlier, they come in to dress me for the
day. However, that was my request so I am not complaining. I do, however,
value those rare nights that I am able to get a good 6 hours of sleep.

I value time. At least, the quality time I have to spend with the Lord at
the beginning of each day. I can't imagine having to rush off to work, get
the kids off to school or whatever without first spending quite a bit of
quiet time with the Lord, reading the Bible and having fellowship with Him.
But, having said that, I  certainly don't value all the other long hours
that I have to fill up somehow.

I value solitude.  I suspect that I am becoming somewhat of a recluse or
hermit or something. The time that I feel most contented is when I am
reading the Bible on my computer and it is just God and me. I do enjoy
one-on-one conversations but groups of more that 2 or 3 often frustrate me.
Because of the difficulty in communication, I can't take part in most
conversations and I end up just feeling lonely.

I value the fact that I am cognitive and have a pretty sharp mind. I admit
that there are times, when everything is overwhelming me, that I wish that
could go into a coma until I am healed and not have to know or feel
anything. Most of the time, through, I do appreciate having a mind that
works even if my body doesn't. From time to time, people come in here who
are perfectly healthy in their bodies but their minds are shot. It is pretty
sad.

These are a few things that I value, or count of as of worth, in my current
situation. 

One Day at a Time

One Day At A Time-One morning, I was listening to the song "One Day At A
Time" and it struck me that that is how I have to live out life in my
present circumstances. Much as I would like, I know that I can't live either
in the past or the future. All I have is today, such as it is.

I know that it is totally futile to dwell on the past. The past is just
that-past. Every so often, I will start thinking about something stupid that
I  did years ago and I start to feel bad. At those times, I have to reign my
thoughts in and remind myself that it is pretty silly to let something that
happened years ago upset me. It just as silly for me to start thinking about
how long that I been in this condition and all that I have missed out on.
Invariably, I just make myself depressed. Sometimes, I do indulge in
pleasant memories from the past. It helps to pass time and I am usually not
depressed when I am having pleasant memories. However, I know that that they
are just memories and are not going to help me cope with my day-to-day life
now. I need God for that. Sometimes, I will think about somebody that I
haven't seen or thought about in years. That may be the positive aspect of
thinking about the past as I believe that it is the Holy Spirit calling me
to pray for them.

However, I know that it is just as futile to always be speculating on the
future. What is going to happen, is going happen. If I start thinking
about all
the long, lonely, dreary years that may still be ahead of me, I only depress
myself. Even if I allow myself to look ahead to the next days and see
nothing but the same thing day after day, I start to despond. The one
positive thing about thinking about the future is that I dream a lot about
when, where and how my healing will take place. Especially the look on
people's faces! Even though I know that my healing will probably be nothing
like my dreams, the dreams help to keep up my hopes.

So I meander through my present life, one day at a time. Sometimes just a
few hours a time. Except for Sundays, I kind of divide my days into three
increments to be gotten through. Mornings using my computer, afternoons
resting in bed and evenings watching tv. Each day seems like a million hours
but, somehow, they go by. 31+ years, in fact. I sometimes wonder how I have
been able to hold on so long but I know that it is nothing but the grace of
God.

I suppose that the the old adage "one day at a time" is, or should be, true
for everybody. I certainly know that it is for me! 

What Long Term Care Has Taught Me

Things I Have Learned From Being In Long-term Care-After the stroke and
after I ended up in my present condition, I was placed in Long-term Care,
probably largely because there was no other place for me to go. I was in my
late 30s when I was first placed in this Long-term Care facility. I am now
in my 60s so I have had plenty of time to get a "feel" for the place, so to
speak.

One thing that I have learned is that the elderly are just people with their
own little quirks, just like we all have. Before I came into Long-term Care,
I was never around seniors very often, being as all my grandparents passed
away when I was quite young. When I first came into Long-term Care, I wasn't
even 40 yet and I remember thinking, "What on earth am doing with all these
"old people"? God impressed on me that, though they are often forgotten,
they are still His people. Over the years, many seniors have come into this
place, eventually passed away and others taken their place. But I try to
remember that they are as important to God as anybody else.

If I had to sum up life in Long-term Care in one word it would be
"lonely". At least, I assume that other cognitive people are as lonely as I
am at times. However, being as I spend most of the time in my room, either
using my computer or resting in bed, I really don't know that for sure. What
I do know is this. There is not enough staff on to take time to visit with
these people. I guess this is where friends and family should step in. From
what I see at mealtimes, some family members are really good at spending
time here. Others, I really can't say.

Along with other things, Long-term Care is teaching me patience. With
minimal staff and 30 or 31 people to be taken care, somebody will be waiting
most of the time. Because I am cognitive and understand the situation, I
often think that I may as well be the one to wait. Except in the mornings when
I like to get right away so I can get on my computer and read the Bible
until breakfast. That usually puts me in a better mood for the rest of the
day.

I have learned that living in Long-term care is not cheap. I find the rent
here quite steep. Mind you, I so out of touch with the world that I find the
prices now for most things rather high. But, when that rent includes both
food and utilities, neither of which are cheap, I guess the rent has to be
that high. I am just thankful that my finances are in such a state that
paying the rent is no problem for me.

I have learned to appreciate people who work in facilities like this. I
couldn't do it. I was a teacher so I dealt with the opposite end of the
spectrum. I really do think that it takes special people to work in a place
like this. Like most jobs, there are probably some in it just for the money
but, for the most part, the staff seems to really care about these people.
For people who don't always have a lot of people to care for them, I think
that is important. For me, it means a lot to me to know the staff cares,
even when I am not at my best.

I will conclude by saying this. Even though I would never have chosen to
reside in Long-term Care, it has been quite an eye-opener. A valuable one, I
think. 

Wants Vs Needs

Needs Versus Wants-This is a thought that has been rolling around in my
mind, off and on, for a couple of years. That is that what we people may see
as "needs" may be, in the eyes of God, mere "wants". However, that is not to
to say that He never give us our "wants" along with our "needs".

There are some things that I , and everybody else, "need". The most
important one is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ which only comes
by being born-again. Simply and bluntly put, it is a matter of heaven or
hell. To be born-again is pretty simple.  All I did to become born-again was
to have another born-again Christian pray with me. And not in church either.
In a hospital room.

Another thing that I , and everybody , "need" is air to breathe. No doubt,
because of our "civilized" world, the air that we breathe now has not the
same quality as the air way back when. But, the main thing is that it is
keeping us alive. Without air, we all would be in BIG trouble!

We all "need" food and water to survive. However, I suspect that something
that is a basic "need" has, in affluent countries like ours, turned more
into a "want". Instead of eating to live, we, and I include myself, are now
eating for pleasure. At times, too much and/or food that is not good for the
body.

I need clothing. So does everybody. Especially when we live in a place that
gets to -40! But, like with food, our "need" for clothing has changed more
into a "want" as we aren't happy with the basic clothing that we "need" but
"want" the latest fashion.

Money. I debated whether to include money as a "need". But I do "need" money
to pay my rent in this place. I have no idea what they would do with me if I
couldn't pay it. Obviously, money is more of a "need" now than when people
could barter with sheep and chickens! The question is how much is money we
actually "need" to live on or for doing what God wants and how much we
"want" for bigger houses, fancier cars, trips, etc.

Then there are those things that are not "needs" in the sense that I
wouldn't be able to go on living without them but that are very important to
both God and myself. Included in this category is my healing. I have no idea
of the ramifications but I do know that it is important to God simply
because He promised it and He is not going to promise something that is not
important to Him. As for me, well who wouldn't want to get healed? Besides,
how can I do what God wants me to do if I can't do anything?

Going to church is also included in this category. I know that the local
church is important to God as it is there so that we receive instruction but
also have the support of other Christians. For me personally, church is
very important and I appreciate all the people who, over the years, have
made sure that I am there most of time. Simply put, church is a time of
refreshing for me when I get to praise God with others.

Reading the Bible is not an actual "need" but pretty close. One of the most
important things that we can do for God is to read the Bible because that is
how we get to know His thoughts. For me, the Bible is pretty much
everything. It encourages me when I feel down, it is company for me when I
feel lonely, it calms me down when I feel agitated, etc.

I admit, though, that there are times when I tell God that I "need"
something when I know very well that it is just a "want". For example, when
I tell God that I "need" a change, I know very well that it is nothing more
than a want because I am so tired of the same thing day after day after
day.....